Hi everyone!
For a few days now, I have been reading the stories, looking at pictures, and being inspired by every single post. Today I decided to sign up, and I realized I had already signed up once - exactly a year ago, to the day (and had completely forgotten about it). And since during this year I have done nothing but gain a few pounds, I have decided this time is going to be different, even though I had said this many times. I know this is true because.. well, to understand, you have to hear my story.
I have never been fat.. more like chubby, really. And my D-cups along with a hint of a waist at any weight has always helped mask the extra pounds. In high school, I was in the 140s.. in the 150s in college, and now 2 years out, I weighed myself and I was at 164.2. My clothes feel tighter and I feel... awful.
I don't drink soda, eat chips, or love sweets. I can (and do), however, easily put away a bottle of dry red wine without feeling almost any effects. I love my red wine, and this comes from loving a country I lived in, where it is drunk like water
I also like cheese (gourmet, none of this orange Kraft stuff) and fresh bread.. which I have consumed at all hours of the day without considering how it adds up.
So... why do I want to lose weight? Recently I went on one of my bi-annual vacations to my country of choice. I've noticed that in America, it is much more acceptable to be overweight than if you are in Europe. "Okay" here is "fat" there. I've been called fat to my face by random a-holes while crossing the street (at 140 lbs). And while I admire that Americans tend to be so much more accepting and understanding, I also love the no-BS attitude of the Europeans.
When I went out with friends, I felt self-conscious there, which I have never felt before (I am an extremely confident person and am secure in myself). A particular love interest I have there, during an intimate evening alone, casually mentioned that I should lose 20 lbs. He would never kiss or touch me in public either, which I know was a result of this. Now, as all of my friends said, "what an piece of ***! forget him immediately!" -- I disagree. I myself am brutally honest, and would have been more offended if he had said "aww you're perfect!" with a fake smile on his face an an eye on a girl in a bikini on TV. I have met lots of men... one relationship of 3 months ended and as a result I was depressed for 3 years (during 1.5 of which, I had had a 'perfect' boyfriend to try and forget my ex.. nothing worked. I thought of my ex when I was with my bf). 3 years... and ~40 hours with this person made it go away just like that. You can bet that I am not letting this possibility, this hope, by the wayside.
I am not doing this for him (we're not together anyway! not even on the same continent), or for my family (with their "you look so hungry eat something here!" and "oh you're eating again? look at you!!!"), or to prove or show anything to anyone. *I* want to feel sexy alone in my house, when I touch my stomach and feel skin, and know that I am working towards my perfection. Everyone should, in my opinion, work towards perfection (you will never get there... but you will still be highly successful!). I want to try a life that I have never had before - the life of a truly thin person with a fantastic body. I am 22... better now than before my youth is over!
My goal is 120, the maximum amount of time I have is before April. Once I get down to 120, I will work on getting to a smaller number and finishing everything off. I don't remember when I weighed 120 last (9th grade?).
I've worked out every day this week, and my diet is going great (calorie counting, but no frozen meals or artificial stuff. greek yogurt, salads, veggie burger patties (ok yes, they are frozen..
and etcetera).
If you read this far, thank you and I'm glad to meet you! I am kind of a polarizing person (love me or hate me) so I understand if I'm not everyone's cup of tea
Best of luck to everyone and any support you can offer will always be treasured.
larussa
Time to **** or get off the pot!
