To solve a problem, you first have to define it. Sometimes, this is easy. Perhaps your boss put a lot of pressure on you, you bounced a check, or someone made a negative comment about you. Sometime, the problem isn’t so easy to pinpoint. You might notice the emotion but not feel sure what led to it. Consider asking a friend or you diet coach to help you sort things through.
Once you’ve defined the problem, be sure to identify the negative thoughts running through your mind. Then use the Seven Questions Technique to respond to your negative thoughts.
The Seven Question Technique
1. What kind of thinking error could I be making?
2. What evidence is there that this thought might not be true (or be completely true)?
3. Is there an alternative explanation or another way of viewing this?
4. What is the most realistic outcome of this situation?
5. What is the effect of my believing this thought and what could be the effect of changing my thinking?
6. What would I tell [a close friend or family member] if he/she were in this situation and had this thought?
7. What should I do now?
Once you recognize that food won’t make your problems go away, dieting will be easier.
When I respond to feelings with food, I often haven’t identified either the feeling or its source. The big step for me is to acknowledge the existence of both and then to name them.
For example, a college rewrote a sentence I was about to send to our customer. I was pleased with the rewrite – it was just what I wished I had written. I remained pleased even when I then saw that my sentence a) was grammatically incorrect, b) was negative in tone, and c) would be interpreted in the opposite way than I had intended. However, when they added the comment, “You know, a sentence should have a purpose,” my feeling pleased evaporated and I absorbed a negative feeling as if their patronizing style affected my reality. And a Hersey’s chocolate bar with almonds is the first antidote I apply to a negative feeling at the office without seeking a second medical opinion.
The benefit to me of Beck’s strategy of asking why I’m about to eat is that I am forced to acknowledge the negative feeling. In my example above, I removed the negative feeling with the thought, “Good man, even though he flunked his Dale Carnegie course,” and the need to eat evaporated as well.
Naturally, the bazillion vending machine purchases that contributed to my weight were made without attempting to identify the feeling or its source.
My replacement pedometer arrived yesterday. After nearly two years of wearing an accurate pedometer every day, I feel incomplete without it. I had a give-away substitute, but it had the reset button exposed facing outward. Every time I put on a coat or bumped it, the step count would reset to zero. So, my recording each day was an estimate based on similar walking days from the past. This new pedometer will increase my motivation when the walking is icy.
The Christmas cookies that are beginning to appear everywhere are keeping their distance from me, as well they should. By now, I have a reputation among the cookies. I have a mental image of the Adlai Stevenson in me standing before the United Nations
Quote:
"I am prepared to wait for my answer until **** freezes over, if that’s your decision."
and watching my Cuban Missile Crisis Cookie blink.
I wonder what thin people do with all the extra time available in their brains if they aren't having thoughts such as these.
Sue (CoastalSue) - My kids insist that if I ever found a parking spot in Boston I'd pull right in, even if I was just passing through. Perhaps, but I am sure that I'm drawn to hard to find parking spots with the same feelings I have toward my CMC cookie.
With ice on the ground outside, it's hard for me to imagine you swimming in an outdoor pool, even with your wet suit top.
MaryBlu - Yes, I remember where I was when I heard that JFK was assassinated. And I still have JFK's response to me when I wrote him a letter of support during the Cuban Missile Crisis, even though I now know that his signature was mechanically applied - not a true JFK signature. But, it's a neat card anyway.
I'll get DW's Kale and Swiss Chard recipe and post it. Her healthy and fresh cooking has surely helped keep me on track.
SuchAtwin - Ouch, such a list of emotions worthy of eating to make them go away. I wish your DH well with his leg clot, I can understand the stress you would feel over that. And good luck to your DS with his angst causing situation.
Congratulations for taking the time to identify your feeling so you are able to distinguish then from hunger. You're well on your way to being a Beck person.
Re: Ann (Newlifestyle) - Ann has to take a break from 3FC to tend to her life, but says she remains on plan using Beck and will be back.
Re: Liannie - Liannie sends her regards to all her friends on 3FC. She has been taking care of her life, but says she will be back.
Readers - It isn't hunger if the need to eat is in response to a feeling. May you have success today identifying when the urge to eat isn't hunger.
Bill:You made my day with the comment about your thought response to your co-worker. Failing the Dale Carnagie course will be my forever negative selftalk defense against know it alls. I am still laughing. I may put that one on a card and laminate it. There are so-o-o many know it alls in my business plus my family tends to breed them. Sigh, at times, I must confess, I would not please Dale. Just found out DH does have a small superficial blood clot in his leg which could be related to a number of his health issues. We are grateful it is not an emergency and is just something to watch. DS frequently has angst which is a challenge for us all. Without angst wouldn't life be dull. Maryblue: I've been reading past posts and just want to say that I hope you have recovered from losing your tree. That would be difficult. To all: I am so grateful to have found you all. Your intellegent conversations provide me with inspiration and entertainment which I needed more of in my life.
Well I am back in the work book doing lesson 9-scheduling my day to insure some exercising. These 7 week of a cold and/or sinsus infection then the bum back has totally undermined my both my abilities and determination to do daily workouts. I have tried the gym 2 times in the past, but had to quit each time due to joint problems-arthritis and bursitis. Swimming is perfect, but a hugh hassle with the weather and if I have an infection. So I am committing to my diet coaches here, that I will do some types of "sit and be fit" dvd for 1/2 hours on Thursday, Friday. I also want to walk around our bluff for 5 minutes a day if no rain-I do need a walker,but I still am moving. I do use blood pressure medication, but I can not get my pluse rate up doing the sit and be fit tapes-I feel discouraged that I can not get in aerobic range. With all the joint support in water, I can really push myself.
How do you all handle changes in your daily food plan-I do fine until dinner-had 2 meetings today and just arrive home at 5:30 with about an hours of prep time in front of me for the dinner that I had planned. so I am subsituting an easier but low cal pizza. -Credit tho-I only drank water while many yummy food options were around me. That was good!
I like the steps for dealing with negative emotions-What are your signals to start evaluate the feeling with logic and stop going into the down ward negative response either with yourself or with others? What is your success rate?. I think I am about 25% able to feel that pain in my stomach- a sense of Oh my god-I have done something wrong. Often I think in go right into a food want and then become preoccupied with should or should not eat something and skip the internal evaluation of feelings. Still kind of missing the skill of acknowledging and resolving my own feelings, but getting a vague the eating isn't going to solve anything. But more energy is spend in the wrestling the food desire than the resolving the negative feelings.
SuchATwin-glad your DH blood clot is not currently super serious. Your home life sounds very busy!
Liannie and Ann-look forward to your return and hearing about what is up.
take care
After you weigh yourself, calculate the change in your weight, place a dot on the weight-loss graph, and connect the dots. Contact your diet coach to tell him or her how much your weight changed. If you’ve lost a half pound or more, great! If you haven’t, don’t get discouraged. Just remember to review your eating plan with your diet coach if it turns out that you’ve stayed the same weight or gained weight for two weeks in a row.
Sabotaging Thought: I know it’s reasonable to have lost only a half pound this week, but I’m still disappointed.
Helpful Response: My weight is going down. That’s good! It means that what I’ve been doing is working. I should celebrate each and every half-pound weight loss. If I hope for something unrealistic, I’ll be disappointed. I’m going in the right direction. That’s what counts. I really deserve a lot of credit for using the mindset and behavioral techniques I’ve learned and for weighing less than I did when I started this program.
Once I develop realistic expectations for weight loss, dieting will be easier.
The lazy part of me likes this Program-day because it’s an easy one for me. I track my weekly weight (Sunday) as well as my daily weight using an automatic graph in Excel. The daily graph has enough jitter that upticks of a few pounds do not disappoint me because I can see that they’ve always come back down. Likewise, I don’t get prematurely enthusiastic about downticks of a few pounds – that’s not uncommon for me and they are only passing spikes in the data. Since my loss has stopped and I’ve declared that I’m on maintenance, while I remain on plan real changes take weeks to appear.
Kale, Swiss Chard, Collard Greens, Onions, and Feta Cheese
Kale, Swiss Chard, Collard Greens, Onions, and Feta Cheese
1 Medium Onion
1 Bunch Collards, Swiss Chard, and/or Kale
1 Tbsp Cooking Oil
1 Oz. Feta Cheese
Pepper to taste
Remove tough stems from a bunch of kale, collard greens, or kale or a mixture. Wash, shake dry, chop into approximately 2-inch squares.
In a cast-iron pot with a lid, sauté a medium onion over medium-high heat in 1 Tbsp. vegetable oil until translucent.
Add the cut up greens and, over high heat, mix with the onions until the greens begin to wilt.
Add about 1/2 cup of water, and some black pepper, bring to a boil, then lower heat and simmer covered for 30-45 minutes. Check to be sure water doesn't all evaporate.
Just before serving add 1-2 ounces of crumbled or finely cut-up feta cheese. Replace lid and wait a few minutes for cheese to melt. Add more pepper if desired.
Any leftovers taste really good warmed for a few minutes in a microwave.
Eating on plan yesterday included Vegetable Curry over basmati rice from a small Indian take out place that I passed on my lunchtime walk to Trader Joe's. So yummy, and it was enough that I saved half for my lunch today. I'm already thinking about it.
Sue (CoastalSue) - Taking note of your commitment to do: "sit and be fit" dvd for 1/2 hours on Thursday, Friday. Let us know how you do.
I admire that you stand down all your itis'es to continue to exercise. You seem pretty clear in your determination.
Tell us more about your "bluff" where you walk. Are you near the Pacific?
Congrats on standing down all the "yummy food options." You know that I can find that difficult. I don't have a particular strategy for unexpected changes in my food plan; it's just wing it each time. Hope others have some thoughts here.
You're onto a big question for me; how to switch from eating to evaluating that I'm responding to an emotion. During the first 6-18 months of my journey, I did the equivalent of Beck's NO CHOICE, so I avoided the problem. Since I've been on maintenance with opened rules, I've exposed myself to the possibility of emotional eating, and thus, the need to try to catch it. I don't have a useful thought this morning, but I want to reread your comments and then continue this discussion; I could use an early warning system that I'm on the slippery slope.
MaryBlu - The Swiss Chard recipe is posted above. Enjoy. I love the stuff. Alas, the series of nights of very cold means that our garden crop is done for the year. We'll continue to buy it; it will taste about the same but emotionally isn't the same as home grown.
SuchAtwin - LOL at: I must confess, I would not please Dale.
Sorry that your DH clot is confirmed, glad it's not an emergency type.
Readers - May your weigh in be pleasing this week, and, if not pleasing, may you have someone to talk to about what changes you might plan for next week.
I did my 30 minutes of exercise-did a gentle but needed dvd of yoga -really needed the stretches after all the rest for the back. It felt great. I don't know of the back muscles are ready to do weights quite yet. I am vey eager to get my new swim jacket. I hope it works-The one thing I hate about mail order is not to get my hands on it first- thanks for the acknowledge that I continue to exercise-I then gave myself credit also.
I post my weigh loss on FitDay-it is nice the see the graph with the downward lines. I have such a big loss with illness now I am just maintaining it even though I have been dieting. A big step for me is than I have cut out all alcohol-Just a step to remain more focused on healthy eating. Chard sounds yummy!!
The bluff-yes we are very close to the Pacific ocean. We see waves crash over a hugh rock from our front window. There is a serenity to were we live-rather isolated and far from common services-but we love the community and amazing people live around us and there is a very thriving art and intelluctual commuity all about. PS really miss Curry food and TJ"S-it is an 4 hr round trip to see such places. But a very well know buddhist monk from San Francisco is coming up and giving a one day retreat on Sat. here so there are other treats.
Ate on plan yesterday: Went to work already thinking about the second half of my vegetable curry, LOL. DW made dal and nan (lentils and Indian bread) for dinner with California Navel Orange for snack. I don't know what we'd do if California didn't feed us. Sending gratitude toward the growers of California who are the only thing saving me from root vegetables for evening snack.
I'm still working on Program-day 36 - Believe It; not ready to post its completion yet. This one requires documenting a recap of all we've learned on the Beck plan to date. I want to give the process sufficient time to feel what I'm writing. I have a near infinite capacity to minimize positive steps I've taken with the
Sabotaging Thought: I should have known this stuff years ago.
Helpful Response: Giving myself credit now is a major part of accepting me, rather than focusing on an ideal me.
To complete the change to a healthy life style, I have to accept all parts of me before, including the thinking errors that supported my bad eating habits and couch potato'ing. I really want to live a healthy lifestyle without effort, as in I lost the weight, so let's coast for the rest of my life. It was a most useful thought from Beck that all thin people think about what they eat (acknowledging the few exceptions).
Sue (CoastalSue) - Congrats on doing your yoga DVD. Hope your back continues to improve.
And congrats on taking the extra healthy eating step of cutting out the alcohol. You have your Advantages Card to help you keep on that plan during your social adventures.
And continued congratulations on your maintained weight loss. Your location sounds ideal. I love living in the city for its obvious benefits. And every time I visit my friends in the suburbs and beyond, I enjoy experiencing those benefits. I dream of having a small flat in London, one in Paris, a shack on an island off Greece, a place in St. John's, a condo in Colorado, and a few other places. DW reminds me that I can go to all those places and use the hotels. She's right, of course, but I have no reason to change my dream.
Readers - May your day include a spontaneous exercise that brings you delight.
BillBlueeyes-your posting had me reveiw chapter 36-what have I really consistently been successful with. 1. have a foundation of very nutrious diet plan.- not perfect but really have strong sense of have hughly increased amounts of veggies and fruit, reduced sugar and fats and white flour foods-elminated most processed foods. Big step and generally stay within 1500 cals daily and really understand why i want to lose the weight.
Inspite of being 90-95% on program-that 5-10% slows my weight loss-I am not doing yoyo scales but sabotaging a more steady quickier weight loss.
The culprit behaviors to work on
1. Deal with triggers in social settings.
2. Identify and counteract my sabotaging thoughts.
3. Truly respecting and giving my self credit-tend to focus on the unaccomplished goals versus the successes.
4. Coping with emotional (negative and celebrating feelings) moments.
5. Combating sensory imput of foods-i.e Yesterday went to this absolute great small bakery-(truly increditable selection and quality of treats) because they a great selection of wonderful children toys-I got the things for the grandkids-never got a bake good but the craving and desire to get some "something delicious" is still lingering with me -only slowly lessening. But even as I did chores today about the community today at each location a food thought came up about what I could get a each place-candy bar, See's candy, sweet roll, a cookie ect. I did not get that but I did eat some white bread toast with breakfast. Just have not complete master no choice-I really wish had not even eaten the toast. Guess I am still making health sacrfices to craving gods-they still seem relentless in demand their due. Really admire your master of so many step.
Look forward toward your list. I really understand about expecting this to be easier-again thanks for continue to posting so I can share all the drama this is for me to work thru. Having heard advice, criticism, ridicule, pity and disgust regarding my eating habits all my life-even gone to therapy-honestly this has been most help to work the Beck concepts with some of the feed back and support from here.
Where to live-I have this dream of network of shared homes about the place.-I love it here, also San Francisco, Santa Fe NM. New Orleans prior to the floods-(lots of fun music and food there) Some warm beach like area. I have spent almost no time back east-would like to see Boston and other New England areas. Haven't traveled to Europe yet. It is part of my goal to increase my mobility to enjoy walking some about come European cities.
Appreciate each step taken to change unhealthy habits-it an't easy.
Today is a day for running many errands. A small local store has some nice scarves on display - soft, long, tasseled ends, attractive colors and patterns; thinking of getting them for the three women on my list.
Still working on my Program-day 36 stuff, Believe It; it's important to me to get clear about what I believe I've learned from this Beck stuff that I'm going to use every day. I know it seems like dawdling and that Beck might say "Just DO IT," but some of her strategies are easy for me (e.g. eat sitting down) and some are hard (e.g. Identify Sabotaging Thoughts and create Helpful Responses.)
Ate on plan yesterday, during all my planned eating times, but do have a situation for which I request some help. When shopping at Whole Foods for some healthy soy nuts for snacks, I ate FREE samples of:
o grapefruit,
o navel orange,
o shrimp bisque,
o curry pumpkin seeds (turned down 3 other flavors),
o French cheese with pepper jelly on a cracker,
o French cheese with apricot jelly on a cracker,
o vegetarian liver pate on hard stick bread,
o rice pilaf with peas, orzo, and mushrooms,
o spinach hummus on whole wheat,
o lemon hummus on whole wheat,
o raspberry spritzer (turned down 3 other flavors),
o black olive,
o green olive.
Does anybody see a problem here? Any suggestions?
Sue (CoastalSue) - What a thoughtful response for your Believe It day. Good stuff here for me to ponder.
When I get me list together, this will certainly be on it:
Quote:
2. Identify and counteract my sabotaging thoughts.
Congrats on your walk about without giving in to all the food thoughts. It's just amazing how often food thoughts are on my brain. Do thin people think of food all the time?
Quote:
I wonder what thin people are thinking tonight?
Readers - May you make wise choices when offered food today.
Just a short note prior to leaving on the one day meditation retreat. Plus tonight we have company so may not be able to write more later, What the heck to those thin think.!!! My husband also went to the bakery with the other day with me. He didn't even think about getting a treat for this lame reason-he felt full. Really what do that have to do with wanting treats. He was amazed about how much the treat and lusting after the treat for hours was in my mind. I think even see food for me is like how some folks react to porno-just seeing it gets them excited. Anyway-more later-company just arrived
I have just recently starting reading the Beck Diet Solution. I am going to be honest and say that once I began reading how she writes the book, it did turn me off. To me, it seemed like she was being very flippant about a lot of the "meat and potatoes" about her topic. I don't like her writing style. She says "well, I can eat anything I want" but then goes on to say "however, it seems like I want to eat healthy foods." Well, there was a lot of transitions to get to that point that I don't see her discussing. I think, in that way the book fails for me. I have been working OA for 12 years and you don't wake up one day and say I think I will have start eating healthy today. It doesn't work for the majority of people that way. It may work for a few but a rare few.
The one thing I think it does address is how to put in place a lot of behavior modification skills that do work. I had learned them from other places but it is nice that it is all in one book. As I mentioned in some recent posts of mine, I avoided food-centered parties because I was terrified of "getting lost" in all of the food choices. This past weekend I went to a Christmas party, my first in decades, where I ate a truly normal portioned meal, had three cookies for dessert and finished the meal with a can of diet soda. I felt so at peace with the whole situation and I said to my DH last night, "Wow, I enjoyed myself at that party!"
I want to be open to everything this site and all of the great books everyone here is willing to comment on and share. I have gained INVALUABLE insights into myself by listening to what all of you have to say. The 12 Steps have one requirement----TO BE WILLING. I take this to mean, to be willing to be TAUGHT, to be OPEN, to be ready to LEARN, to just BE.
I had a really emotionally rough past three days that hit me in a couple of vulnerable places: my job, our bank account and my nephew and godson. I was so full of anger, emotion, crying, ranting and so on. I told my DH the other night I was too upset to eat supper. I decided to have 4 pieces of homemade fudge. That was supper one night. The next day I was so upset it took me all day to eat my toast from breakfast and I finished it two days later. I stepped on the scales and the stubborn couple of pounds I was wrestling with slipped off. Now, when life throws me some curve balls, I make a huge fuss. That is who I am! I wish I could be as calm as a cucumber but I'm not. I asserted myself with my supervisor and then our operations manager, I asserted myself with our bank and told them I was filing a formal complaint, and I cried with my sister who told me my nephew who is mentally ******ed is being physically abused by his caretakers. That is what life is made of! Not all the time, TG, but sometimes it just plain SUCKS and you know what I don't need to eat a hot fudge sundae to prove the point that I am hurting. IF I tell you I am, well, then take my word for it. I have FINALLY GOT IT.
I don't feel any body, including God, is punishing me or the people around me. It is a sign of our times but everyone has things that happen that suck in their lives. It is learning to find the good in all of that.
I think the Beck Diet solution is ultimately saying what Dorothy said in the Wizard of Oz. We are looking into this inanimate object called food for love, comfort, to relieve our pain, to keep us from facing our boredom, our pain, our need for love and friendship, etc. ---you get the picture when all of that was not in the food but within ourselves.
If you feel pain, feel it---cry,stomp your feet, make a fuss! If you feel love, tell someone, give them a hug. If you feel like moving, move--dance, twirl, swing, whatever. If you want to go to Europe, start putting aside a little bit of money today. We are people of untapped energy, unrealized dreams, and unfailing love and hope. That is what she is trying to say. YOU GOT ONE LIFE, START LIVING IT THE WAY YOU THINK YOU SHOULD BE LIVING.
As someone once said, "This ain't no dress rehearsal." For a very long time, longer than I care to admit, I thought I had a second chance---I kept putting off tomorrow what I "should have" done today. Tomorrow I'll do this or that. Well, twenty plus years have passed. I can NEVER relive those days. I cried for a long time realizing this. This past year I have done more to make my life what I have always wanted to be than any one year in my entire life. When you mentioned about Europe I thought I want to take art classes (something I haven't done since the early 80s) and I'm going to do it. I don't know how I will but I will find a way! Today,and maybe tomorrow if we are lucky, is all we have! If you have to "pretend" you have six months to live to start living then that is what you need to do.
When I realized this in my life, I started getting started. Start where you are at. I have not let my age (54 1/2), my weight (severely obese), my occupation, whatever stop me from doing the things that I want and need to do. We have a lot of unused energy (which shows up physically as fat) and once we begin to have an interesting life we don't NEED food any more to fill in those gaps.
It takes repetitive effort until one day it is as easy as breathing. I have moments when it happens. I hope to string those moments together like pearls on a necklace until I am completely and thoroughly living the life I was meant to live. IMO, I think that is the core of the Beck Diet Solution. Basically, GET A LIFE!
That is all there is to it. I can do it. And, so can you!
Last edited by pamatga; 12-08-2007 at 01:17 PM.
Reason: added info
pamatga - Ouch - that's some rough stuff to be going through. I wish you well and hope that someone is able to help your nephew.
Thanks for taking the effort to produce such a thoughtful post. I do like your three word condensation of Beck's 288 page book
Quote:
"GET A LIFE!"
and I agree with your thought, that when we're into life, we don't need food to fill in the gaps.
Also good to hear that you find Beck's strategies consistent with so much that you've accumulated over the years - I'll take that as an affirmation that her stuff makes sense. It's interesting that her style just doesn't strike you. I'm quite happy with the book, but I also detect that she minimizes some things, specifically time. I found it has taken some time to absorb her writing and do the exercises every day. I'm pleased that I'm doing it and willing to spend the time, but do find it a bit galling that she refers to it as a few minutes a day. Maybe after I'm done with the 42 Program-days it will only be a few minutes.
Hope you'll continue to share some of your experience with us. I'm only 26 months into this journey and feel admiration for someone like yourself who has 12 years experience.
Is it too late to be a part of this discussion? I just bought the book today so I'll be farther behind that everyone else, but I can just read and observe here as I read the book.
Completed Beck Program-day 34: Solve Problems
Wednesday and still cold
. Failing the Dale Carnagie course will be my forever negative selftalk defense against know it alls. I am still laughing. I may put that one on a card and laminate it. There are so-o-o many know it alls in my business plus my family tends to breed them. Sigh, at times, I must confess, I would not please Dale. Just found out DH does have a small superficial blood clot in his leg which could be related to a number of his health issues. We are grateful it is not an emergency and is just something to watch. DS frequently has angst which is a challenge for us all. Without angst wouldn't life be dull.
This is my experience
