New Chick!
Hi everyone!
My name is Joanne. I've struggled with my weight since I was a little kid. I think most of my weight gain has been partly psychological. When I was little, my family didn't have much money, so we didn't get to eat the great food that others ate. I mean, we'd drink powdered milk. My stepdad would also allow me to eat breakfast, but I'd have to wait for dinner. I wasn't allowed to snack and rarely had lunch. After him and my mother divorced, we had junk food in the house. I began to eat more than I needed. If I was inside trying to relax, I'd grab something to eat even if I wasn't hungry. Then, as I grew up and got my own place, I bought any food I enjoyed and made sure my pantry was always stocked with junk food. I think it's because, in my head, when I was younger, I wasn't allowed to eat whatever I wanted. I was basically told that I couldn't eat until certain times. Now that I was on my own, now I could!
Then, the guy I was with at the time just didn't work out for me. He kept telling me that we had to work out and reminded me how I had to lose weight. He'd look at me in disgust sometimes and poke at my spare tire. He didn't make me feel good about myself. So, I ended up going out to clubs with my friends. I got into alcohol, but would dance the night away for hours until closing time. I went from 195 pounds to 175 pounds. Then, I officially left that guy.
Almost two years ago, I met my current beau who loves me for me. I even point out my shortcomings and talk to him about my weight. Regardless of what I say, he still says he finds me attractive as I am and if I want to lose weight, he wants me to lose it for me. I've asked him loaded questions, such as, "Would you find me more attractive if I lost weight?" He will never give me a straight answer, which leads me to believe that he would but he's being a good guy and trying to not hurt my feelings because he loves me so much.
My reasons for wanting to jump on the bandwagon and lose weight is because I've finally had it. I'm not happy about what my body looks like when I look in the mirror. I'm tired of not being able to shop in clothing stores that sell "hot clothing" that all the skinny girls get to wear. I'm tired of being the fat friend. I don't like when I look at my reflection in a window, I'm the largest in my family. I don't like the stares I get sometimes. It's sad how I have to struggle to paint my toenails myself because of my belly. I just am tired of being held back from things I want to have and things I want to do because of my weight. I want to become one of those girls who can fit into sexy clothing. It'd be nice to once in my life, be able to wear a swimsuit and not feel self conscious about what everyone else around me is thinking about seeing me at the pool. I want to finally be able to get back at the childhood friend of my brother's who always would make fat jokes about me and strut my stuff in my improved body.
Even though my boyfriend loves me for me, I know he'd feel better being seen next to a more sexy me.
I'm ready for my transformation. It starts today.
Last edited by VampyMuseGirl; 02-12-2011 at 10:35 PM.
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