Quote:
Originally Posted by AmberLS
I'd love the "coles notes" lol. I swear I feel like I'm living in a war zone..
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Ah my friend Amber, these books are for you! "Coles notes" version is that all people (not just kids) have 4 needs: "The 4 Cs" (
not the Big C)
.
We all need:
to feel
connected: I need to believe I am accepted and that I belong (Misbehavior: When I don't feel connected, I well seek undue
attention)
to feel
capable: I need to believe I can do it! That I am competent and I can manage (Misbehavior: When I don't feel capable, I will seek
power over others)
to feel
counted: I need to believe I count for something, that my contributions make a difference. (Misbehavior: When I don't feel I count, I will seek
revenge)
to feel
courageous: I need to believe I can handle what comes (Misbehavior: When I don't feel courageous, I will seek
to avoid = learned helplessness)
She encourages in the book "Honey I Wrecked the Kids", that you think about "why" your children are acting the way they are -- and they can't tell you so don't ask "why are you hitting your sister?" -- and then work on the behavior from a problem of understanding the unspoken reason for the behavior. I also love that she talks about these four "dances" we go through as parents, but she tells you how YOU feel when you are responding to them. By looking at how we, as adults, are reacting, we can more easily see which "need" our children are expressing.
In the "Ain't Misbehavin'" it is a Q/A format of specific examples of what kids do and how she suggests handling it.
They both are easy reads, and very funny, because for each example she gives realistic scenarios that you read and say "Oh yeah - that happens here every 5 minutes!..." It's nice to get some practical strategies to try for the madness we call life.
Final note: She also points out that "History was never made by anyone who was obedient" so just think of your kids as future world changers