I'm a long-time lurker who finally felt the need to actually speak up- a big hello to everyone!
I was in a horrible car accident a few months ago and have had to move across the country back to where my parents are. I was in a wheelchair for a few months after having a bunch of surgeries on my foot and knee- now, though, I am finally ready to take my life back.
I could easily turn this into a gigantic saga about my desire for change and the things that have caused it, why this time will be different. That's for the journals, I guess, so suffice to say that for the first time in my 24 year long life I am appreciating what my body is capable of. The flip side of this, though, is that I feel horribly guilty for being so lazy about taking care of myself for so long.
My mom was diagnosed wth cancer as soon as I got out of the wheelchair, and I am staying with her while she goes through treatments. She's told me countless times that I need to take care of myself because if I don't, bad things will happen. Finally, it's starting to sink in.
It took me months to learn to walk again, and now I can even run a little on the treadmill. I've always wanted to be skinny- I haven't been thin at any time I can consciously remember. But it was always shallow. I used to live in Los Angeles; a different planet altogether, but especially so when you're the 300 pound girl who has "such a pretty face." I only cared about looking "right". And whenever I dieted out of sheer vanity, it never worked. Ever. I developed tons of bad habits and bad attitudes. Now, I'm tired of it.
So this is it, I guess. I wasn't sure what to aim for with this first post- I'm just looking for reassurance, some people to talk to, and the chance to learn from other people's experiences. My life has been in complete upheaval since my car accident- everything was ripped and thrown into the air, and now I'm stuck with picking up the pieces. I am scared, terrified even, of finally taking the plunge and committing myself to a healthier lifestyle. But this time I'm going to do it, and I look forward to sharing the experience with you all.