I'm an introverted high school student with major self-image issues. I'm roughly 5'8 - 5'9 and I weigh a good 330lbs. I lost about 20lbs since June, and I haven't changed anything. I'm 15 years old and living one **** of a horrible life, but I manage.
First of all, It's hard for me to make friends. Being an INTJ, Friendship has never really been a priority. Neither has socialization. People find me awkward and unemotional, which really sucks because I know that I'm not either. I'm good with words.. Until I say them outloud. But I really am an emotional person. It's just hard for me to express my emotions (I had no idea why, Until I learned who I really am).
For me, I'm far from the "norm". Of course, It's my personality. I'm an INTJ. What's this INTJ I keep mentioning? (Read about it here: http://oddlydevelopedtypes.com/conte...s-intjs-e-book The book is free, Just enter $0. This book explains me to the tee!) Basically, I'm the philosopher. I'm quiet, I think alot, and I'm not very social. Strange, Huh?
Anyways, I recently changed schools and the transition actually went better then expected. The change is actually part of my inspiration to want to lose weight. You see, I've been at my old school district for 11 years. I grew up with everyone their, and they knew and understood me. They also know that I'm just a fat loner with only a handful of friends. They look at me in shame. I'm glad I moved, even if it means losing my old friends. As I said before, Friendship isn't really a priority. I still talk to them out of school, but it's not like before.
Going to this new school really opened my eyes. I started questioning myself. Why am I destined to be a loner? Why am I okay with that? Why aren't I like the other kids? and most important, Why don't I do something about my weight?
The answer to all of those questions is simple. I didn't know me. I didn't know who I was. I was a mere stranger to myself. When I discovered that others like me exist, I was reborn in a sense. I understand myself better, my motives, my thoughts, everything.
I also understand that this weight needs to go. I need to do something before it's too late. My life has just started (again) and I need to live properly. I can't live the best I can if I'm large. It gets in the way with everything.
My wake up call came last summer when we went to an amusement park. My parents don't like rollercoasters. Admittedly, I don't either. Mostly I find them uncomfortable (ahem) and I'm not really an "adrenaline junkie". But my parents finally decided to go on a roller coaster with us. This roller coaster appealed to them, and since it takes a picture, It would be something to put on the fridge.
Imagine the embarrassment to get into the seat and realize you don't fit. My heart sank. At that moment, I wished it stopped. The safety belt, fully extended, didn't even touch to the other end of the clip. The bar wouldn't lock into place either, and part of me was hanging over the side. I wanted to die right there (Not literally, I'm far from suicidal). I hurried, Faked dry heaved, and ran to the bathroom. I stayed locked in there for a good hour, my family telling me it's okay. (They thought I was actually sick). They will never know the real reason I bailed. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone.
Back to presant day. Finally getting off from school for a four day weekend. It'll be a great opportunity to clear my mind and ease up a little. It's also a great time to start getting into shape. New Year's is only a month and 4 days away! For once in the 10 New Year's I can remember, I'm finally going to set a resolution and stick to it. My goal: Lose 150lbs by the start of next school year.
Nobody knows me now, It'll be like becoming a new student. Again. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to lose this weight. I'm planning on calling the doctor this weekend and setting up an appointment. If all goes well, I'll be set-up on a new diet (Strictness doesn't matter. At this moment, I'm willing to live off cabbage juice and onions if that's what it takes) and have an exercise plan mapped out. I got a heart rate/tracker watch (One of those really expensive ones, I paid $20 for it at a garage sale) and a hellva' lot of determination.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, Have a nice Turkey Day tomorrow (if you celebrate it). Goodnight everyone.
I just wanted to add something really quickly, It's rather important. Has anyone been in the same or similar boat as me? My parents decide everything I eat, So How should I convince them to let me diet? Diet's are expensive, and well.. my parent's don't like spending money on things deemed "unimportant". I know they think I will fail. I'm positive they don't have faith in me, But I can't be sure. I haven't approached them yet, But I'm hoping the Doctor could help me with that one. Guys (and gals), I'm going to need alot of help. I would be so gractious for any support. Please, please, please send me any helpful advice. Anything that could help me. For example, Exercises I could do from home would be great. Right now, I can only think of is taking walks. We don't have any equipment, and Gym Passes are expensive (Not to mention super embarassing). Anyone have helpful advice?
Welcome. I'm so glad you've decided to take these initial steps. That's so important.
As far as diet, nothing is going to be more important. It's not just about getting skinny, it's about your health. Healthy(er) eating will benefit everyone in your family, whether or not everyone is overweight... Even skinny people who eat junk are at risk of developing health problems. Can you pose your desire to overhaul your diet as being beneficial for everyone?
If meals are not within your control, portions are. I personally measure or weigh what I eat. I limit processed food, but on the rare occasion we eat something processed, I measure out a single serving, whereas before I would just fill my plate with a couple scoops... Mac and cheese comes to mind... Lol!
Please keep us posted with how everything goes.
(I was asked to get off a roller coaster once by the operator. Yeah... That was tough.)
As far as exercising... Check out YouTube. There are lots of exercise videos that you can do, mostly with your own weight for resistance.
There are exercise/diet books at the library. Different plans and ideas. These might help point you in a direction, and if you are reading them in your parents company, might spark a conversation.
Sorry for the multiple posts... Lol, keeping thinking of more i want to say.
The first part of my weight loss journey, i ate garbage, but LESS GARBAGE. You can eat imperfectly and lose weight. Not ideal, but it's possible.
Read labels. Make substitutions. Let's say it's spaghetti night... Have a reasonable portion, but skip the garlic bread. If it's burgers for dinner... Sub the mayo for mustard. Or choose to have just the burger, no bun.
Maybe try to suggest a "salad night" or two... For the whole family.
But, you are young, and I get that the parents are still a big part of life for you.
So, take things in small steps!
I get that taking the small steps, seems like it will take forever, but, over all, what really matters is the small steps.
Yeah, it takes time. And patience, but commit to one small thing, then commit to another, and then another. It may take a lot of patience, getting the family to see you are serious, but, one small thing at a time, adds up!
The journey to a healthy life style, takes, patience, perserverance and practice! Some days will be better than others. However, practice makes progress!
I would caution against trying to use your MBTI type to explain your personality to others. Not because it isn't useful - it surely is, and I have an obsession with the subject myself (us INTJs seem prone to that... it's nice being able to sort everyone into sixteen neat categories) - but because not everyone thinks as inorganically as us INTJs, and not everyone likes to be put in a box (one of my pet peeves, but this is neither the time nor the place for that rant).
With that said, I know where you're coming from. I had different childhood experiences (for example, I changed schools a lot as a kid because we moved house a lot), but the end result is similar. I've always been okay with being a loner, and I analyze myself a lot.
Re: Dieting as an INTJ
First off, I don't think your MBTI type is much help in explaining or fixing problems with food, because even if our emotions are suppressed, we still have them. And even if we have different reasons for eating than some other people - it's the reasons that matter, not the MBTI type.
So, you do need to think about why you eat too much, and what the circumstances are that make you binge. For instance, I'm definitely a bored eater. Food is a thing to do, for me - and it's instantly gratifying. Previously I never thought of myself as someone who gets bored, but the truth is, I have such a distaste for boredom that I'm constantly involved in some project or other - and if I don't have one, I'm likely to fill my time with something that subconsciously seems like a project (eating).
Now, yes, I can explain this with MBTI. In fact, I've read INTJs are more likely to be thin because food isn't on the priority list, which would imply we are the exception that proves the rule (boredom can cause binging?). But INTJ's aren't the only people who practice bored eating, and I'm sure not all INTJs do (do you?).
Anyway, onto the useful stuff:
Because of my love of data (which I'll assume you share), I enjoy using MyFitnessPal to count calories and keep track of my weight and measurements. I eat whatever I want, and I reward myself for keeping on track with logging, NOT for pounds lost. I do project graphs into the future so I can see when I am likely to reach goal, but my day-to-day actions must be focussed on the logging and the data. I'll hazard a guess that this is because "food" is too subjective a concept for me to take much interest in from day to day. Food is emotional. I eat when I'm bored.
But if I focus on the data, I'm not bored anymore, so it's easier to eat within my calories. If I want to snack, I check to see if I still have calories left. I try and eat a good amount of protein every day. I pay attention, because my body is a fascinating project now, and I am all about projects.
Re: Diets are Expensive
I think it's a misconception that dieting is expensive. Fad diets are expensive because by their nature their purpose is to make money. However, eating less (on its own) is obviously cheaper, and eating healthier can go either way, depending how you go about it.
So if you're limited by what your parents are willing to buy, then find a diet plan that doesn't require huge changes in what you're eating. If your mom cooks dinner, choose the items that fit your plan. But make sure you pick a plan that will work in most situations. Personally I think calorie counting might be a good option for you because it doesn't cost any money, and it allows you to eat any foods. You just have to control your portions and select which foods are worth it to eat, and which aren't.
And of course, it has the added bonus of being able to chart your progress and look back to see what might be causing you blips along the way.
It's possible your parents may not want you to diet because dieting isn't healthy. If you're trying to lose weight, it really, truly does need to be a long-term lifestyle change - something you plan to keep up indefinitely, and are willing to tweak until it's something you CAN keep up forever.
I've always been cautious about dieting, but it didn't stop me from doing Weight Watchers once, and Dukan another time. Both times I planned to continue indefinitely, but both were problematic for me. They were diets I thought would be fine to follow along with, but they were restrictive in their own ways.
Weight Watchers is theoretically just like calorie counting, but every item I put on the list required a calculation. Granted, I was pretty good at guessing on the spot how many points a given item represented, but sticking with 30 (or however many) points per day in their simplified system was, oddly, too liberating for me. If I had 10 points left, wow, I could have cake if I wanted. So I ate cake. I would never have been eating cake otherwise. I have no idea what I was thinking.
And then there were meetings, which I was fine with but I didn't really see the point of them. I weighed in, sat at a lecture, and went home. The meetings were all about the scale, and I'm not continuously motivated by losing weight. Sometimes I really just don't care if I'm fat. My priorities shift.
Dukan restricts what you eat instead of how much, which I thought would be great because I have no problem with eating the same thing all day every day. If I like something, I'm likely to keep liking it forever. But there will always be things that still sound good. If my husband suggested pizza, sooner or later I would jump on board because I remember pizza. Don't you remember pizza? Pizza was good. Yes, let's do pizza.
The end result for both diets was, obviously, a weight gain. Sure, I lost 40 lbs both times, but that means nothing if you gain back 60 the following year.
But how do you avoid that?
I became terrified of losing weight after my regains. So, my focus now is to avoid a regain, more than it is to lose weight. I focus on logging, because it's the part of weight loss that inspires me in the long run. I reward myself for logging. I have a DXA scan scheduled every 4 months to check my body composition so I have an accurate idea of how much fat I really have, and how much lean mass I have, and how many calories I really need, so I can control my weight loss and keep it slow and reasonable.
If you lose weight more slowly, your body will not be in as drastic a rush to regain it if you fall off the wagon. But even better, you won't lose as much lean mass along with fat. Lean mass burns calories while you're at rest, so you want to hang onto that so you don't have to severely restrict yourself to keep losing weight.
There's so much I could say... I wish I could tell my 15-year-old self about my life now. But my 15-year-old-self probably wouldn't listen to me anyway.
At this moment, I'm willing to live off cabbage juice and onions if that's what it takes)
This quote scares me a bit for the simple fact that yes you can do whatever it takes to lose the weight but will you stick with it if things don't go the way you expected it to or if you are doing it for all the wrong reasons and especially if you only consume cabbage juice and onions?
I can promise you if you do that or something similar in a matter of weeks or possibly months (if you are really determined), every bit of weight you've managed to lose will come back and then some because as humans we can't just live off of that.
I love your drive and realizing that you have to do something about it at such a young age but you also have to set realistic goals for yourself and even though your parents basically control what you eat...you still have the power to control how much of it you eat or if you get allowances try to incorporate healthy choices into your diet when you go grocery shopping with them.
Instead of ice cream...fat free yogurt, instead of cookies, rice cakes, instead of soda, water or green tea, instead of juice, oranges and pineapples (full of juice), instead of chocolate, apples and strawberries...etc etc.
And if you don't get an allowance, suggest healthy snacks to your parents, I am sure they would get it for you if they love and care about you and your health.
And word of advice...don't tell them you are going on a diet or dieting...every parent freaks out about their kid dieting at such a young age as 15 and have every right to. You should tell them that this is a lifestyle change and you just want to eat better not starve yourself. That way it will come off more like you really want to lose the weight for positive reasons and they can't dispute you for wanting to make better choices versus being on some crazy diet that will probably have you passed out in a week or so (such as cabbage juice and onions).
Everything you said was totally me when I was 15 years old. The introversion, the not really caring that I didn't have that many friends because at the time I thought if they don't try to get to know me or see that I am more than just what they see on the outside, then its their lost but really deep down caring and crying myself to sleep most nights because I didn't fit in with the crowd.
And it wasn't just about being bigger than all the other girls because there were quite a few girls in my high school who were big as me or bigger and fitting in. So I knew it wasn't necessarily my weight but it played a huge part in it because I felt like I wasn't good enough and I felt like I needed to lose the weight to be the "It Girl". I didn't just want to be the big girl that was cool and could roll with the in crowd, I wanted to be the best me I could be before fitting in.
So for almost seven years, I have struggled with my weight, trying desperately to lose it to be the "It Girl", thinking that it would change the way I felt about myself and that it would magically erase all my insecurities and doubts and the fact that I am a loner.
I thought my introversion would be cured but I am realizing now that yeah even though losing weight will draw in a lot of attention, people will treat me differently, be nicer to me, want to be my friend, want to date me, but will it change how I feel about me on the inside? Will it change the fact that I like Harry Potter or know all this weird stuff about medieval literature or the fact that I hate talking on the phone.
And the answer is more than likely it probably won't.
So I say truly know what you're losing the weight for and go in with a mindset of "no matter what change may come externally, the outward change is not going to matter if nothing changes internally."
If you are truly an introvert, don't change that about yourself. You can grow to have different sets of friends but make sure that these friends will accept who you are and not try to conform you to who they are. That's the key to successful weight loss and successful living in general!
Something I didn't do the first time around but getting the hang of it this time around.
Research is key and I think as long as you get in at least 30 mins of cardio at a moderate to high intensity level, and 2-3 days a week incorporate strength training and core workouts, you will be fine.
With strength you have all types of workouts you can do such as pushups, squats, lunges...
Cardio...jumping jacks, running in place, a brisk walk or jog around the neighborhood (unless unsafe) then maybe consider looking at cardio workouts on the computer or your phone
There is a bunch more workouts you could do at home but you have to research.
Everything you said was totally me when I was 15 years old. The introversion, the not really caring that I didn't have that many friends because at the time I thought if they don't try to get to know me or see that I am more than just what they see on the outside, then its their lost but really deep down caring and crying myself to sleep most nights because I didn't fit in with the crowd.
So, I think you may have a lot in common with InhibitedINTJ but if we're strictly talking about how MBTI type relates to interpersonal relationships, then the issue is a different one than the one you've described.
Your description of crying yourself to sleep (something I've done many times myself, but for different reasons) implies you DID care about making friends and being around people and you cared whether they liked you or not. Whereas I think the issue being described is that InhibitedINTJ did NOT care, but was analyzing that lack of caring. I did the same thing a long time ago. I was involved in my own projects and those were far more important than the people around me. And when I stopped to think about other people, it would occur to me that most people DO care and isn't it true I SHOULD care?
In textbook terms, an INTJ is unlikely to cry themselves to sleep regularly because of not fitting in with the crowd. INTJs (again, in textbook terms) are independent and self sufficient to an extreme, and unlikely to base any part of their self worth on another person’s opinion, much less the opinion of a general crowd.
Now, I’m not saying INTJs are “better” or “worse” for it. We all have strengths and weaknesses. And I’m not saying you can’t identify with InhibitedINTJ, or me, or any other person. Certainly you can, and certainly you have here in some way. But in this section we seemed to be talking about MBTI type, and on that level, I think you’re coming at this from a different angle. (Mind you, we need different angles)
Quote:
Originally Posted by city_southernbelle
So I say truly know what you're losing the weight for and go in with a mindset of "no matter what change may come externally, the outward change is not going to matter if nothing changes internally."
If you are truly an introvert, don't change that about yourself. You can grow to have different sets of friends but make sure that these friends will accept who you are and not try to conform you to who they are. That's the key to successful weight loss and successful living in general!
Something I didn't do the first time around but getting the hang of it this time around.
Hello InhibitedINTJ, I was moved by your story. Good for you for making some attempt to get your weight down. You might always be introverted -- I am also very introverted and I've made it 57 years just fine. Love yourself! However getting some weight off will improve your health and self confidence -- and might actually make you a little bit more comfortable socially. I know for me when I get really heavy -- I tend not to want to do too much socially -- just from the general discomfort of my weight (walking hurts my feet, get winded easily, etc). In any case, you don't have to get thin -- you might be predisposed to being heavier -- but even knocking off 30 to 50 lbs might make you feel a lot better. And certainly will improve your health (esp as you get older). Keep up the great work. Stay inspired. There is support for you here.
Last edited by Avalon1957; 11-27-2014 at 05:33 PM.
city_southernbelle, if my comment came across like I'm a major jerk, can you PM me or something? I just got an extreme reaction to one of my comments in another thread and I feel like I've possibly been a major jerk today without realizing it (well, not entirely without realizing, this is the one comment I made today that I did feel was kind of jerk-y).
I'd rather not have the whole forum blocking me... so until I figure out what I'm doing wrong I just want to say, please say something? I'd PM you but the option isn't available on your user profile.
city_southernbelle, if my comment came across like I'm a major jerk, can you PM me or something? I just got an extreme reaction to one of my comments in another thread and I feel like I've possibly been a major jerk today without realizing it (well, not entirely without realizing, this is the one comment I made today that I did feel was kind of jerk-y).
I'd rather not have the whole forum blocking me... so until I figure out what I'm doing wrong I just want to say, please say something? I'd PM you but the option isn't available on your user profile.
No you didn't offend me at all. I actually am glad you pointed that out. I learned something new and like you said too its good to have a different take on the personality type. And I think I cried back then more so because I didn't want to be the way that I was and couldn't accept my introversion more than wanting to be in the in-crowd.
It actually horrifies me to be in the spotlight or for anyone to even come up and talk to me but at the same time I can't help but have this conflicting feeling of wanting someone to notice me. Its like I want to be noticed but because I feel so socially awkward I don't.
I don't really know if that's a trait of INTJ but all I know is that I prefer to be by myself but at the same time yearned for a long time for people to want to get to know me and accept me.
Now not so much. I've gotten pass the phase of wanting validation from others and only seek validation from myself and accepted that I am always going to be this way and others who truly want to be in my life are just going to have to accept that about me or leave.
Also I don't know why I don't have my pm up but I'm going to fix that now but thanks for what you said and please don't feel like you're offending me or anybody else...you're just speaking your mind and this is a forum so you have every right to.
I'm sick of it all!
