Does anyone have the problem that your husband and friends don't like you dieting? If I don't want to go out for dinner someone will say "Is that because of your diet?" We were in the car on the way to a dinner party (that's another story!) and I said something about which way we were going and he says "I hate it when you diet" It had nothing to do with that I didn't like the way he took. At the party people would comment on what was on my plate (I didn't know some of the people and it's not like you want to say oh I'm on a diet) and then I said no to a TON of chocolate desserts and people can't understand why you decline things. I know it is my body and I am doing this for me but doesn't it get frustrating when people don't understand that I want to look and feel better. I read the post on alcohol and I can't even go there on what people say when you won't drink with them. Sorry about the long rant but I was wondering what other people think and how tough it is to stick with it when not everybody is behind you or even knows that your dieting.
I totally hear you! I hate saying that I am on a diet. It's like I just don't want it. Big deal. No body seems to get healthy choices now days. Or they always say you have done so good you deseve a shot or drink or cholcolate desert. It's ridiculous! But I just say I "can" Have it. I just don't want it! So there! Then I stick out my tongue! Ha! Jk. I don't really but I want to!
I'm sorry to hear you are having so much trouble! Can you talk to your husband about how you're feeling? Can you explain to him why you are doing this and how he can help? Then you can listen carefully to his concerns and why he doesn't like your diet. Maybe if you are both honest and listen carefully you will be able to come to some compromises.
I do not have that problem as I don't tell anyone I am on a diet. That saves all the unwanted comments. I might say something like., " a salad sounds good today " or I am just too full for dessert." You'll be surprised how little people care about what you eat.However when you announce that you are on a diet, the " food police " feel compelled to make remarks about your choices.Try to ignore them and order what ever you want.
On past diet attempts I did have this problem... for some reason this time my husband sees this as a "real" attempt, maybe because I've shelled out approx $600! Or on a more positive note, maybe it is because he sees my consistent attempts to make good choices, I don't pick and choose when I am going to be "good" I follow the rules of the diet everyday and the reward is 2lbs gone every single week. When I started this "life change" I made it a point to tell everyone that this was the year that I was going to lose the weight for good... this keeps me accountable TO EVERYONE. I know I have failed diets in the past and I'm sure in the beginning everyone thought that this would be just like any other time, but its not and I attribute a part of that to the fact that everyone will know if I fall off the wagon. Now when I get comments about "c'mon, you can't eat that?" I tell them straight up what I've learned about how the body operates and why I have been so successful in my weight loss... after that, they don't want to be lectured again so they don't mention it
It's not about enjoying every single meal, it's about enjoying every single day!
When I started LAWL I went to great lengths to make sure everyone I knew was WELL aware I was on a diet. I sent e-mails to all of my good friends & family letting them know what I was doing and how serious I was taking it. I told them I was going on hiatus for a while so I could get healthy. I wanted everyone to know that I wasn’t trying to be antisocial when I turned down their offers for dinner or drinks.
Everyone has been super supportive and now that I’ve lost some weight they have just become more so. I don’t think they really believed me at 1st because of all the times I’ve failed. My biggest “drinking buddy” pulled me aside the other day and told me how proud he was of me for sticking to it this time. He said that he can tell this time is different and I’m for real.
My advice is to be open and honest w/ everyone that asks you questions. Make sure that all your friends and family know this is your #1 priority and you will not waver. You might have to tell some people more than once. People that don’t have weight issues sometimes just don’t get it. In the long run, you’ll feel empowered and they’ll get the picture not to mess w/ you.
People who don't struggle with food/weight issues (or who don't want to FACE their OWN issues) often just don't understand or know how to best support us with the challenges we face. I am sorry that they have hurt your feelings, but try to ignore all that negative stuff. YOU need to be your OWN biggest cheerleader.
Don't get me wrong, I also think you have to teach some people how you want them to treat you and call them out when they've hurt you. I would just keep on with your mission and if you feel the need to say anything, maybe just that you're working on getting healthier. Keep coming to these boards where you'll get our 100% support and understanding.
Trust me....the people who have given you this hard time will SOON be BEGGING you for your weight loss secrets!
Back On Purple as of 12/24/13
Last edited by LadyZaidi : 05-03-2008 at 10:46 AM.
I am having my DH do it with me. He needs to loss some weight also.
It is working thats what counts.
I am only telling a few people right now. I have has some back sliding in the past and want to get a real handle on it before I tell many.
I am doing pretty good,but still I want 20 pounds off, then I will feel like I can continue.
have a good Saturday everyone.
I know it sounds totally cliche - but to **** with what other people think - seriously. You are doing this for YOU - for your health and to make your life full and happy. I'm with Jill in saying it's good to get the support of other whom you are close to. I was petrified to tell friends and family what I was doing - for fear I would fail and they'd all be witnesses to my failure. But I decided it was more important for them to know what I was doing - even co-workers, in order to create the environment that would be most conducive to my success. You just have to stand firm, stick up for yourself, be happy with your choices - and to **** with anyone who isn't supportive!
Mattie - First of all congratulations and doing something for YOU and sticking to it! You're doing a great job!!!
A lot of people do react this way. I've had people at work passing around donuts and other goodies and trying to chide me into having some. Honestly, on this plan I really had no cravings or desires for things like that. Usually, they don't want to feel bad about themselves digging into unhealthy things and if they see you being strong and saying no, then they feel guilty for not being able to do the same.
To have the support of your family and friends is nice, but you can also get it from us. Tell your husband you can go out to dinner anywhere he likes and you'll just make healthy choices from what is in front of you. If he feels guilty digging into a big steak and cheesecake in front of you, well then maybe he'll start thinking of making his own healthy choices. See yourself as a positive influence, not a castaway.
Let me add that YOU are doing this for YOU primarily, but in reality, you're also doing this for your family and friends.. If they want you to stick around and be a part of their lives for years to come, they need to understand that you have to do this...
I wonder if they're not somehow reacting badly because they get embarrassed by eating the junk around you, while you're making good decisions? I know I'm like that with Liz now.. While I've met my goal, she's still a ways away and when we eat out, I have to conciously make a decision not to eat crappy stuff in front of her.. Maybe by seeing you do well, it's like a slap in the face that they need to be doing better too...
Either way, you need to make them realize that this is not just about you, but them as well.. And they need to know that eventually, once you've reached your goal and have stablized, you can start reintroducing some of the foods you can't eat now.. Just not as much and not as often..
Keep it up Mattie... If you ever start getting weak-kneed about this, just holler!!
The hardest part of life is to live while you're alive. - Great Big Sea - "Here and Now"