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Hello! Letting it all out and getting personal.

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Old 09-03-2013, 05:32 AM   #1
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Default Hello! Letting it all out and getting personal.

Hello! My name is Athena and I am 21 years old.

Short Intro:
I've been overweight since I was about 9 years old but got really bad when I entered high school. I was insecure and really anti-social so I stayed home either reading or writing. I've had arthritis for nearly three years, but have only had a diagnosis for almost 2 years. I've never been that healthy girl, but I've became even more inactive because of the constant pain. In just that first year I went from loosing 30 pounds to gaining double back. I went from 260 to 290 then to 307 in the last few months.


Backstory: Long, but I think worth it.*

This isn't going to be an easy introduction.

I know that I'm failing at life, I have no self esteem and also no will or motivation. I have severe trust and abandonment issues because of my childhood. Because of them I have social anxiety, no friends and I give up too easily. I don't want to do that anymore. I need to take control back.

In a way I feel like by letting myself get this heavy I was punishing myself for the people who didn't want me, for the things I've done, for the times I just couldn't stand up for myself. I hate myself. Physically, mentally, emotionally...I just don't like who I am. I did this to myself. Sure, people let me down and just didn't care about me, but It wasn't my fault. I was a kid I didn't know any better. I didn't have anyone to love me or tell me at the end of the day that it wasn't my fault. I wasn't ok. I was sad and lonely. Everyone was better than me. I was told that I wasn't going to grow up to be anything good and I believed that. My own family turned their backs on me and forgot that I even existed before I even hit middle school. They put labels on me and ignored every sign I put out that something was wrong. To this day they don't know any of the stuff I put myself through.

I built up walls and just forgot everything I wanted. I forgot what it meant to be happy. I lost control and stopped caring. I gave up because I knew I would never be good enough for them. I knew that my brother would always be smarter than me. That he would always be one step ahead of me. I knew that my mother would always choose her husband over me and that she loved my brother, but not me. I knew that no matter how many times my stepfather tells people that I'm his daughter that he'd always love his flesh and blood more. I know that no matter what my sister will always consider me crazy because I won't accept people putting me down, hurting me and telling lies about me. I won't accept people thinking that because I was a child that I shouldn't defend myself, that I should keep quiet and I won't accept people who don't protect their children.


I've done with them. I choose myself. I choose myself over them. I choose my health. I choose my health because they don't know what it's like to hate yourself.




I need serious weight loss buddies. I think I'd do better If I had someone pushing me and giving me accountability. I need someone that will be willing to talk daily if possible. I'm at rock bottom and I don't need to procrastinate anymore


*I completely broke down writing that tears and all. It was cathartic.

Last edited by Athena92 : 09-03-2013 at 01:53 PM.
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Old 09-03-2013, 07:37 AM   #2
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Aw no don't cry! Be happy and excited you want to make a change! A change that will only be for the good of yourself and your well being WELCOME!

This community is amazing and full of support, even on bad days just coming on here inspires me to stay on track and not lose sight of what we want. It will be hard and frustrating at times but I hope you can stick with us because this place is nothing but full of support. I suggest you go check out the 20-somethings forum
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Old 09-03-2013, 07:47 AM   #3
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Hi Athena,

Sorry to hear, that youre having such a tough time at your age.
But its good to stand up for yourself when you know you a are right.ou can Dont give up, you can be everything youre family dreams of being. Just st
ay strong on work hard. It will all be worth it.
Everyone has some period of time in life where its hard, and you just wanna give up. But give up to what? and for who? If you do that you will be the one hurt no one else. You can do this

There are alot of good people here, who really gives support.


I just started counting calories last week.
I dont know which weight loss program/diet/lifestyle you wanna choose.
Calorie counting makes the most sense to me
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Old 09-03-2013, 08:05 AM   #4
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Welcome Athena, you've come to the right place for support (in my opinion!)! There are great people here who will totally understand where you are coming from!

I have back and hip issues that cause chronic pain and so I can totally understand how debilitating it is to live in constant pain. I've been sloooooowly (and very, very gently) regaining my athleticism, but I can tell you that losing weight has done a world of good in helping me manage the pain so much better (and therefore manage my life and my happiness too!)

I wish you much peace and success and I hope you come here and check in often!
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Old 09-03-2013, 08:51 AM   #5
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Hi Athena! I am so glad you found us here. You are no longer alone. There are so many supportive people here and they want the best for you! There are so many forums to browse, some more active than others, so take a look around, and start posting in any of them that interest you. Some that might be of particular interest to you are the 20-Somethings under Support Groups, the 300+ Club under Support Groups, Chicks Up for a Challenge under Support Groups (I belong to the September Weight Loss Challenge thread and we are very chatty there.), the Dieting with Obstacles forum, and the Weight Loss Buddies thread under Support Groups: Weight Loss Buddies XI. You can do this and we will help you! Just take it one step at a time. Good luck!
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Current Attempt (Slow Carb Diet, started July 19, 2013) <> Previous Attempt (Calorie-Counting, 2009)

= 10 lbs lost; = 5 lbs lost:
MINI GOALS:
1. 196 lbs = "Overweight" BMI of 29.8 MET GOAL!!
2. 178 lbs = Lowest Weight in 13 years, BMI of 27.1 MET GOAL!!
3. 164 lbs = "Normal Weight" BMI of 24.9
4. 145 lbs = Goal Weight BMI of 22.0
MAINTENANCE GOAL:
Stay between 145 lbs and 155 lbs
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Old 09-03-2013, 10:25 AM   #6
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Athena!
I am so happy and proud of you for standing up for yourself and choosing to take care of yourself! You are one strong chicka!
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""When October 31, 2013 comes upon us, I will be so happy I have kept at it!!" I said this back in August 2013 and it became my mantra throughout the summer of 2013. When October 31st came around, I was, indeed, deeply grateful I had remained committed to losing weight. One year & 110 lbs + lost later, I remain grateful every day.

Reached onederland 31.12.2013!

Reached BMI of 29.7 (overweight class!) on July 29, 2014!
Making my way to 140 lbs! - 30.6 lbs to go!!!
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Old 09-03-2013, 01:58 PM   #7
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Thanks everyone! I'm hoping this community will become a great support to me and help me with my goals.
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Old 09-03-2013, 01:59 PM   #8
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Welcome!

Good for you! You will find a lot of support here.
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Old 09-06-2013, 10:56 AM   #9
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Hi Athena! I just read your post.

I am right here with you.

I had a very similar upbringing and I am here to tell you that things can get much better.

What helped me was to focus on the future and not on the past. I also concentrated on detaching myself emotionally from people who hurt me and building a life for myself that only has room for people who nurture and support me.

I truly admire you for your determination. My very best wishes go with you.
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Old 09-06-2013, 11:53 AM   #10
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"...I had a very similar upbringing and I am here to tell you that things can get much better."

Me too and yes things do get better. For me, I moved very far away, like doingmybest, built a life that only included people that were loving and peaceful and I got counseling when I was ready to deal with my family issues.

I'm with you, people that victimize or allow their children to be victimized deserve the lowest spot in h*ll, no excuses.

You have come to the right place. Perhaps a local support group may also be helpful to you because reading your post tells me that you are dealing with very heavy matters, no pun intended. I'm pulling for you.

Cathy
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Last edited by vintagecat : 09-06-2013 at 11:54 AM.
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Old 09-14-2013, 11:37 AM   #11
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Athena92,

I'm am very moved by your story, to the point of tears. Goodness

In a few days I will be here at the site long enough to get private messaging privilages, and I will send you my direct email, in hopes that you know that I am not only following your journey here at 3FC, but by email or even SNAIL MAIL if nessisary. You sound like an wonderful person, who needs friends to validate her, because you are worthy of caring and understanding.

Just to let you know, I'm not someone your age (in fact, I have a daughter who is) but I care because I AM a mother, and because I see and hear your hurt.

This site is something I think you will benefit from immensely... a group of folks who know about weight issues, rejection issues and so much more.

Worried for you,
MrsKevin

Last edited by MrsKevin : 09-14-2013 at 11:38 AM.
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Old 05-03-2014, 01:13 AM   #12
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So I kind of dropped off the face of the earth after only five posts...

Well I'm back and hopefully for good. I wanted to thank everyone who commented after I jumped ship. I really appreciate coming back and seeing the responses. Nothing has changed much since my first post besides that I am working on starting college. Hopefully I'll be starting this Fall.

I've gained about 10-15 pounds since joining and I'm completely devastated. I want to just smack myself silly. I am LETTING myself get worse and not doing anything about. No more excuses for me, no more tomorrows. I'm done. I don't know how many times I've said this, but this is the last time. I can't do this anymore. My body is at war with itself and I need to relieve the pressure.
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Old 05-03-2014, 01:50 AM   #13
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Hi Athena, I read your post and then the following one, and then realised the date and jumped to the end. Happy to see you got back here. I hope you will stick around a bit longer.

Whenever i read posts like yours, i always want to know how the person plans to go about it. If i can restrict myself to giving you one piece of advice, its this: don't restrict your calories/food so much that you are always trying to cope with hunger. A little bit of hunger is ok but not for too long. Learn ways to minimise the experience of hunger. And maybe consider taking a stabilising break every three months for a month during which time you still eat well but don't deliberately try to lose weight.

So i wish you all the best and hope you won't give up.
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Old 05-03-2014, 03:35 AM   #14
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Thank you Pattience. I'm going to be using MyFitnessPal to log my food and eat six small meals a day with some snacks in between. I'm thinking of this more as a life change instead of a diet so I'm not going to restrict myself. I am going to drop some unhealthy foods I eat way too much because I know they aren't going to be any help to my weight loss. I know my way around the kitchen so it shouldn't be hard to make healthier substitutes.

The three things I'm starting with are to:
Stop drinking Pepsi and drink more water.
Exercise at least an hour a day.
Cut off fried food and takeout.
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Old 05-03-2014, 04:46 AM   #15
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Thanks for sharing Athena.

If i can just point out that the standard view these days seems to be that weightloss should be thought of in terms of 80% diet and 20% exercise. I could say a lot more but i have a tendency to lecture so i'll stop at that.

Quitting the pepsi, fried foods and takeaways is a great idea.

I also recommend keeping a detailed food diary. I have noticed how my diet has improved a lot since i started. I think keeping a diary has helped me do that.
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