Lucci: Great WI this week. I will be keeping an eye on your week with changing things up, interesting to see if it will make a difference.

Kawaii: Your post about turning back into the "fat girl" overnight and her still hanging around is true for me too. I know it is impossible to gain the weight back over night, but that girl is still there, lurking. Not sure the "fat girl" in me will ever go away, I keep thinking she is there to keep reminding me of where I was and how I do not want to go back to that. Hugs for your daughter.

So I was reading an article today thanks to my FB friend and this really stuck out in my mind.
Weight loss is learning more about yourself. Putting yourself to a different level. Saying goodbye to every single excuse. Knowing that you have a problem.
All of this is so true for me, I have learned so much more about myself and what I am capable of thru my weight loss journey. I have put myself first, for once. Not an easy thing for my mind to grasp, but worth it to feel better about myself. Some really good points for me to think about and ponder. I also know now that when the weight loss is over and I reach goal, the journey doesn't end. I will start another journey into the life of a maintainer. This is something that I have never considered before, I have always lost the weight and gone right back to eating what I did before. We all know that your mind has to be ready to lose the weight, I also think it has to be ready to maintain that weight. Trying to get my mind ready. LOL

Kawaii, I am sorry that you are struggling with the increase in calories. I do not analyze the numbers, I just eat what is on the list. I know that it is frustrating for you, but your body needs additional fuel to heal.

As for the "fat girl" thinking, food is fuel for our bodies. I think our mistake is giving it more power than that. In the past, we have allowed it to be friend, comforter, medicine, entertainer, and reward. But, we are not those people anymore. We know the tools to use to prevent an over reliance on food. Each one of us has reached out for help and support. We have built emotional support, gained information on nutritional need and most of all- we have changed inside. We know that a slip does not have to mean a slide.

Every day, every meal, we make a decision about how we want to care for our bodies. We realize this decision can be a struggle and that it is about the long term goal of a healthy body and not-an all or nothing need for perfection. As much as the "fat girl" played a role in our lives, she is gone. She will stay gone with each healthy decision.

I read this today, and it resonated with me. Some of his stuff feels a little too "Preachy", but I can relate with him.

http://theantijared.com/2014/04/addi...omorrow-2.html

Slip,

I doubt my "fat girl" will ever be truly gone, but she doesn't need to have so much power over everything. I make choices now that are healthy.. instead of going to bed like I was going to without eating (and being at 690 calories for the day), I forced myself to get up, cook dinner (yay hard boiled eggs with hot peppers, celery, and broccoli).. I'm sitting here eating and making sure I tracked everything appropriately. Who would have guessed that I would become the girl forcing myself to eat!?

I know, that protein is not so appealing. I came home and slept for 2.5 hours. I have had a week of very little sleep. Had to force myself to get up and eat dinner. Knowing myself, if it had been a restricted- I would have been happy to bound out of bed to eat. I got up, made dinner and drank 2 cups of tea. Mind over "fat girl" thinking. It worked for both of us tonight . Maybe, you would benefit from not using the food analyzing app right now? Any time for coffee this weekend?

Yay Slip for waking up and eating.. I messaged you privately about coffee plans. Thanks for being there guys.. you're all awesome!

Kawaii- I'm glad your labs came back normal and I hope the same happens with the heat test. I am sending positive thoughts to you and your daughter. I'm sorry she's suffering too. I know it's hard not to worry about gaining the weight back, but I think you're going to be fine doing P2. I would think you'd stay in ketosis. As far as the inner fat girl, I think we all need to see her as an important part of our past. With all of the fat shaming and negative treatment of overweight and obese people, we have been there before and have hopefully gained more empathy from the experience. I like to think of my former fat girl as a teacher to me.

Lucci- Congratulations on the WI! I'm glad you're feeling better about getting on track. I'll be interested to see how the change up works for you.

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday with my doctor (who owns the IP clinic) and we discussed phasing off. We set a little bit of an earlier phasing off schedule because both of us think the 140 goal I had originally set would be too thin. Now I'm aiming towards the 150's and begin P2 in three weeks. Once I get into P2, I'll begin working with a trainer to tone up and work on getting into into a lifelong exercise habit. I weigh 170, but I'm wearing small or medium tops and my size 10 jeans are falling off of me. I would be happy ending the program in size 8 pants. If I get smaller with an exercise program, great, but health and feeling comfortable in my body is my #1 priority. I am excited about the new phasing off schedule because I'll be phased off for my friend's wedding in mid-July. I'm really excited.

I'm also going to visit some family on Southern CA in August that I haven't seen in a long time. I was kind of avoiding the visit when I was bigger because I felt ashamed of how big I'd gotten and I've been intimidated by LA/Orange County in the past because of my body image issues. I want to get to know my family in SoCal because I rarely saw them as I grew up in Ohio. It would be nice to get closer to them because they are my only relatives in CA, aside from two other cousins from my mom's side side of the family I want to get to know better too. On my dad's side of the family, I've got two cousins just a little older than me and my aunt and uncle. They're the ones I'm going to visit in August. I know they're family and would still care for me even as a larger person, but they're fit and athletic and I just felt self-conscious about them seeing me when I was bigger. I'm glad to be at the point that I feel good about my body and I'm initiating visits instead of hiding. Big step for me!

Hope everyone has a great Friday and weekend! What does everyone have planned?

Kooky: It sounds like a good plan. And the number on the scale doesn't determine when we should phase off all the time. I am a size 10 in pants, and also a small/medium in shirts and I feel good. I definately want to stay here though and am working at maintaining. Its amazing how much exercise helps with the toning and it doesn't take long. And it definately helps with the measurements staying the same! I was worried in the beginning that I should get lower on the scale but now I'm glad that I phased off when I did. A person knows when they are at that point.

Thanks for the support! I totally agree with you. I never even dreamt of getting to this size and the goal wasn't to see how skinny I could get. It was to get to a healthy weight at which I felt comfortable. I'm glad I have a little more time on P1 to lose some more (preferably belly fat), and my doctor thinks I'll continue to lose on P2, so I'll be happy regardless. Now that the extra weight is gone, exercise actually sounds appealing. I'm excited that it shouldn't take as long to see the toning happen since I'm not carrying much extra weight. I'm glad it's helping you maintain and that you're feeling good!

Thanks!

[QUOTE=Kawaii1002;5008824]I read this today, and it resonated with me. Some of his stuff feels a little too "Preachy", but I can relate with him.

http://theantijared.com/2014/04/addi...omorrow-2.html

QUOTE]

Thanks for this link! I really enjoyed it. Especially the little video on the side showing his weight loss! I love it when people share interesting stuff they have found!

Slip: You are right, we have all changed, inside and out. And we have much more knowledge and control over our food. I guess sometimes I lose sight of things like that. Easy to criticize myself and forget how far I have come. Proud of you for sticking to plan even if P2 is not your favorite!

Kooky: Good for you for being brave and going to see your family. Glad you have gained your confidence to do that, it is a huge thing. Also getting closer to phasing off!! Yahoo!!!

Plans for this weekend: DD#2 has her first sleepover away. DD#1 and I may go out for dinner, not sure yet. DH is coming home Saturday after being away for a week. I need to relax, I had a ball game last night and pulled both my quad muscles running the bases. That has NEVER happened to me before. I was shocked. I lose 70lbs, am feeling better, in better shape and now I hurt myself? Not much I can do now, they feel better today but still pretty sore. Hopefully they are back to normal on Monday for the next game! LOL. Have a good weekend everyone.

Poor Want2b! Hope they feel better soon.

I am heading to the New York Botanical Garden tomorrow with my Mom. I also need to do a lot of planting here. Hoping that the weather cooperates.

Kooky, yay for being Phased off by the wedding!

This has been an exhausting week! So happy that it is a long weekend.

Hey all!!! Had a good day OP.. which I think was quite possibly the hardest day OP ever... My son had a choral competition today, and his chorus won a GOLD!!! In an adjudicated choral competition, kids (and adults) are judged by the music, and the strength to which they sang against the standard of *that song*. The main adjudicator came down and complimented our kids. They did three really really difficult pieces of music. Shed a Little Light (with sign language accompaniment), Blow Bugle Blow (which is a 4 part round/harmony) and a south african song where the kids played djembe drums while singing.

That was the EASY part of the OP day.... their reward was going to an amusement park for the afternoon. I stayed OP, brought RTD chocolate drink, orange wafers, cukes, and celery sticks. Kids were eating french fries, pizza, cotton candy, ice cream, fried dough, fried oreo cookies, and of course they stopped at the "candy shop" on the way out so they could get jelly beans, fudge, candied nuts... and on top of that, they had "free feed" soda for the kids all day long. I kept chugging my water from my water bottle..

I feel kinda grumpy now, like I wanted those things, but I really wasn't hungry... I emotionally wanted them because everyone else had them. Yay for white knuckles

Kawaii-Good job with the white knuckled success! You are a super Mom! I had to serve pizza and soda to my 7th graders for an earned behavior award today. I was happy that it looked gross to me

The only thing I REALLY wanted.. because I was craving that gooey chocolate taste was the oreo's.. but to be completely honest, LOOKING at them was enough, and I smelled one that the kids offered me and I really honestly couldn't do it. It made me nauseous.. me.. the person who at the height of her food addiction could eat an entire bag of oreos in one sitting.. seriously, I feel like IP changed my body chemistry. I'm not the same person I was before!!!