[ObesePhoenix]

Not really sure where to start, but I have to admit I’ve been gawking your site for some time. I’ve found some really good information and others I’m just not sure about. What I do know is I want to make a change, and I’m ready for that change – I’m scared, not sure where to start or what to do. I’m definitely tired of spending my hard earned money on bogus products that never work!

I’ve been over weight since I was in my early teens, mainly due having diabetes that was overlooked and also a condition called polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). By the time I had my first child (who is Bipolar, ODD, ADD and ADHD) at 19, I was already over 150 lbs and it just kept escalating – come my second child I was close to 200 lbs. 20 years later after two failed marriages of domestic abuse I’m teetering very close to 300 lbs!

I’ve found every excuse in the book of why I struggle so much with my weight and can’t explain why no matter what I do I can never lose the weight – try to discuss this with the doctor’s and its all blamed on me, “it’s the food you eat and how much, exercise more, eat less, stop smoking, etc”. I was so tired of hearing it I pretty much shut myself out.

Like every other person, single mom raising two children trying to squeeze the meals and exercising in always resulted w/ a fat failure. I couldn’t motivate myself, and the few times I could I just couldn’t get into a routine. The gym is not for me, I find it disgusting feeling I have to compete with the 110 lbs person next to me who obviously is only there to flirt with the men.

This is probably a rambling letter and it’s not in depth even though I know it’s ending up lengthier then what anyone here really would like to read, but I can only stay is that I’m at the point in my life to where I need to just reach out and be around people that are like me – trying to lose the weight, struggling to lose it, needing the support and friendship, etc.

When I left my husband September 2008, I dropped 25 lbs in bout 2 – 3 wks (probably due to the stress). I maintained and kept that weight off for months up until my best friend from NYC came out to visit me in June/July 2009 – The strangest thing transpired while she was here. Suddenly my legs from my knees down swelled up like I was pregnant, and I packed on 30 lbs before she left 1 month later!!! This discouraged me to extremes, I couldn’t understand how or why.

I became enraged with myself, and hated myself – went to my doctor and told him I wanted to have the Gastric bypass surgery. Naturally he talked me out of it and explaining to me how hard it would be to get my insurance to approve it and how I would have to go see a shrink and all this other stuff I would have to comply to – just made matters worse.

Recently, my close friend (no companion, who lives in England) has been talking about coming to the states for a visit on holiday, I panicked! He wants to take me on a month’s cross country trip. I won’t go into our relationship, it is very complicated and most would probably think I’m insane (which who knows maybe I am), but I can attest that he’s been by my side thick and thin, through all the good and horrible times and through the last 4 years of **** my lives been in. If it was any other man that I was with in the past he would have ran for the hills by now; but not him! He’s still here/there with and for me.

Anyways, I want to lose the weight – to be 110 lbs again (I’m only 5 ft). He’s seen photos of me, but by looking at them NO one can ever guess my weight they always seem to think I’m only around 175 lbs when I’m closer to 300! I don’t want to be this way, and especially I don’t want my companion to see me this way.
I became desperate and tried about anything. I ordered stuff to detox, full bar, slim quick, ally and even ACAI berry; ordered a ton of books. Even tries HCG with no huge success, I mean I didn’t lose nor gain weight, but I noticed my body changing/shrinking in certain areas. I was driving myself literally crazy but I made myself hate my body, and who I am. I went back to my doctor and told him to forget about the surgery that I just didn’t care anymore. He suggested going on Phentermine Hydrochloride for 80 days to see if it helped, but he said after the 90 days I would have to stop taking the medication. This discouraged me, but I took the prescription anyways.

I set forth to the market and figured I had to change my eating so I changed my shopping. Walked the isles multiple times and ended up grabbing: Old fashion Oatmeal, 2% milk, and a **** load of those frozen entrées – like smart ones, lean cuisine, etc.

Well I have to admit I think I starved myself, but it wasn’t so bad after the first 3 – 5 days, it really wasn’t. I found I wasn’t hording food (what I call eating like a 10 helpings – dramatized). And over the first month of being on the medication I learned signs that my body did and I wasn’t always able to stop those, but I became aware of them, and caught myself in the middle of it and stopped. Things like, during the day I had this obsession that I had to put anything in my mouth – I didn’t care what it was but it had to be food!

I didn’t catch on to this things instantly, mind you, I noticed them over time. There was also a few times I grabbed snacks or sweet not even consciously realizing it and stuffing my face – I would catch myself sometimes in the middle and other times too late. Other times I would notice myself standing at the frig with the door open, not really hungry, but I had no clue what I was looking for either, but my mind knew I had to have something.

Never regret going on Phentermine, and I wish I was still on it, but it made my mind aware of things, and starting allowing my mind and stomach to communicate with one another again. Since, I’ve been on the Phentermine I dropped from 305 lbs to 268 lbs! I was excited and happy, but most of all I started to care for me again. Even though I didn’t see a difference, I noticed the difference with my clothes and my BRAs mainly. :P

It’s been bout 2 weeks since I’ve been off the Phentermine and I was at the doctors for clearance on my pre-op, I packed on another 10 lbs!! I wanted to cry and literally did on my drive home. I don’t know what happened, well I didn’t at the time. I was hurt and disgusted with myself for being a failure, and most of all I never wanted the man I loved to travel half way around the world to an ugly fat cow!

I caused it though, it took over a week but I realized consciously what I – ME – was doing wrong. I’ve been out and about a lot lately, so even though I was parking further away to walk further, or circling the stores in power walks while shopping, or parking on the 5th floor, hiking it and taking the stairs down instead of on the 3rd floor and using the elevator – I was eating a ton of fast foods again! Extra Large Mocha Iced Coffee, whopper jr no mayo on the go please. Sure a diet coke and whopper jr would have been better, but I was allowing myself unconsciously to drift back into all those weight packing evil foods society makes us want to eat.

Also I stopped eating the frozen entrées for lunch and dinner and instead of eating chopped celery and carrots when I felt I had to stuff something in my mouth I ate hand full’s of honey roasted peanuts.

I really don’t know what I’m saying here, and I know I’m venting and babbling at my own learns and failures. I’ve just isolated myself for so long and felt horrid about myself that I just need, no I’m reaching out for the support, friendship, loyalty, cheers, etc I need from all of you.

Currently, I live in Phoenix, Arizona and I would love to meet someone locally to support one another, get into a routine to work together in our goals and make friendships.

Thank you for listening to my cries.
Overweight in Phoenix

[Dulce Vida]

Hi sweetie, I'm new here too. I'm sure many here, including me, can attest to feeling similar to the way you are feeling right now--it's completely understandable. It's a cliche to say this, but every day is a chance for a new beginning. You CAN do this. We all can. I love the song by Aaliyah, that goes "If it at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again.." It is absolutely true.

[mtloser]

I think alot of us can relate to your struggles. Everyday is a new start.
Welcome

[leeway]

Hi Phoenix!
There are so many here that can relate to your story and your feelings having been there (or are there now). Failure is something that happens - everyone has failed at something, many times perhaps, but it is not who or what we are. The past doesn't determine your future - what you decide to do today will - everything else is over and done. So give yourself the tomorrow you want and deserve - we'll all be here to cheer you on.

Glad to have you join us! There are lots & lots of different groups and forums - I'm sure you'll find some that will keep you motivated, inspired and entertained! There's also info and first hand advice that may help get you through the ups and downs.

There are bunches of people here with more to lose and some with less - the bottom line is that we all have to do it a day at a time. The good thing is that we'll have lots of company along the way.

I've only been here a few months myself, having NEVER been part of an online forum. What has been so eye-opening is how much it has helped me. Whenever I feel overwhelmed or defeated, I just log on and read some of the success stories, complete with their before & after photos - or read about others still dealing day to day with their challenges - and before I know it, the time has flown by and so have all the thoughts of cheating or giving up.

So welcome - you 've found the right place - join in by inspiring us and being inspired!

[BrittniMarie]

Hey!!! I'm not in AZ (though kinda close, UT) and there are a lot of people here that can help support you! I am a young mom (20) and I was 202lbs BEFORE I got pregnant... gah right before I had my daughter I was 238lbs I was mortified... I lost some weight after the pregnancy then put a lot of it right back on. My husband and I were at a friend's house and were having a little party get together and we wanted to play the Wii video game and had a exercise game on there. In order to do that I had to stand on this scale and it said my weight to EVERYONE there... "228lbs" I wanted to curl up and DIE!!! I am a full time student and so is my husband and so I don't have time to go to a gym with a baby and homework and everything and I really didn't have time to eat healthy... What has saved my life are workout videos! I have these videos that have 10 min workouts... On days when I'm super busy and stressed I can just do 1 and it is better than nothing. So far in 2 months I have lost 20lbs and if it wasnt for this forum I would have given up a long time ago! I really hope you can find support and strength on here and there are groups for about everyone (even Diabetes and PCOS which you mentioned). Good luck and Welcome!

[k8t]

Hello Pheonix,
I think I shall just shorten your screen name to Pheonix. A pheonix rises from the ashes to start again, renewed. That is a powerful image.

Many people on this site can understand your pain. You have come to the right place. I have come to the personal conclusion that diets do not work for me. They are simply one more tool I use to sabatoge myself emotionally when I am feeling like kicking myself.

I am uncomfortable sharing this yet, but I so identify with your post that I feel I must. I am an emotional eater, and my weight has yo-yo'ed constantly. One step forward, two steps back. I've come to realize that the food isn't my problem. Misinterpreting my emotions and eating to compensate is. I believe I also suffer from PCOS, which is a real "catch 22". It makes it harder to lose weight, and the weight in turn makes it worse.

I would like to suggest a book, "Eating in the Light of the Moon" which you may find helpful on your journey of self-discovery. It has helped me a lot in getting to the place where I can identify what my underlying problems really are.

Given what you have said about your oldest child, another book I am finding useful is "Potatoes, Not Prozac" which deals with the impact sugar sensitivities can have on our bodies - which is a genetic problem, not a problem with lack of self-control. There is also a website for this by the author, so you do not need to purchase the book to see if it may apply to you, too. (radiant recovery)

I do not know you personally, but I can tell you this regardless. You are unique and irreplaceable. There is no other like you on the entire face of the planet. This is true right down to your DNA. It doesn't really matter what your weight is...you have intrinsic value just from that fact. God bless and welcome.

[Clarebee]

Hi Phoneix,
If you can put your heart, mind and soul into what you want to acheive, you will get there.
It gets harder before it gets easier.

Goodluck on your journey.
Clare x

[starfishkitty]

Okay.

I RARELY read intros from people... but for some reason I clicked on yours and I TOTALLY feel you on so many things. Even to the "friend" from abroad.... I'm finally meeting mine (after 4 years of best friendship and the past year of more) in 1 1/2 months... I'm terrified... but elated... because even if it's not good enough for him (which he swears it is)... I've lost nearly 50lbs since we first became friends. And that was in the past six months. And I feel so incredibly much healthier its NOT even funny!!! I feel truly amazing! In fact, I just fit into my favorite pair of jeans today... my skinny jeans! Which I haven't worn since I was 20!

I started by joinging Nutrisystem, and though I had doubts... and the food was crappy... it taught me SO MUCH. I had no idea what size portions were, how many portions you should have a day of each thing, etc etc. I also began doing my own research (much of it on this site!) and added to it calorie counting and now I'm on my own doing it without NS... just quit this week actually. And although I'm nervous... I know I'd been slowly drifting away from it the past few months anyways.... so I know I can do it.

Though I'm FAR from the most knowledgeable on this site.... here's the tips that I can think of off the top of my head, based on what I've done:

1) Calorie count. You may not need to do it forever... but at least do it at the beginning. 1a) Buy a calorie book! Calorie King (or calorieking.com) has a great one

2) Buy a food scale. Once again, you may not need to use it forever, once you get used to sizes of basic stuff, but it will be your best friend at the beginning! Also, measuring spoons and cups! Measure measure measure until you memorize!

3) What I've found works for me in a day is this: 6 protein or dairy servings, 4 carb servings, 4 to 5 veg servings, 2 to 3 fruit servings, and 3 fat servings. Tweak this to see what works for YOU! This roughly places me between 1500 to 1800 calories a day. Typically, a serving size of veggies is 1 cup raw, 1/2c cooked. Meat, 1 oz. Fruit, a medium sized fruit. A carb serving is roughly 24g.

4) Read food labels! They will tell you the size of a serving and how many cals, carbs, proteins, etc!

5) Start investing in spices, cal free cooking spray, light butter (Can't Believe It's Not Butter or Smart Balance work great!), 100% Whole Wheat breads (there are TONS out there that are only like 35 to 40 cals a slice now!) and pitas, and low cal drinks (diet pop or Crystal Light are the bomb!)... and I can go on! Oh yeah, and when you can... use olive oil! Way better for ya.

6) 8 glasses (or more) of water a day!

7) Start a food journal. I know it sounds cheesy, but writing down everything you eat holds you accountable. I not only write down everything I eat, but I also write down the calories with each item and total it at the end of the day.

8) Figure out your BMR, BMI, and the amount of calories a day you need to start losing roughly a pound a week. Anything faster than that isn't TOO healthy for you (though at the beginning you start this, you might loose in big whooshes... I lost 12lbs my first month eating this way!) The online calculators I use to find these are at this website: http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator/

9) Allow yourself a cheater day. At the beginning, I did it once a week... but now that I've lost this much I typically do it every other week because the weight doesn't come off as fast or easy. Not to mention I don't get the cravings as much. On that day, pick one meal to just eat what you want (don't go nuts and hit up the buffet for 8 heaping plates, but eat until you're satisfied and feel content that you got it out of your system for the week!).... use it to go out with your friends, or grab that Taco Bell you'd been craving all week long but avoided. I found that typically the little set back you got from that week wasn't as bad as the tons of tiny set backs you get all week long eating little bites of things you just shouldn't because you are mentally resentful for not allowing yourself to eat ANYTHING you want/crave.

10) Stay strong and don't get discouraged! Just because you have to change the way you eat... DOESN'T mean you have to eat crap for the rest of your life. As you go, you'll start learning healthier ways to cook, more inventive ways. You've got a computer... start researching healthy cooking websites and cookbooks.... you'll find tons! Even here on 3FC we have a couple of threads with tons of recipes other chicks have put up... I've used several!

11) And, finally... QUIT MAKING EXCUSES! Just do it. It may seem hard... but it's really not as hard as you may think. Some days are harder than other... but in the end, it is SO WORTH IT.

Okay, well, I think that's it for now.... sorry if this came off as pushy.... but man, I just know how you feel. And deep down inside, I think I despaired that I'd ever be able to lose the weight... and I have... and I will continue doing so! And if I can... you can. Feel free to PM me any time....

[Onederchic]

Hi and welcome to 3FC. Good luck with your goals.

Hugs
Michelle