[gabbygryphon]

Hi My Fellow Partners In Crime ~

Let me introduce myself. I'm Catherine, a single Mom of 2 children with 1 1/2 disabilities (as I like to say) 44ish and am making another attempt on this endless journey of weight loss and fitness. My son is near 16 with full blown autism. My daughter is 9, and on the high functioning end of the autistic spectrum.

I have been heavy near most of my life with the exception of a couple of years... a couple of years ago.

Right now I'm in the low 220s. I am shooting for 150ish. I'm 5'5 and always thought I had a large frame until I lost weight a few years ago, and I discovered my frame wasn't very large at all!

All my life, I tried losing weight, only to gain it back and then some as most of us seem to do. In spring of 2005, our family went through a very traumatic experience in that I discovered my very young daughter had been being sexually molested my the babysitters husband. (Yes... he was put behind bars)
During that time, I couldn't eat -- everytime I tried, it came right back up. I had heard of people going through this when they were in a serious state of depression, but this was the 1st time I experienced it first hand. In an average day, I was able to keep down one container of yogurt (slowly, a spoonful at a time) and a can of ensure... because I knew I had to try to eat SOMETHING.

By summers end, I went from around 225 to 150ish - but what a way to lose weight. Very very unhealthy. In one way, I felt incredible. I never knew I could look that good. I actually felt pretty for the first time in my life. In another, emotionally, I was lost.
After a lot of therapy for both my daughter and myself... life started to get better -- and I started to eat.

A year later, I was at 170. We moved Labor Day weekend 2006, an hour and a half away to escape the feelings that the familiar places were bringing and that's when life started to have some normalcy. Since then, my weight shot right back up to where it was.

Interestingly enough, as life would play out, I met the man of my dreams while I was around 200 and he fell in love with the person inside and could care less what I look like. He adores my kids and if the deadbeat ex would allow it (which he won't), my partner Andrew would adopt them both in a heartbeat! He proposed this past Valentines day and we're going to have a Sin-City Valentines Day wedding, 2009 (to follow in my parents footsteps who have been married 55 yrs this past Feb. 14th).
I already have my dress and purposely had it made one inch smaller in every area hoping this would give me incentive to get serious once again and drop a few pounds!
My BFF Karin asked me last month if I wanted to go to the gym with her as her guest. At first, I was TERRIFIED! The thought of a fitness gym was equivelent to... gee... maybe freakin' _ELL!!!? But... I agreed to go once, for her. When we got there, she surprised me with a gift of a years membership on her! She says it's more so I would get her off of her _ _ _ and actually USE her membership! Regardless of the reason... I was shocked of many things. 1st of all, everyone DIDN'T stare at me like I thought they would. Secondly, I wasn't the biggest woman in there! Third: Most everyone there was really supportive and actually NICE! And last.... and most surprisingly: I HAD A BALL! Who knew sweating (alright, with the one exception of hot sex!) could be so much darn fun!? I go atleast 4 days a week now, which is all the time I CAN go. If I could find the extra time to go more often, I have no doubt I would!
I discovered that the weight machines are really fun to use... ok when I keep them between 20 and 30 pounds Riding the bikes for a half an hour is a breeze when you get lost in what's on tv and feeling my body becoming strong and healthy - for the first time in my life is pure motivation to not eat crap and mess up what I worked so hard for! (Figuratively speaking, of course!)

So... I'm on my way. I can now zip up my wedding dress. The sleeves still cut off all circulation... and I can't actually BREATHE in it yet but hey... I can ZIP IT UP.

And best of all.... I found a great website with what I hope is a lot of motivation to keep on truckin'!!!

I look forwward to meeting new friends & sharing my journey with y'all!

All the best to you(s)!
Catherine

[JustBarbi]

Hi Catherine, Im Barbi. Im so sorry to hear about your daughter, but very happy to hear about your romance. Thats AWESOME! I too am in Arizona. NW Phoenix/Glendale. Hope to see you around the boards!

[gabbygryphon]

Hi "Barbi from the Valley". Thank You for the kind words and it's nice to see someone from my home state! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, girl!
Lived in Tucson for 11 years and am now in Cochise Co. I try to keep focus on the positives and am thrilled that it's usually 5 to 10 degrees cooler than Tucson and atleast 15 degrees cooler than... well, the asphault jungle! I used to say how disappointed I was that we don't have an Olive Garden here... and now, I'm saying "Oh Yeah, Thank God we don't have an Olive Garden here!"
You said you're from Phx/Glendale but hopefully not for too much longer? Where abouts do you plan to head to, if you don't mind me asking.
I read your profile and although I have never been through the experience that you did at the radiology ctr. (I did get to have my beautiful little boobies squished like a watermelon under a rubber mallet heave-ho'd by Gallagher!) I can certainly empathize with the embarrassment you must have felt. All of us have felt that kind of feeling at one time or another.
Chin up Sweetie. You'll get there.... and when you're beautiful ta-ta's get vice-gripped by a couple of lucite plates, you'll think back to how wonderful ignorance used to feel! (lol)
Your newest little Sonoran Desert Buddy,
Catherine

[JustBarbi]

We are looking into the Oregon coast or San Diego! As you said the "asphalt jungle" is much too hot and I am just tired of it. Its hard because my whole family is here but its tie to try somethnig different. i grew up here and really havent lived anywhere else. Its an exciting thought but scary at the same time!

Im damn determined to get into the MRI machine! LOL i can laugh about it now but it was mortifying.....

Anyway, feel free to PM me when yo get to the 10 posts needed! LOL have a good one and thanks for the encouragement!

[Newshinyme]

Welcome Catherine,
I am sorry to hear about your daughter, I can't even begin to imagine what that's like as a mother (I don't have kids myself yet).
You sound like a very brave, smart and determined woman so I think you can do what you've set your mind to and I am sure you will look gorgeous on your wedding day.
I am pretty new here too, but like you, I am determined to make this work this time (somehow it feels different - new attitude I guess). So let's do it together!

[andreaphilip3]

i just wanted to say how sorry i am for you&your little girl that you had to deal with that. thats aweful!

congrats to you and andrew! hold on to hm b/c they are hard to find!

finally----good luck on your journey!

[suenami]

Hi Catherine! So glad you are here!

I too have special needs kids, maybe you and I can start our own forum here It seems to bring challenges all its own, doesn't it!

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials, your partner sounds just wonderful!

[CountingDown]

Congrats on your engagement! Prayers for you and your daughter. And - congrats again on finding 3FC. This is an awesome place and you WILL find the support you need to look absolutely fantastic on your wedding day!