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timetoshine07 04-26-2014 07:58 AM

New here and I need help!!
 
Hi Everyone,

I have been looking at the forums here for a while and finally decided it is time i signed up. I am 120lbs over weight and desperate. Brief background, i have always been overweight for as long as i can remember (i am 24 now) and have always been up and down with my weight. I am now at the highest weight i have ever been and can see no way to lose weight, after trying and failing so many times. I need help! I have tried every diet, every slimming group, slimming pills and nothing sticks - i will eat healthily for a day or two and then go straight back to fast food and snacks. I have recently been given a new job role at work that requires me to dress much more smartly - i brought a load of clothes off ebay that i thought would fit (they are the biggest size i have ever had to buy) and they still don't fit!!! i cant face going into a shop to buy clothes anymore.

I have an exercise bike and countless exercise dvds that i do for a day or 2 then never go back to. i am in an endless cycle of losing a lb or 2 and then putting on 3 or 4lbs and i am at the point where i hate to look at myself. I hate my body and hate myself for becoming this.

Sorry for the rant i just had to get it out there :(

I can't do this anymore and i just need some advice or something, i dont know what really. Part of my problem i know is impatience, i just cant keep the motivation up for long enough and i know losing this amount of weight will take too long (in my mind). i think of all the times i have started to lose weight and how if i had kept it up by now i would be thin and happy - which makes me more depressed!

Again, sorry for the rant i really dont have any one to talk to about this and i guess i am reaching out to people who know what its like. any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you x

LRH 04-26-2014 08:52 AM

I think everyone here knows exactly what it is like. The most I've ever lost (at one time) was 50 pounds. The wake up call for me was a picture--I couldn't believe how I looked. That set the wheels in motion for me. Maybe your new job will do the same for you? But, in the end, it really is all within you. I wish I could tell you that something external will do it, but the bottom line is you have to want to lose more than you want to eat. I'd say that this process is at least 90% mental. I know you will find the support to help you here.

Pattience 04-26-2014 09:03 AM

Hi there. I'm going to overload you with advice. Take it as you like it.

You will get lots of advice from this site and a lot of it will sound conflicting and some of it will be confusing. Whatever happens, even if you try and fail, try to hang around until you figure out a system you want to follow.

Actually its best to work out a system that you devise yourself ultimately, i think.

But for my opinion, Personally i think you should forswear junk food forever. (even if forever is not forever, foreswearing things that cause you problems works for me). I've quit sugar forever. But my rules about it give me permission sometimes so while its forever, there are special circumstances where i can do it. And recently i tested my rule and it held good.



Probably you keep quitting because you don't believe you can do this. I know that i find it quite easy because i've done it before and know i can do it. However there have also been plenty of times i've started and quit. So don't set yourself up for failure by biting off more than you can chew at once. Take things slowly.

Some people say to make small changes and perhaps with someone like you, that might be the best solution.

IN the French women don't get fat book which i'm currently reading, when she was overweight, her doctor advised her to start by keeping a journal for three weeks and noting everything she ate and portion sizes, without trying to change anything. You could start with that. Even if you did it for a week. It will show you where you need to make small changes. And it may be an interesting record for the future.

Another idea you can do to start off so that it is easy, instead of starting off with restricting, start off with eating at your current maintenance calories but only eating healthy nutritious food that you've prepared yourself. I know that would be a big change but at least you wouldn't go hungry. It would also make you feel positive and healthy quite soon.

You can get your maintenance calories from an online counter. Don't try to do any exercise to start with. Make it easy for yourself. Let yourself build up to your diet gradually.

So if you just start by eating plenty but making it all healthy, that will give you plenty to focus on and you won't experience any hunger.

have breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon, snack, dinner and if you must, something else later if you are currently used to eating that often. But only if you must. I think trying to eat at fixed times helps because it helps you start to practice some discipline. Losing weight requires discipline and regularity.

Eat fresh vegetables and /or fresh fruit at every meal/snack time. Make fruit and vegies your focus.

Second make protein and dairy your second focus. unprocessed cheeses - try a variety, whole milk, unsweetened natural yoghurt, eggs, fish, meat, (unprocessed preferably), oily fish like sardines and salmon.

third, include different sorts of unroasted and unsalted nuts and seeds in small quantities, preferably as part of your meal and not as snack food. These can make otherwise plain food more exciting. its how i usually use cheese as well. I don't eat lots of cheese at once. I use it as a flavour enhancer mostly.

Other healthy fats include cold pressed extra virgin olive oil for salad dressings with balsamic vinegar and instead of butter if you wish. avocado. Try to avoid jars of mayonnaise and dressings as much as possible. They've usually got added sugar and poor quality salad oils.

Limit your intake of carbs like bread and pasta and rice if you have a tendency to eat a lot of it. Say 2-4 slices of wholegrain bread a day. And if you have bread, no pasta or rice. So try to make it only one serve of a carb thing a day. And if you are eating any of these things, there must be a lot of vegetables going with it. No more pasta al fredo (whatever that is. I know its unhealthy and that americans love it but i don't know what it is really).

Other foods good to work out how to use are lentils and beans and chickpeas. These are a high protein vegetable food. They are quite good with a little bit of meat.

Anyway learn how to cook and prepare good healthy nutritious food and leave everything else off the menu.

Learn how to cook with herbs and spices. Use fresh herbs in your salads.

Chuck all the bad foods away out of your house. Stock your house with lots of fruit and veg and dairy and meats/fish.

Cooking doesn't have to be an elaborate business. I usually make a big combo salad thing for lunch and a hot meal at dinner. 1/2 -1 cup beans/lentils + 2-3 salad vegetables + olive oil, balsamic vinegar (half half) + bit of fetta cheese + small quantity of seeds or nuts. This makes a fantastic salad.

At the moment i am being tested by boredom. When i am not bored i am not terribly hungry but since i'm procrastinating a lot and spending too much time on my computer and not working, i want to eat more often. But even so i find that eating good nutritious healthy foods means that overall, i am eating less than i would if i wasn't trying to eat healthy and lose weight.

Yes and you do need to learn how to take this all more slowly. You could read the book The Don't Go Hungry Diet by Dr Amanda Sainsbury - Salis to find out why. And you could read the book French Women Don't get Fat to find out more about how to enjoy good nutritious and yet delicious food while losing weight and how to keep it off.

Let's face if it you've been eating badly all your life, you have to devote some time into learning how to eat well. How to lose the taste for junk and to develop the love of good food.

I'm not sure how long it should take to lose 120 pounds in a healthy sustainable way but you probably know what is a good idea. Maybe its three years, maybe its two years. So lets say its 3 years just to make it easy. Don't focus on the duration. Say you think you could lose 40 pounds this year. I think that is quite doable. Talk yourself into being patient. Because you've got to learn how to do this. You need to allow for stalls and slow downs and learning and other things. Learn how to eat well for the first three months, and then gradually start reducing in the next three months.

Focus on learning to eat healthy in the first year more than losing weight. The weight will come off but you won't stress so much if you can focus on eating healthy.

I am focusing on eating healthy and i can tell you, it makes the whole business quite a bit more comfortable. I am not currently doing any exercise either.

Start off gradually with the exercise. Don't go silly with it. Its just setting you up for failure if you are not used to doing it and try to do too much too soon. Try instead to increase the activity of your every day life. All movement burns fat and calories. All movement is good. Cleaning, walking about, fidgeting, swimming, just getting up and down more often will help. Maybe you could consider getting a pedometer and counting your steps. People say this helps motivate them.


Well i'm sure i've said more than enough. I hope you find something in this which will help.

nostoneunturned 04-26-2014 10:51 AM

Oh my lord I hear you on the clothes issue. That's one of the worst feelings. I struggle with RIGHT now since I have two pairs of jeans that fit (out of like 30) and they are strained to the limits. It hurts, physically and emotionally. (congrats on the new job though!)

LRH + Pattience offers some REALLY good advice OP. There's a lot, but there's one thing that stands out to me, most.

Quote:

Actually its best to work out a system that you devise yourself ultimately, i think.
Yep. And notice she said "system," NOT diet. One thing I did upon joining was check out the Goal posts, because they are fun and inspiring, but many discuss their journeys and give tips. Even better is the Maintenance forum here. I found that while some calorie counted or used various plans, the key thing is that whatever you choose, must be something you are willing to do for the rest of your life. Many diet plans can be utilized successfully. Atkins, WW, MFP, Medifast...on and on. I've tried many myself. I've lost 30 pounds a couple of times on WW. The thing is, I could never keep the weight off.

I felt weak. Frustrated, full of self-hatred, constantly comparing myself to others. Many of those issues from within, but recently I'm learning that I have to stop "dieting" in the sense that it is a race to the finish, with the finish being the new low weight. It's not. Because that mentality kept me fat. I always, always gained it all back and extra. "Dieting" does not work for me because I'd like to maintain my weight loss.

This is getting long, sorry. But I really feel your pain. One of the best posts I've seen is in the Maintenance forum in a sticky called "Relapse." It is a post by Glory87, who lost 60+ pounds by quitting dieting completely and focusing on healthier habits ("superfoods," for her). She maintained this weight loss for 6+ years (she hasn't posted in a long time, but I'm POSITIVE she's still got it!). Her attitude is amazing. AS are so many on here.

No one here can tell you EXACTLY what you need to do, what will work for you. I could suggest (as Pattience did) that you could look at improving your habits slowly over time. Instead of thinking of it as eliminating anything negative, think of it as adding positives. Focus on healthy, filling foods you ALREADY enjoy. Because I know, when I've been in the diet mindset before, it's like, "time to eat this salad...maybe someday I'll love it..but I'm still super jealous of my bf's cheeseburger so this sucks.." LOL. I think there is much grey area between junk food (which I admittedly love) and raw veggies. Which maybe you love already and need to focus on portion control or something.

Truth: there is no easy route, no magic bullet. You will have to make sacrifices. It will take time, pre-planning, and some days your patience will be tested. But the trade off is FAR better than any snack or take out meal. You will have great health, energy, and a body that can rock any style. But one step at a time, you can do this. YOU own you life.

Kscott 04-26-2014 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by timetoshine07 (Post 4992071)
Hi Everyone,

I have been looking at the forums here for a while and finally decided it is time i signed up. I am 120lbs over weight and desperate. Brief background, i have always been overweight for as long as i can remember (i am 24 now) and have always been up and down with my weight. I am now at the highest weight i have ever been and can see no way to lose weight, after trying and failing so many times. I need help! I have tried every diet, every slimming group, slimming pills and nothing sticks - i will eat healthily for a day or two and then go straight back to fast food and snacks. I have recently been given a new job role at work that requires me to dress much more smartly - i brought a load of clothes off ebay that i thought would fit (they are the biggest size i have ever had to buy) and they still don't fit!!! i cant face going into a shop to buy clothes anymore.

I have an exercise bike and countless exercise dvds that i do for a day or 2 then never go back to. i am in an endless cycle of losing a lb or 2 and then putting on 3 or 4lbs and i am at the point where i hate to look at myself. I hate my body and hate myself for becoming this.

Sorry for the rant i just had to get it out there :(

I can't do this anymore and i just need some advice or something, i dont know what really. Part of my problem i know is impatience, i just cant keep the motivation up for long enough and i know losing this amount of weight will take too long (in my mind). i think of all the times i have started to lose weight and how if i had kept it up by now i would be thin and happy - which makes me more depressed!

Again, sorry for the rant i really dont have any one to talk to about this and i guess i am reaching out to people who know what its like. any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you x


Welcome--you've reached the point like many of us have--referred to often--as the wake up call. Now you just need to do something about it. Start off with figuring out what your current body mass index is at this link. You need to know where you're at before you can start.
http://nutritiondata.self.com/tools/calories-burned

It's very easy--then at the same link you can determine how many calories you need to consume daily to get to your goal weight. I have just purchased a Fit Bit--that also gives you a lot of information that you wear on your body-to accurately determine how many calories you burn on an average day. Several of us are wearing those now.

You mentioned cycling and not staying with it. You're not staying with it because you don't like it. If you're a social person--join an exercise class--my addiction is Jazzercize. And even though my husband has a gym downstairs that he uses--I get so boooored--I won't use the treadmill--elliptical or the weights. So find an exercise that you enjoy doing and you'll stay with it. Start out slow--2 to three times a week--and once you feel comfortable move up in the amount of exercise you do weekly. This builds your endurance and burns calories, as long as you're not overeating your exercise program. Fitness along with weight loss doesn't come overnight.

Remember 1 pound a week will net you 52 pounds weight loss in a year and 2 pounds a week will be a 104 pound loss in a year. Weight loss taken off slowly tends to stay off, whereas rapid weight loss can be gained back twice as fast as you lost it.

Hang in there--make your plan today and stick with it, and you'll get there. Good Luck to you.


TheSatinPumpkin 04-28-2014 06:37 PM

Welcome!!!

rockieroad55 04-28-2014 07:32 PM

Welcome, timetoshine, I can sure relate to what you say and how you've been feeling... I've lost 25 lbs, on my way to 30, which will be almost half of my goal. I tried everything for the last 15 years and gave up.. then I found the alternate day fasting , I would do ok on the downdays, then overeat on the updays. . I got tired of the same 5 lbs bouncing around. .but then as I looked around and read more I found out that there really were foods that caused me to go off of diets.. yes, any sugar or heavy carbs. what I did was not exactly kosher, but I started cutting out a lot of carbs, especially ones that caused me to crave, and what happened then kind of surprised me. I found out that I wasn't exactly the same person when I didn't eat them.. I mean I had more willpower. I have continued to tweak what I do, and even on the updays, I still hold down the carbs and try to have ones that don't trigger my cravings. . I also don't believe that I ever got enough protein, since I was 60 or more lbs overweight, I would cut back on protein to save calories, now I don't . I even have a protein shake if I am too low on it for the day. It's been a slow process, but I never thought I would ever feel so hopeful about losing weight., like everyone says, it takes time, and you have to figure out what works for you. Good luck, and don't give up, you can do this,

Mrs Snark 04-28-2014 07:54 PM

Welcome! I want to second what Kscott said about finding an exercise you like. It is so much easier to do something that feels like a hobby than something that feels like work.

Find what you like! Even better find something you love!

IrishLad91 04-28-2014 10:21 PM

I'm gonna give some advice from my personal experience that will hopefully help.

you said you would lose a pound or 2 and then gain back more. The good part is you know what is needed to lose weight and you've probably heard this a thousand times, but it is true to the core that consistency is key.

You need to stop yourself when you feel cravings or weakness and say no. An hour later you'll feel great for winning that little battle and it will eventually get better through motivation and you're body adapting. When you lose your first 30 lbs and all of a sudden you need to shop for smaller clothes you'll thank yourself for saying no to yourself and staying strong. People will compliment you on what a great job you're doing and then you'll become accountable to people you know in real life which will dive motivation through the roof again.

Weight loss will slow down but that's when being consistent and strong really becomes vital to your weight loss journey.

Keep trying new types of exercises, zumba, walking, swimming, just dance...etc., you'll eventually click with one, you just gotta keep searching as you're dieting.

Best of luck on your weight loss and I hope you do great, remember take it a day at a time and eventually you will reap all the rewards and you will be so happy that you stayed strong. Trust me.

mb2004 04-28-2014 10:54 PM

I just want to tell you, im in a similar situation! Im 24 aswell and started on my healthy living about 30 days ago.

A few weeks before that I cut out most soda which was HARD! But after 2 weeks of that, I started on My Fitness Pal, and started counting my calories. I let myself eat anything I want as long as it fits into my calorie goal! (and at my weight its 1,960) Then I started working out some, Im doing C25K, (and I CAN DO IT!!!) and I swim atleast once a week... Im down 12 pounds in 1 month. Averaged out thats 3lbs a week, and if I can do it anyone can do it!!

Pattience 04-28-2014 11:08 PM

MB its great to read someone who's chosen to take a sensible, doable and sustainable approach finally. Especially someone who's young.

Of course as you go along, lose weight and have less calories available, you will also have to be more particular about what you eat. So long as you get your nutrition in first, then your approach will take you a long long way.

mb2004 04-28-2014 11:25 PM

Pattience even already just paying attention to what calories I'm eating I make better choices, I know that if I eat a half a plate of green beans and some chicken I'm more full than if I would have had a slice of everything pizza. But this way, I dont feel bad when I want some ice cream. I can have it as long as I eat light early in the day or I work my butt off at the gym. I also dont even think badly when I realize oops I gained a pound because with me working out I'm sure I'm turning some of this fat into muscle and losing inches. I should measure myself but its kind of difficult to measure myself by myself. LOL.

Mrs Snark 04-29-2014 11:40 AM

MB - if it is hard to measure yourself, you could try taking pictures! You'll really be able to see the changes as you progress (and it is more fun than just looking at the scale!)! :)

HungryInNewZealand 04-29-2014 10:17 PM

I could've written this post almost word for word. Lots of great advice in this thread but remember to treat yourself kindly. I too have a great start and then lost my motivation and determination. This time I'm hoping it's really going to happen and I wish the same for you.

Kscott 04-30-2014 01:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mb2004 (Post 4993841)
I just want to tell you, im in a similar situation! Im 24 aswell and started on my healthy living about 30 days ago.

A few weeks before that I cut out most soda which was HARD! But after 2 weeks of that, I started on My Fitness Pal, and started counting my calories. I let myself eat anything I want as long as it fits into my calorie goal! (and at my weight its 1,960) Then I started working out some, Im doing C25K, (and I CAN DO IT!!!) and I swim atleast once a week... Im down 12 pounds in 1 month. Averaged out thats 3lbs a week, and if I can do it anyone can do it!!


I love myfitnesspal also. It is a great (FREE) app for smart--I-phones and androids. I wish I would have known about this when I started! It makes it so very easy to enter foods--and give all the calories/carbs and other information--and then it saves the information. If you're a creature of habit, like I am--I usually eat the same things and it's so easy to enter--and it lets you know how many calories more you can eat during the day right at the top of the screen. No guess work at all in this. You set your weight--age--and your goal weight and it does the rest for you.

I synced it with my Jawbone UP--(similar to Fitbit) and it's all right on the home page of my cell phone.


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