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This is where I tell you the same story...

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Old 09-11-2013, 08:43 AM   #1
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Unhappy This is where I tell you the same story...

...only 20-30 pounds heavier.

I had a membership here awhile back, but only posted a couple of times, chucked that email address, gained more weight, and now I'm back. (Not trying to abuse the IP/multiple screenname rule...) Here's my story:

Starting/Current: 240
Ultimate goal: 145

I'm 5'4", 35 years old, have two kids, married, and I'm completely disgusted with myself. I've been thin my whole life and only until my second child (around the time I married my husband) did I just....crumble. Marriage issues surfaced, my son was diagnosed with aspergers, and other personal events piled on daily stress and I KNOW I coped with food and alcohol. I would get determined to lose it, do well for awhile, lose TWENTY...then gain back THIRTY. I know the problem, I know the solution, I know I want to be there, but I don't want to do what it takes to get there. I do NOT get that part other than old fashioned laziness and an unwillingness to face my issues (particularly night time) when everything is still and, honestly, hurts more.

I don't know if I'm saying anything that those of us who are significantly overweight don't already know for themselves (i.e. emotionally eating, self-medicating). In fact, it might help to hear that others DO relate.

I DO want to be my thin, healthy self again, it's just so daunting to think how LONG of a journey this will be, or how many demons I will have to face to get there. It's discouraging to know I could have done the work so many years I "started" before...like, what's gonna be different this time? Will it stick? I think the difference will be community. I NEED SUPPORT!!! I need friends who can keep me honest, and that I can cheer on too!

Anyway...this is my intro. We'll see how it goes. Any tips or suggestions? Thanks for listening!
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Old 09-11-2013, 09:47 AM   #2
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Welcome SkinnyBee! Yes, I definitely relate to your story, as many of us will. <<<hugs>>>> Self medicating with food? That's me! Eating out of stress and boredom? YES, that's me! Eating because I feel bad about myself and am disgusted with myself and my weaknesses, YUP, I've done that. Yes, I get you.

My advice is #1, stop looking backwards, you can't change the past, and it only makes you feel bad to constantly judge yourself for past mistakes or behavior. And #2 don't worry about the future, either, and how long the journey is (because truthfully it never ends).

Focus on TODAY. Today you will be good to yourself. Today you will take care of yourself. Today you will be kind to yourself. Today you will LOVE yourself enough to do good things for yourself. If you make a mistake today (because there will be many mistakes along the way in this journey and in life in general) you will immediately put it behind you and make a good decision the very next moment.

You can do this, I look forward to hearing about your successes!
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Last edited by Mrs Snark : 09-11-2013 at 12:12 PM.
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Old 09-11-2013, 10:04 AM   #3
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Oh my gosh SkinnyBee78, you need to cut yourself some slack. You have a lot on your plate and you coped with it the best you can. So big hug, you've been through some serious battles.

All that extra weight isn't a sign of laziness, it's proof that you are a survivor who has seen unimaginable trouble and has survived! Let go of the past, we all have regrets but there's nothing we can do about that now. You (and I) need to focus on the future.

So my first suggestion is to love yourself. You are a strong person who deserves the best out of life.

Second, find a diet that works for you. There are a lot of options and people talk about just about all of them here.

Next I recommend amassing a collection of motivators that will keep the weight loss positive. Make some long and short term goals. Take your measurements. Make a scrapbook of the things that will inspire you to lose weight. Join some of the challenges here. You need a bunch of ways to keep going because sometimes the numbers on the scale won't be enough.

Finally, it sounds like you know that late night is a bad time for you. That's great that you know that because it will be easier to address. Devise a low calorie ritual that can take the place of the munchies and drinking. Maybe you listen to some special music, or pour some seltzer in a wine glass, or draw yourself a bubblebath.

Everyone here has wonderful ideas so keep coming back. I look forward to seeing you around!
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Old 09-11-2013, 10:14 AM   #4
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I can absolutely relate. Honey, we're not perfect. Being a mom and a supportive wife and a human is hard work. I have totally been there in the "I have to do something, but I don't even know what to do " mode. You can do it. One little change at a time.
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Old 09-11-2013, 10:41 AM   #5
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I am sending you hugs and lots of support.
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Old 09-11-2013, 12:01 PM   #6
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Instead of focusing on how long the journey is, focus on what you can do today. What you can accomplish this week. Where working hard all month will take you. And in a year, why you'll be so happy that you started now.

So many of us have been there. I faced a lot of personal issues several years back when I was already 100 pounds overweight, and guess what? I gained an additional 100 pounds in about a year! And I realized one day that it didn't matter how long it took, that things were not going to get better unless I made some changes. All I could do was learn from my mistakes and move forward, which is exactly what I've been doing ever since.

I've found what helps the most for me is finding a way to stay mindful of what I do every day, even how I eat every meal. And my way of doing that is keeping a food and fitness journal. I discovered that my demons fell into the background as I found something positive to focus on: my health and well-being.

So take a deep breath and do your best to find ways to cope without food. Take a walk, read a new book, go for a swim, take the kids to the park. There's so much more to life than what lies in the fridge or at the local drive-thru: make it your goal to discover new joys in the little things.

Good luck!
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Old 09-11-2013, 12:24 PM   #7
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Wow everyone...thank you so much for the supportive responses. I already feel WORLDS better just knowing I'm not alone.

I like hearing that I can do this not only one day at a time, but also one CHOICE at a time. If I make a mistake, I should practice forgiveness and immediately honor myself with a HEALTHY choice. And I agree that I need to gather ALL tools to motivate me. I made posters with my ten pound goals/rewards and posted them in my bathrooms, fridge and on my treadmill/elliptical. I have a binder I was keeping track of feelings/food, but I'm not sure if I should stick with that or try it online again. I might stick with the hard copy/binder method and just talk things out here.

Again, thanks soooo much for the support. Gonna do this!!!
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Old 09-11-2013, 01:20 PM   #8
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There are definitely some familiar things in your post. I think we all share at least a few of those concerns and challenges.

One thing that helps me sometimes is to basically sit myself down and be honest, that it will take work and time to get all the weight off. Then I leave the future alone for a while and just work week by week, day by day, or even hour by hour. I remind myself that I won't lose all the weight it 2 weeks (for some reason I subconsciously expect that and when it doesn't happen I feel like I failed and want to give up). Maybe make new additions or replacements in your routine (exercise, eating, etc.) and don't think about it, just do it (that helps me sometimes when I am not so into weight loss at the moment).

Good luck! And welcome!
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Old 09-11-2013, 06:06 PM   #9
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*massive hugs* you have and are going through a lot so you need to give yourself a lot of credit. As others have said there are definately a lot of people here that can relate to your story so I hope the advice and support here helps you.
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Old 09-11-2013, 11:19 PM   #10
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oh my gosh skinnybee78!!! Thank you for being open and honest - I too am an Aspie mom! My son was dxed with Asperger's, and I am convinced that my husband has it too. We could start a new forum just on my unhealthy coping mechanisms and stress related to loving, and living with, people w/asperger's. I feel so out of control most of the time - I feel so frustrated/lonely/exhausted because of the unique social-emotional challenges that my family goes through.

However, I am 100% accountable for my poor food choices. Dealing with Aspie stuff didn't make me fat, but my turning to fast food and drive-thru's to COPE with the Aspie stuff certainly did. I am so ready to take back control of my life. Even though I can't control Aspie meltdowns, neurological differences, social reciprocity issues, IEPs, etc etc, I CAN control what I put into my mouth.

Giving you LOTS and LOTS of support. HUGS
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Old 09-12-2013, 06:08 AM   #11
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Lianna: I do the same "magical thinking" thing...if I don't see the scale move in a week or two (and irrationally I'm expecting a pretty big scale movement), I lose hope. I think part of it is remembering how effortlessly I used to drop those vanity pounds when I was younger (sans kids). But, as you said, honesty is crucial. I didn't get here in two weeks (more like years) so it likely will take a similar timeframe to get out.

Mzshaunna: thanks for the kind words. I don't like to look at my situation as something I'm overcoming...but maybe I should allow myself a little more grace. The denial/tough exterior/perfectionism obviously isn't working!

Redonkulous: what is it about hearing from another aspie mom that immediately brings tears to my eyes and an immediate sigh of relief??? It's uncanny. Just knowing someone KNOWS what I'm dealing with is.......just....more important than I can express. So thank you thank you THANK YOU! I am so happy to know another aspie mommy is here!
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Old 09-12-2013, 06:09 AM   #12
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Oh, could someone tell me how to add info under my name? I'm not seeing where to put my sw/current/goal...sorry if I'm just missing it.
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Old 09-12-2013, 07:57 AM   #13
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SkinnyBee, In the purple bar at the top click on "User CP" which stands for User Control Panel. Then on the menu on the left click on "Edit Profile". Scroll down a bit and you'll see the place to add your weights.

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Last edited by Mrs Snark : 09-12-2013 at 07:57 AM.
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Old 09-12-2013, 04:29 PM   #14
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Thanks!
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