[shellsbells]

I'm a long-time lurker who finally felt the need to actually speak up- a big hello to everyone!

I was in a horrible car accident a few months ago and have had to move across the country back to where my parents are. I was in a wheelchair for a few months after having a bunch of surgeries on my foot and knee- now, though, I am finally ready to take my life back.

I could easily turn this into a gigantic saga about my desire for change and the things that have caused it, why this time will be different. That's for the journals, I guess, so suffice to say that for the first time in my 24 year long life I am appreciating what my body is capable of. The flip side of this, though, is that I feel horribly guilty for being so lazy about taking care of myself for so long.

My mom was diagnosed wth cancer as soon as I got out of the wheelchair, and I am staying with her while she goes through treatments. She's told me countless times that I need to take care of myself because if I don't, bad things will happen. Finally, it's starting to sink in.

It took me months to learn to walk again, and now I can even run a little on the treadmill. I've always wanted to be skinny- I haven't been thin at any time I can consciously remember. But it was always shallow. I used to live in Los Angeles; a different planet altogether, but especially so when you're the 300 pound girl who has "such a pretty face." I only cared about looking "right". And whenever I dieted out of sheer vanity, it never worked. Ever. I developed tons of bad habits and bad attitudes. Now, I'm tired of it.

So this is it, I guess. I wasn't sure what to aim for with this first post- I'm just looking for reassurance, some people to talk to, and the chance to learn from other people's experiences. My life has been in complete upheaval since my car accident- everything was ripped and thrown into the air, and now I'm stuck with picking up the pieces. I am scared, terrified even, of finally taking the plunge and committing myself to a healthier lifestyle. But this time I'm going to do it, and I look forward to sharing the experience with you all.

[jiffypop]

oh shells... you have been through the wringer and you aren't done yet!!!!! i understand.. i was in a hospital for 5 weeks and anursing home for 3 back in 2001. and now i'm the main caretaker for alzheimers-mom. it's hard watching them fall apart, and realize that the only thing you can do is help them get through the day with some degree of comfort and dignity, and on top of that to take care of your own healing.

you have a lot to deal with. so it's really FABULOUS that you have come out of lurkdom., since you've been hanging out, you realize how many really fabulous folks there are around here.

feel free to explore even more and jump in wherever you're comfortable. there are a number of people around in similar situations, or, unfortunately, even worse ones.

don't give up on yourself!!!!

[DonnaD]

Welcome aboard. Jiff is so right. There are so many people here, every age, size all with different and like issues. So you've done the right thing. I have kids your age and I know its hard to pull things together today(even if you've been lucky enough to avoid accidents) that's why they all still live with me. <<<< not that that's a forced smile. But honestly, as much as I love them and I know they can't make it on their own yet, I want them to pull their lives together(AND GET OUT! ) But it takes time and unfortunately sometimes you get kicked a few times before you finally are able to stay upright. But be patient it will pull together. I'm sure it means alot to your mom that you are staying to support her in her time of need. Thats a big part of life. You must give and receive. So here we are to listen to the good, the bad, the ugly. What ever and when ever.

Look forward to hearing from you again.
ttyl