I'm usually pretty good at putting things into words. I seriously deleted this subject more than 5 times. I think it's because I've done this before. Gone to an online support venue and thought that was the magic ticket. I write my short, canned, introduction and then don't log in for days, weeks or worse, forget I even joined.
I wanted this to be different. I'm not going to get totally into my sob story. The truth is, I let myself get fat. I saw it coming one pancake and glass of Ovaltine at a time. I can blame it on a high risk pregnancy or the subsequent 10 weeks of strict bed rest but the real truth is that I could have taken responsibility for my choices and not blamed all 48 pounds on "swelling."
My son was thankfully born healthy and has no ill effects of his early delivery but I am pretty much living in a bread dough suit that I artfully crafted with boredom and syrup. This week he is 6 months old. People have stopped saying, "Don't worry about the weight, you
justhad a baby."
So, here it is... I said I wasn't going to go into the sob story but I'll give you all a little background...
I have struggled to maintain a certain level of thinness my whole adult life. My mother is a recovered bulimic but the effects of her actions have made quite an impression on me. I have never been diagnosed with an eating disorder but I honestly believe I have suffered my share of disordered eating. I have been on every diet known to man and the sad thing is I've never been where I am. I have spent all my time in the beautiful body hating it and now I know no matter how thin I get I will never have that lovely body again.
I bounced from 145 to 130 from 18 to 21. I then settled out at around 140. I gained up to around 160 during a nasty divorce and 2 miscarriages at 22. I had terrible morning sickness with my last pg and found that I lost weight from it. When I lost the baby I just kept purging. That year I was able to starve myself down to a new low of 125. Of course I couldn't maintain that level of thin on starvation and secret purging so I climbed back to my set point of 140. I was able to maintain that weight for about a year and then I changed from an active job to a desk job working for my husband. I munched my way to 170 quite quickly. At that point I remember thinking that I had never been this "fat" and couldn't remain so. But, nothing came of those thoughts. I just couldn't fit exercise into my new lifestyle and I remained heavy and stagnant.
Last year I became pregnant after over a year and a half struggle with infertility. The stress of trying had led me to 180 without me realizing it. At that point I had started boot camp type training and running. Because it took so long to get pg and there were some other physical factors my doctor took me off all activity. I could lift no more than 5 pounds and was not aloud to get my HR above 140bpm. I have SVT so that was pretty much impossible with physical activity.
I was able to gain weight healthily during my pregnancy until week 27 (lost 5 to begin with and then gained 10). I was then put in the hospital and on several meds to keep my little boy in his oven cookin'. By the time I had him, at week 37, I was up to 228. I ended up losing 20 pounds immediately because I was so swollen from Pre-E but breastfeeding kept me ravenously hungry and I added 10 of those back.
I am currently down 15 pounds from my start weight of 218. That's what I weighed when my son refused to nurse anymore. I tried the paleo diet with my husband for a while but stalled out and then gained. I have had the most success in my dieting career with SBD but I can't fit all those mini meals into my life right now.
I'm a SAHM and my son is very busy and needs constant attention. I have been lurking on the IF thread and have spent a few days researching and reading the Fast-5 book. I think that's the path for me. Not just for now, but for life.
I'm hoping this intro isn't too long and that the people that will give me the most support are still reading
.
I am up for challanges involving walking, running, 30 shred, wii fit, plain 'ole floor exercise, calorie counting, and pretty much anything that will help me stay motivated and connected to other people with the same goals.
My main motivation right now is my son. I can't keep up with him in this body and he's not even that mobile yet. My husband and I have decided that we won't start trying for baby two until I meet my health and wellness goals. Since we want many children it's super important for me to figure out how to work with this new post-baby body in a healthy way.
Thanks for your patience and time and hopefully future support
re-wrote this title 5 times. New mom looking for support, 65-75lbs to lose.
