Wow - thank you all for your contributions to this thread which I have been voraciously reading. I can relate with everything on here. I don't recognize old photos of myself - am embarrassed by them - and yet am still so critical of myself. I made it down to 160 then rebounded during the fall. Am restarting now.
One of the big mind games I've experienced is that as the weight has come off, I feel the invisibility cloak (Potter fans out there?) coming off in good and bad ways. It angers me sometimes because it's not just in my mind. I don't just feel more noticeable (which is hard when I'm so (self)conscious and critical of my physical self) but also that people find me more credible. That haunts me. I work in a highly professional environment and my business success has improved as the weight has shed... now yes, some of this is attributable to greater confidence but I also think it is the fat shaming playing out in reverse. I know that I am my own worst critic but I can see people treating me differently and it has caused me to really appreciate those who loved me before and throughout and no matter what.
I appreciate the bravery of all of you on this thread. This is deep introspective stuff.
I have been too chicken to post this link to date but my clinic asked me to participate in a promotional video that they did... here it goes. I hope some of you find motivation in it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvYpv-QzjOs