Hello, ladies. My name is Tori and I'm not sure what I'm doing. I've been visiting thw forums here periodically for years, but this is the first attempt I've make to utilize this place.
I've been overweight pretty much my whole life. My first memory of dieting was when i did Atkins with my mom at age 10. It didn't last long. 15 years of failed attempts later, I'm here. I'm frustrated. I'm tired. I'm over it.
I've been doing this forever. I get mad. I get motivated. I get started. Then I get lazy. I make excuses. I rationalize. I stop caring and I start eating.
I like healthy foods. In fact, I prefer them. But there's this little thing called 'life' that interferes with my relationship with my kitchen. I don't have the money, or i don't have the time, or I just plain give up. It's stupid and I hate it. But it's life.
Over the past 5 months, without really meaning to, I've managed to drop 29 pounds. At least, that's what the scale at the health department says. It makes sense, though. My circumstances have changed. I'm on my own for the first time, so there's no disgusting processed Dad food lurking in my fridge. My car broke down so I have to walk half a mile to get cigarettes. I live on the second floor, so I don't buy soda because I'm too lazy to carry it up the stairs. Things have changed. Then again, some things never will.
I'm a stress eater. And my life happens to be incredibly stressful. This will not change. I've accepted stress as a permanent part of my life. But now my situation is different. I live alone. I alone am accountable for what enters my house and, therefore, my body. I cant blame anyone else for the garbage I used to eat just because it was there. I am in a serious relationship with a wonderful man who fell in love with the fat girl, who never let's me feel like my weight is an issue, but who inspires me to want to be healthier. In fact, he's the.reason I even noticed that first chunk of weight being gone.
Now that I know my body is capable of shrinking and that a measurable difference had been made, I want to keep it moving. The numbers on that scale last week surprised me and made me feel very strange, but now I realize that it was pride. It's nice. I like it.
I honestly haven't noticed a difference. I don't feel any smaller. My clothes don't fit any differently. I don't feel any less insecure. But I liked seeing that number being much smaller than I expected. I like that it happened without really trying. It makes me wonder what is possible if I actually start to put forth an effort again. It's worth a shot.
So here I am. It took me 15 years, but the catalyst has been discovered. I found my motivation. I'm not convinced I'll see any drastic changes, but I'm ready to see what happens, and I'm taking you all with me. It's very nice to meet you.