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10-09-2008, 11:18 PM
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#1
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Candace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 12
S/C/G: 200/200/150
Height: 5'7"
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Excessive hunger, eating habits
Hi all! I'm really worried about my husband. He is having gastric bypass surgery in January, but I'm afraid it might not happen. You see, my husband is quite tall, over 6'5", but he weighs over 500 pounds. His surgeon has said that he must lose 50 pounds before the surgery. It's October, and he has not lost the weight. He hasn't lost any weight at all. He has tried to diet every now and then. But on the 'good days', his diet looks like this:
Breakfast: none, he says he isn't hungry upon waking
Lunch: 2 ham and cheese sandwiches, 2 servings of baked Doritos, 1 can of Pepsi, a fat free chocolate pudding
Snack: a banana or another fat free pudding
Dinner: 2 skinless chicken breasts on hamburger buns, one serving corn, 1 can of Pepsi, one Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich
Late-night snack: 2 ham and cheese sandwiches, 2 servings baked Doritos, 2 fat free chocolate pudding
On a 'bad' day, which happens more often, his diet looks like this:
Breakfast: none, he says he isn't hungry upon waking
Lunch: 2 ham and cheese sandwiches, 2 servings of baked Doritos, 1 can of Pepsi, a fat free chocolate pudding
Dinner: 2 McDonalds double cheeseburgers, 1 medium fry, 1 large milkshake, 1 can of Pepsi
Late-night snack: 2-3 fat free puddings, 2 servings baked Doritos or Cheetos, 1 can Pepsi
He does not exercise, and honestly moves very little during the day. I know that this surgery is his best hope, but if he can't lose the 50 pounds prior to the surgery, he won't be able to have it. He gets defensive when I try to talk to him about this. I worry a lot about him. Also, he is supposed to quit smoking, and has been taking Chantix for months, but has yet to quit.
How can I help my husband? He says he is just so hungry and can't stay in his diet. Please, does anyone have any advice?
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10-09-2008, 11:40 PM
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#2
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 4,445
S/C/G: 237/165.8/130
Height: 5'4"
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Well first of all, he needs to get over the breakfast thing. He's setting himself up for binge eating at lunch and dinner by not eating breakfast and then being overly hungry the rest of the day.
He's also not eating any veggies or fruits which can help him feel full and satisfied. There's nothing in either of those daily options that says "balanced meal" or "nutritious" to me.
But the truth here is that no one can help him but him. If he chooses to continue eating like this, then that's his choice. You can't help him in this - he has to be willing to help himself.
And if he's not willing to change the way he eats, then having surgery isn't going to do him any good. Surgery is not a magic fix. If he eats badly after surgery, not only will he not lose any weight, he can cause himself some pretty serious problems in recovery.
If he's not willing to learn how to eat heathily and take care of himself, then no one else can do it for him.
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10-09-2008, 11:46 PM
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#3
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Candace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 12
S/C/G: 200/200/150
Height: 5'7"
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The only vegetable I can get him to eat is corn. He won't eat anything others. I can't just give up on him. I mean, this is my husband. I just don't know what to do
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10-10-2008, 12:02 AM
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#4
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: The Hill Country
Posts: 2,579
S/C/G: 218/175/155
Height: 5'6"
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Pepsi doesn't help you feel full, can you get him to switch to diet or unsweetened ice tea? That's a start.
Also, are the bread and buns whole wheat or white? Switching to a whole grain bread is a start in the right direction. They have white whole wheat bread that tastes closer to white and has the fiber of whole wheat.
I know it can be hard to bring this subject up with loved ones, but you need to stress to him that his health is important because you want him around to grow old with you.
As far as exercise, any movement is helpful. Maybe you could ask him to go for a walk with you in the evenings, to chat and get fresh air?
Ultimately, he needs to do this because he wants to, not because you or the doctor is telling him to. He needs to it for himself. Maybe allowing the surgery to not happen will wake him up and get him started on a healthier lifestyle? Surgeries can be rescheduled.
Last edited by zenor77; 10-10-2008 at 12:05 AM.
Reason: more info
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10-10-2008, 12:34 AM
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#5
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 4,445
S/C/G: 237/165.8/130
Height: 5'4"
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I'm not suggesting you give up on him at all. But the bottom line is that you can't make him change. You can't make him be healthy. He has to choose it. All you can do is let him know that you love him and you'll be there to help him when he chooses to make that change.
I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this. It really is just like having a family member who is an alcoholic in a lot of ways. You can beg them, plead with them, argue with them, yell at them, cry for them ... but until they want to change, it's not going to happen.
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10-10-2008, 07:37 AM
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#6
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Indiana
Posts: 6,411
S/C/G: 233.9/143/160
Height: 5'7"
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I am sorry that you are going through this.
There are many reasons that doctors ask future weight loss urgery patients to lose some weight before the surgery. One, is because it makes any surgery safer, and secondly, it shows that the patient is SERIOUS. The patient has to show that they are going to do their part. The doctor is not going to perform the surgery, only to have the patient go right back to eating pudding and Doritos all day long. Seriously.
Weight loss surgery is NOT a quick fix...he can't have the surgery, and continue on eating the way he is afterwards and not exercising, and expect to magically lose weight. It doesn't work that way.
At this point, have you discussed this with his doctor that will be doing the surgery? Sometimes when it comes from the wife, it sounds like nagging...but maybe the words need to come from a professional. It sounds to me like the doctor needs to point blank, tell him that he either "go" or get off the potty...and that he can't help him, unless he is willing to meet partway and start helping himself.
I hear a lot of people say that they "don't like" vegetables or fruit...but the fact is, is that there is no way that they have tried every fruit or vegetable out there...or in all of the different preparations of the possible.
As far as the breakfast thing goes..."I" am also someone who is not hungry upon waking. However, it doesn't mean that I wait until lunch to eat. I get up at about 6am...and I eat a small meal at about 10am. You don't have to eat when you first get up. I have never had any issues with this....some people are just like that. I eat a large snack at about 10am, and then lunch at 12-1. Maybe that would be a good solution-a mini-meal at around that time?
Also, the reason that he is hungry all of the time, is because he is eating foods that shoot through his system quickly, and don't provide satisfaction. If I ate pudding cups and Doritos all of the time, I would be starving, too. Part of the reason is also because there is no nutritional value there, so even if he is getting plenty of calories-the body KNOWS that it isn't getting the nutrients, so it still wants to eat. His body is eating way too many calories, but it is at the same time, starving, because of lack of nutrients.
I agree with the others, that HE has to be the one to want to change....but if you can do some small things along the way, at least you would feel like you were setting a good example.
See if he would eat a baked apple as a dessert after dinner, instead of the pudding cup. Switch the bread to light bread or whole grain...make a bag of the steamed mixed vegetables that has the corn that he likes...but also has the green beans, carrot pieces, etc. in there as well. Take baby steps with him...at least it's something.
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10-10-2008, 08:12 AM
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#7
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 330
S/C/G: 305/172.6/135
Height: 5foot 4 inches
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i am sorry to hear of your problems. my husband has gained about 70lbs in the past 5 yrs or so. he was always the "skinny" one of our marriage. I started eating right and exercising in april. so far i have lost about 60lbs. I have tried and tried to get him on board. I want him to be healthy and live long. but, as the others have said. he has to want it as bad as you do. my husband will say he is going to do it, and then only lasts a few days. I just have to keep saying to myself. it will happen eventually and try to focus on my weightloss. It is very important for him to eat right and healthy before and after his surgery. it is not a quick fix. my mom had this surgery 6 yrs ago. unfortunately she did not eat right or take care of herself. she passed a yr after her surgery. I dont tell you this to scare you. i agree at his weight he does need drastic help. although i hope he takes it serious because it can be dangerous if he doesn't eat right. i wish you both all the luck in the world
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10-10-2008, 06:31 PM
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#8
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 655
S/C/G: 202/160/135
Height: 5 ft 6 in
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aphil
As far as the breakfast thing goes..."I" am also someone who is not hungry upon waking. However, it doesn't mean that I wait until lunch to eat. I get up at about 6am...and I eat a small meal at about 10am. You don't have to eat when you first get up. I have never had any issues with this....some people are just like that.
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Actually, my naturopath says that (especially if you want to lose weight) you MUST eat within an hour of waking up. Otherwise, your adrenals get taxed over time, your cortisol gets all screwy, and you will never get your metabolism going the way it should.
I have a really hard time putting something other than coffee in my mouth but I know I absolutely MUST do it. The reason you don't feel hungry and don't want to eat for hours is because your body still thinks it's repairing itself (the way it's supposed to while your sleeping). And that's just not good.
Believe me, i am struggling with this and I haven't got it right yet, but it does make sense.
~CGH~
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10-10-2008, 07:21 PM
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#9
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Candace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 12
S/C/G: 200/200/150
Height: 5'7"
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I really appreciate everyone's help! I tried talking to him again today, and convinced him to email his dietitian about his problems. I guess, as his wife, it's easy for him to ignore me as just 'nagging' (you know how me can be, when they don't particularly want to face an issue). I'm hoping that an email from his dietitian may snap him back to reality. Also, since he is such a picky eater, does anyone have any suggestions for snacks, lunches, breakfasts, and meals? Like, right now, I'm fixing BBQ chicken drumsticks, cheese rice, and steamed carrots. I know he'll eat the drumsticks and rice, but he'll probably turn his nose up to the carrots. He reminds me of a 5 year old sometimes, lol. Again, I really appreciate the help and support! I've felt very alone in this struggle, and it's nice to hear positive feedback.
Really, thanks so much
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10-11-2008, 09:35 AM
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#10
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Indiana
Posts: 6,411
S/C/G: 233.9/143/160
Height: 5'7"
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Quote:
Originally Posted by choirgirlhotel
Actually, my naturopath says that (especially if you want to lose weight) you MUST eat within an hour of waking up. Otherwise, your adrenals get taxed over time, your cortisol gets all screwy, and you will never get your metabolism going the way it should.
I have a really hard time putting something other than coffee in my mouth but I know I absolutely MUST do it. The reason you don't feel hungry and don't want to eat for hours is because your body still thinks it's repairing itself (the way it's supposed to while your sleeping). And that's just not good.
Believe me, i am struggling with this and I haven't got it right yet, but it does make sense.
~CGH~
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You don't have to eat within 60 minutes of waking, period. That small amount of time is not going to "make or break" your weight loss plan. I don't think that I have eaten within an hour of waking since early childhood.
I eat small mini meals often, throughout the day, and I am extremely active. I drink lots of water, eat at least 5 fruits and veggies a day...and I am successfully losing.
Now, I don't advocate getting up at 5am, and not eating until noon-but waiting a couple of hours after waking isn't going to hurt you.
This morning, for instance-I woke up at 7:00...and ate breakfast at around 9. I eat breakfast/brunch...but I am simply not hungry yet the minute I roll out of bed. I need to "wake up" first.
Last edited by aphil; 10-11-2008 at 09:35 AM.
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10-11-2008, 09:48 AM
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#11
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Davis, Ca
Posts: 23,149
S/C/G: 204/114/120
Height: 5'
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Well. God helps those that help themselves. Right now your husband doesn't seem willing to do that. Unfortunately you can't do that for him, but he can do it. You can share with your husband that my diabetic son weighed 450 pounds and through diet and exercise has lost over 200 pounds! The up side of that is that his doctor has taken him off his diabetes medication.
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10-11-2008, 10:41 AM
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#12
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Anne
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,631
S/C/G: 407/358-Dec2007/tracker/125
Height: 5'4"
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sadfatgirl
I really appreciate everyone's help! I tried talking to him again today, and convinced him to email his dietitian about his problems. I guess, as his wife, it's easy for him to ignore me as just 'nagging' (you know how me can be, when they don't particularly want to face an issue). I'm hoping that an email from his dietitian may snap him back to reality. Also, since he is such a picky eater, does anyone have any suggestions for snacks, lunches, breakfasts, and meals? Like, right now, I'm fixing BBQ chicken drumsticks, cheese rice, and steamed carrots. I know he'll eat the drumsticks and rice, but he'll probably turn his nose up to the carrots. He reminds me of a 5 year old sometimes, lol. Again, I really appreciate the help and support! I've felt very alone in this struggle, and it's nice to hear positive feedback.
Really, thanks so much
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Although I'm over my no morning eating the one thing I love in the morning (especially if time is short) is a protein shake with fruit and oatmeal in it. I keep some oatmeal ground into a fine powder just for that purpose. I use a protein powder (chocolate or vanilla) that has 50g protein, 20g of oats, and 3-5oz of frozen berries. The shake made with vanilla comes out like a fruit shake. He could also try this as a late night snack (as I usually take some kind of protein shake with fruit on the side, helps me curb the evening munchies). The oatmeal I added a while back to the breakfast shakes as it helps me feel full when I can't get a morning snack in.
For dinners and lunches go high on the protein and low on the bread. Stick to lean meats whenever possible. Not picking apart your meal, but to revamp that meal you mentioned, I would:
BBQ Chicken - very light on the sauce (ie. brush it on, not cook it in it)
Cheesy rice - brown/wild rice blend with mushrooms, celery, onions chopped up in it. I'd probably drop the cheese ('cause cheesy rice doesn't sound particularly healthy, although it may be)
Carrots - I admit I don't like them myself. So either put enough vegetables in the rice that it become a veggie/rice blend or find a vegetable that he does like.
Oh, on the vegetables. Roasting works nicely and a lot of people who don't like vegetables find that they love them roasted. Preheat the oven to 425 or 450F, toss 8-10oz of veggies (per person) with some oil or cooking spray, garlic, seasonings, even hot pepper flakes. Put on a foil lined tray and bake. Times - cauliflower, brussels sprouts, carrots, eggplant (30-40mins), onion slices (20-30mins), green beans (10-15mins). Splash a little balsamic vinegar on them before serving. That makes a good sized serving.
And make sure that the dietician has him on a reasonable amount of calories. Even some professionals don't get that 1500cals doesn't work for everyone.
Last edited by RealCdn; 10-11-2008 at 10:46 AM.
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10-12-2008, 01:20 AM
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#13
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Candace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 12
S/C/G: 200/200/150
Height: 5'7"
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My husband wouldn't eat the BBQ chicken or the carrots I fixed. He ate the rice, then asked me to fix him a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches. He said the chicken was 'raw'. I think by 'raw' he meant it wasn't fried (it was baked). I ate it, it was fine. This is the problem I face everyday. If it isn't covered in cheese or gravy, fried or sweet... he doesn't want it. Sometimes, really, I just lock myself in my room and cry. I love my husband, and I know this is all hardest on him... but sometimes I feel like it isn't fair. His brother just passed away, he died of a heart attack... he was only 48. I'm so afraid the same thing will happen to my husband (we are both 30 right now). I feel so helpless
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10-12-2008, 03:11 AM
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#14
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Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 5
S/C/G: 125/106/105
Height: 5'4.5"
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here is one option: smack him. does he want to lose weight or not? you are way too loving.
Last edited by HrtChoco; 10-12-2008 at 03:13 AM.
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10-12-2008, 11:52 AM
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#15
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 4,445
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Height: 5'4"
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Your husband obviously doesn't care about his weight or his health. I'm very sorry - but truly there's nothing you can do. He has to want to change and it's pretty clear from what you write that he doesn't.
Did you make him the grilled cheese sandwiches when he asked?
The only thing you can do at this point is to not contribute to his lifestyle. Continue to cook healthily and if he won't eat it, then he has to fix his own. Don't make the food that isn't good for him just because he asks.
I'm very sorry. Wish there were more I could say or advice I could offer that would change things.
I would say one thing - you do need to make sure that his doctor knows that he is eating like this and refuses to change. If he has WLS and continues to eat like this, not only will he not lose weight, but he could very seriously harm himself. Many of the things that you say are the only things he'll eat are things that he CANNOT eat after WLS.
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Last edited by PhotoChick; 10-12-2008 at 11:56 AM.
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