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Gastric bypass failed me

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Old 02-05-2008, 12:55 AM   #1
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Default Gastric bypass failed me

Yes embarrassingly enough. Gastric bypass failed me. It's so humuliating. I am such a failure. And now my arthritis is worse plus I was diagnosed with phybro. I am in alot of pain. But I want to so badly go on the tredmill. I do. I really do. But buy the time I am done doing the house work-forget it. I wish I had a friend to cheer me on. My husband is no help. He has ignored me for years now. He never wanted to be stuck with a fat wife. That's why he married a skinny girl. Yeah. I was once skinny. But I was sick the whole nine months with both babys.Yeah 13 yEARS AGO. so that's no exuse any more! Now it's just the aches and pains. I would totally go through the gastric by pass or the lap band procedure again though. After watching oprah today. I am totally sickened by my weight. And nobody ever talks about the people that this surgery does not work for.!! And yes I have run into people that have also failed on the surgery. but of course more people are shocked when I tell them I got the surgery and it failed me-or I just Failed AGAIN. at one more diet treatment. I hate being fat! I wish someone would just wave a wand and it would be gone!
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Old 02-05-2008, 01:28 AM   #2
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I just wanted to say that I'm sorry to hear that the surgery didn't work for you. I have heard of many people that it didn't work for them. I saw the episode of Oprah today. Did you get any counceling after the surgery. I've heard that some people have to do that because that need or want to eat, for emotional eating and such is there. Don't look at it as a failure, maybe just another try at it. I have spent the past 3 years working at weightloss. I've tried not to look at it as weight loss really though. I like to think of it as getting healthy. I may have lost 35 pounds in the first year and then put 15 back on in the second year and manage to mostly stay at that weight in the third year. I have changed my eating and it took the 3 years to do that. I have almost completely changed it to the point that I don't even think about eating the unhealthy stuff and when I do it's only the once and then right back on track. I have now started adding in lots of exercise. I've got a treadmill and strength trainer. Maybe you should just take it really slowly. How ever slow you have to do it. I still get very frustrated, but I know that I'm working on it and it is a hard, hard thing to do. I have been looking for someone to be health buddies with. Was hoping for someone to maybe be an email buddy, you know talk to about the struggles, maybe be accountable to for keeping on track. Something more than just the message board here. Any interest? I would like to give support and get support that way. I've had moments where I've wanted to just give up and say forget it, but I try to drag on. I have a little over a hundred pounds to lose, so I've got a ways to go. Anyway, just wanted to say hello.
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Old 02-05-2008, 01:29 AM   #3
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Gosh, I'm so sorry....I can truly hear your pain. All I can say is that this is a great place to be for support and that for me, it's been the little changes that have brought me the best results. I started small with what I could handle and have gradually progressed from there. What small change can you make today to put you on the path to the future you want for yourself and your family?
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Old 02-05-2008, 02:07 AM   #4
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Old 02-05-2008, 05:31 AM   #5
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You might like to check out the "Weight loss surgery" section of this forum - I think there is a thread about weight loss surgery not working for other folks there.

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/weight-loss-surgery-78/


Also, "The dieting with obstacles" section of this forum is fantastic. Check it out:
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/dieting-obstacles-14/
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Old 02-05-2008, 07:16 AM   #6
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First off, , flipflopfloosy!

There are actually plenty of people who gastric bypass didn't work for. It's an unfortunate but little-known fact. That does not make you failure; don't be so down on yourself I know that is much easier said than done, especially when it seems that you have no support system, but that is what we're here for.

Your husband sounds like he is being a jerk. If he does not want a "FAT" wife, then shouldn't he be more supportive of your efforts to lose weight, so that you can be that "pretty" thin girl again? The reason I put "pretty" in quotations is because, in my mind, weight does not have much to do with being pretty (now, don't get me wrong, I had incredibly low self esteem at my HW, but I don't think weight influences a woman's beauty that much other than my own)... it does, however, help contribute to good health.

here's a BIG hug for you!
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Old 02-05-2008, 07:25 AM   #7
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My heart breaks for you. I just wish I could give you a big and tell you it will work out one day. Try not to let your body image get tangled up with your self image. You are a wonderful person at any weight.
Please don't take offence, but I think your husband needs a big kick in the butt. Ignoring you when you are so obviously in pain is cruel. Your only concern should be with you getting better. You're not going to change him, that's for sure. Any man who claims to acknowledge his wife only when she's thin has issues with conditional love. Real love is unconditional. Please go back to the doctor and ask him to get you back on track with your weight loss, and see if he can recommend a therapist who specializes in bypass surgery patients.
I know for me, when I'm not happy everything else is such a struggle. You deserve better than you're getting. I'll keep you in my prayers-Chris
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Old 02-05-2008, 08:54 AM   #8
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Oh, hon, you're not a failure. You're simply struggling... like the rest of us. Hang out here and you'll make lots of friends and get great support while getting back to the healthy you.
Hang in there.
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Old 02-05-2008, 09:34 AM   #9
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Welcome and remember you ARE NOT alone in this! That's why we're here to comfort and support one another.
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Old 02-05-2008, 01:44 PM   #10
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Most of the weight loss sugery success rate statistics I've seen puts "success" (defined liberally, not as losing and keeping off every desired pound) at only around 40%. I don't think most surgeons present weight loss surgery as less than a 50-50 chance, which I think is a shame, because I think knowing from the start that sucess still required a great deal of "swimming upstream" to be successful.

I know there are quite a few people who elect to have a second surgery. I don't know what the statistics are for a second surgery, but regardless losing weight is outrageously difficult. You're fighing your brain, your emotions, your physiology, and often family, culture, and society as well. This is big-time difficult, so don't beat yourself up if it takes a lot of attempts to master.

I also have arthritis and fibro, so I know how pain issues do make exercising and even wanting to exercise difficult. Water exercise is usually easier, especially warm water exercise. If there's a warm water exercise program in your area, it's wonderful. Call the nearest YMCA or Arthritis Foundation or elderly or disability services in your area to find a program near you. They're usually pretty inexpensive. The one in our area is only $3 per visit. Some programs require you to have a doctor's referral.
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Old 02-05-2008, 01:54 PM   #11
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I haven't had weight loss surgery but I know how depressed I get when I look at myself and think, "wow, when did I become a fat slob?". Sounds harsh on myself, I know. I am lucky enough to have a very supportive family and it sounds like your husband has some serious issues. As I'm sure he's not what he once was either! I spend a lot, A LOT of time on this website. I have a boring job and coming here helps me a lot when I get the urge to go buy fatty foods. You CAN do this. I think a checkup with the doc would be a good way to start. Take a look at some of the success stories and it might give you some ideas on how to get yourself moving a little more without too much pain. You're not in this alone!!!
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Old 02-05-2008, 03:05 PM   #12
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One thing that people say here over and over is that weight loss surgery is a tool - it is not a cure all. Unless anyone trying to lose weight deals with the issues of how they got that way in the first place and then puts in place permanent change in their lives to keep themselves on track it doesn't matter how you lose you will have a very difficult time maintaining that loss. Please don't get too down on yourself about being a failure. Many, many people lose some and then gain some back. The important thing is to continue to try and be as healthy as you can and keep at it.

It sounds like your relationship with your husband might be somewhat toxic. "He never wanted to be stuck with a fat wife?" Well, how about you now wanting to be stuck with an uncaring ? You need to take care of yourself for you, not because someone won't love you for who you are.
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Old 02-05-2008, 03:42 PM   #13
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I wish I could give you a real hug . Please continue to post here, it's a great group of people who'll be here to cheer you on each step of the way.

Take care of yourself.
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Old 02-05-2008, 05:17 PM   #14
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Your post makes my heart break. I haven't had the same kinds of struggles that you have, but I know how it feels to be criticized by the people who are supposed to love the inner you. We are here for you, and we love you just the way you are. More than that, we want to support you as you improve your health and change your life for the better!

Hang in there. Keep visiting 3FC. I haven't even been here a week and it's already changed my life. You can do this!
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Old 02-05-2008, 05:21 PM   #15
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Aww sweetie I just want to give you a big hug. I haven't been through all that but I have struggled a lot with my weight and feel depressed when I realize that when my hubby and I met I was 100 lbs lighter than I am now. I have also failed at a lot of diets but this time need and want to stick with it so I can finally lose my weight. You can do this. We are all in this fight together! Hugs.
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