Hello everyone. My name is Michelle but I always call myself *FATGIRL* I do not use that name to describe my looks, although it would suite me right now. I know PLENTY of skinny fat girls. I use that name to describe my frame of mind. I am a fat girl. I LOVE food. I love all kinds of food. I love to cook. I love to bake. I love to try new food. I love to serve food and see the looks on people's faces when they take that first bite and their eye brows raise as their eyes close and they give that nod of approval. It assures me that I have done my part in making their day better, if not, but for that one blissful moment. I love the way food tastes, the texture, the look, the smell, the sound of it cooking. I LOVE FOOD!
I woke up a few days ago and started seriously thinking of my weight. Not because it is the new year and it is a resolution, but because I am at the highest weight I have ever been in my life and I have done nothing but get bigger. I have been through a lot in my life, as all of us has. There were a few things that have happened that I had noticed that caused me to gain more sudden weight. Like getting a car. For years I used the bus system. It was the right thing for me to do beings I could not afford insurance, gas, or a car payment at the time. Then I got a car. I stopped walking as much. I gained weight. Not enough for me to be alarmed but it was noticed. A few years later, I stopped smoking after smoking for 10+ years. I have not smoked for going on 4 years on 6/8/13 but have gained a good 50 lbs since(at least). The pic I took of myself the day I had my last smoke.
Food is a part of who I am. My family would gather just for food. My whole one side of the family is large. My fondest memories are with my grandmother in the kitchen, watching her cook, and bake, and playing Uno while we waited. Every holiday, we would get together, we would be happy, and we would EAT EAT EAT! We would get together most every Sunday and she would make hamburgers or chicken, fried or mashed potatoes, green beans or scalloped corn, beef or chicken and noodles, cottage cheese, spaghetti-o's, and a 'turkey leg'(schwan's drumsticks) and or what ever else she had made or bought that week. Food brought us together. Food defined our family as it does me now. This is why I am a *FATGIRL*.
I cannot do it any more. I used to say "I am just a fat girl. It does not bother me. I am going to eat what I like. It is my one guilty pleasure." Well, I cannot use that as an excuse to be lazy and not care anymore. I have become depressed and it shows. I do not do much of anything anymore. I KNOW there is more to life than sitting in my chair and cooking and baking. I also love photography and nature. I get upset at myself for not making it more of a part of my life anymore. My job has decreased my hours because they are not doing well and this has allowed me to do less and less. I hate to clothes shop. I hate pictures of me being taken. My mom got a butt chewing for taking pictures of me at Christmas.
I WILL change all this. I am starting to hate myself. I will try to get the bf more involved in this life altering decision I have made. I do not have a plan of action. I just know that to start, I have to get a support system and get off my big old booty and start moving. My goal is to loose at least 100 pounds. I can no longer be the fat girl I have been my whole life. There will be no more excuses.
No longer an excuse
