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Who has had little or no support while on IP

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Old 02-02-2014, 05:02 PM   #1
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Unhappy Who has had little or no support while on IP

Who here has faced extreme negativity and insults and cruel treatment from people who are suppose to be your support your cheerleaders? Esp. when you add something else into your life to help get you even healthier?
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Old 02-02-2014, 06:08 PM   #2
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I haven't and am so sorry you're going through that, but sending you a
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Old 02-02-2014, 06:46 PM   #3
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Sarahbell I'm so sorry you are facing negativity in your home. Sometimes our partners project their insecurity onto us. That's his problem, not yours. You have to continue to make the steps on this journey knowing in the long run that this is the BESTdecision you've made for yourself. I'm going to assume that your husband is of Middle Eastern descent from things you're written before. Maybe India? Please correct me if I am wrong.
Men from those culture tend to be have the idea that their wives job is to care for the home and family 1st, herself 2nd. Unfortunately that leads to the situation of Mom being overweight, ill etc. You cannot care for your family if you are not caring for yourself. Taking an hour a day or an hour every couple of days to go to the gym is very beneficial to you and your family. Leaving your little boy in care of a relative or even a day care IMO is good for him. He will learn to socialize with others , sharing and all of those things we as parents sometimes struggle to get our beautiful little angels to grasp.

Anyway I'm rambling, take everything I say with a grain of salt and know that I am here to support you as well as all of the wonderful ladies and gents on 3FC.

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Old 02-02-2014, 08:14 PM   #4
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SarahBell, It will get better. DH and I tried going to a gym together and it never worked, not we both have our routine and its better for both of us. I am sure you will be able to talk this out-- if your like me though that won't be until your ready to discus it instead of kicking him in the shin! Just remember it takes two to fight and two to love. Good luck.
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Old 02-03-2014, 07:45 AM   #5
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I have not experienced anything extreme, but I have been surprised in the last 2 weekends by friends, while we were at social parties, they tried to either get me to have some food or alcohol... What's up with that? Plus I've had a family member tell me that they were dieting the "healthy way" insinuating I'm doing something wrong. In these situations I shake my head and wonder why ? I'm doing something that is making me look and feel healthier! I've done all my research and this is a great way to improve my life and those all a round me who want to take this journey with me... And so far there has been 3 other family members who have decided to try IP!

I hope you can stay strong in your belief that you are doing what is best for you! If others cannot see this now, hopefully they will in the future! Pray for a positive change, wishing you comfort! -N-
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Old 02-03-2014, 09:02 AM   #6
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Not to be negative nelly here, but perhaps your lack of 100% commitment is sending mixed feelings on to your DH about what some consider a pretty expensive diet plan.

Between my first time on IP and this time, I unsuccessfully tried to restart so many times, that just the mention of it to my husband made him shrug his shoulders, not take me seriously, and show no support.

Now that I am committed he is always telling me how great I am doing, he went to get himself a gym membership (he isn't happy with the equipment in the base gym) and he took the initiative to get the information for us getting a family pass because at one point I briefly mentioned I wanted to start toning, he has gone out on his own and bought me clothes, which he never did before in the 10 years we have been together. The list goes on and on.

I'm not trying to blame you or make you feel bad, because I know how hard it is to stick with IP, but from my experience, don't listen to the naysayers, put yourself first, commit 100%, and I'm pretty sure people will change their negativity towards you about it all.

If not, at least you have us all here who are going to support you no matter what!
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Old 02-03-2014, 09:39 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by shrinkingsusie View Post
Not to be negative nelly here, but perhaps your lack of 100% commitment is sending mixed feelings on to your DH about what some consider a pretty expensive diet plan.

Between my first time on IP and this time, I unsuccessfully tried to restart so many times, that just the mention of it to my husband made him shrug his shoulders, not take me seriously, and show no support.

Now that I am committed he is always telling me how great I am doing, he went to get himself a gym membership (he isn't happy with the equipment in the base gym) and he took the initiative to get the information for us getting a family pass because at one point I briefly mentioned I wanted to start toning, he has gone out on his own and bought me clothes, which he never did before in the 10 years we have been together. The list goes on and on.

I'm not trying to blame you or make you feel bad, because I know how hard it is to stick with IP, but from my experience, don't listen to the naysayers, put yourself first, commit 100%, and I'm pretty sure people will change their negativity towards you about it all.

If not, at least you have us all here who are going to support you no matter what!
He has not followed this diet with me. I bought all my stuff in one shot an 8 month supply of stuff for $1400 full boxes of everything it came out to be $18.35 per box vs. $33 per box at a clinic or $4 (about) per packet.

He has it in his head that trashy- losers and dirty skanky people join places like PF. And if you join there you are looking to cheat on your spouse. It has nothing to do with my epic failure of not staying 100% it has to do with what nonsense he has In head to justify his lashing out at me! Plus Nola said that our spouses insecurities come to a head when we succeed and they cannot handle the fact that we are taking something for ourselves for once and looking better and feeling better than what I already do is an issue.

My pantry down stairs has full boxes of omelets, pancakes, pudding mixes ect. So we do not have a weekly expense of $88+ (per our centers prices here in town) and no monthly vitamin expense ( I bought some that have been posted here).

It is and was nonsense that happened, it was wrong and I cannot be held to blame for trying to discipline myself and try hard as heck to stay 100% which is so fraking hard it can reduce me to tears some days.

ps. he is the only negative person in this equation and he is only negative about joining PF nothing else
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Old 02-03-2014, 10:00 AM   #8
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I have found support in unexpected places and continue to be so grateful for it. IP was a personal choice and I knew I wanted to do it regardless of how the people in my life reacted.

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Old 02-03-2014, 11:31 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by sarahBell View Post

He has it in his head that trashy- losers and dirty skanky people join places like PF. And if you join there you are looking to cheat on your spouse.
That is ABSURD. Sarah, I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing this.

I don't understand the cheating on your spouse thing. How is joining one gym any different than another? Even if the place were full of 'dirty skanky cheaters,' the only person whose actions matter are yours, and if you're both committed and in a place in your relationship where you trust and are truly partners, this shouldn't even be a thought worth saying out loud.

I am obviously not an expert in other people's relationships/marriages, but my advie would be not to engage this further than "I'm going to join PF. I've done my research and it's the best place for me. You are welcome to come with me; I'd love for us to work out together." Do NOT justify his strange preconceptions with an answer aside from "I disagree, but I'm not going to talk about this any further with you." Because the more you engage, the more entrenched you'll become in the bizarre patterns of thinking on this subject.
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Old 02-03-2014, 12:30 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by sarahBell View Post
He has not followed this diet with me. I bought all my stuff in one shot an 8 month supply of stuff for $1400 full boxes of everything it came out to be $18.35 per box vs. $33 per box at a clinic or $4 (about) per packet.

He has it in his head that trashy- losers and dirty skanky people join places like PF. And if you join there you are looking to cheat on your spouse. It has nothing to do with my epic failure of not staying 100% it has to do with what nonsense he has In head to justify his lashing out at me! Plus Nola said that our spouses insecurities come to a head when we succeed and they cannot handle the fact that we are taking something for ourselves for once and looking better and feeling better than what I already do is an issue.

My pantry down stairs has full boxes of omelets, pancakes, pudding mixes ect. So we do not have a weekly expense of $88+ (per our centers prices here in town) and no monthly vitamin expense ( I bought some that have been posted here).

It is and was nonsense that happened, it was wrong and I cannot be held to blame for trying to discipline myself and try hard as heck to stay 100% which is so fraking hard it can reduce me to tears some days.

ps. he is the only negative person in this equation and he is only negative about joining PF nothing else

Again, I wasn't trying to blame or accuse. Just offering what I could from my own personal experience.

I am sorry you are going through this. It seems to me more of a trust/jealousy issue than a support problem.

What if you also got one of your children to join the gym with you? Then, not only do you get extra bonding time with them, maybe it would put your husbands fears to rest knowing you are there with one of your children?
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Old 02-03-2014, 05:09 PM   #11
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sarahBell, I am only speaking from my own experience, so if anything I offer is not useful to you please disregard it.
1. If I start anything (not just a diet) and say how hard it is, my husband will be quick to respond that maybe it's not the right thing for me. It's one of the ways he tries to "protect" me. I know that if I am having difficulties I should look for support in other places if I want to continue with what I am doing.
2. There are many ways to become more physically fit without joining a gym. Have you considered any of them? Maybe if your husband saw you walking daily, working out at home and having success with your IP program he would be more receptive to a gym membership to add to the success.
3. THE BOTTOM LINE: I am responsible for doing what I need to be healthy. It is lovely to have support and encouragement from others, especially those who are the closest to me, but I know that it is I alone who must take the actions. These actions include following the eating plan, drinking all the water, taking the supplements, getting exercise, and displaying a positive attitude about the process.
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Old 02-03-2014, 06:08 PM   #12
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It sucks that he's not supportive, but honestly you are your biggest cheerleader. I had zero "live" support when I lost the big chunk of my weight. By zero, I mean I was already estranged from family and friends, and isolated in a little cottage in the mountains. My only form of support was an old defunct weight loss forum, it was lonely and I sadly wished for a different family and set of friends, but it didn't really stop me, I developed an attitude that I didn't need anyone to support me because I could do it alone, and I did. I hope you can move past his negativity.
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Old 02-03-2014, 07:59 PM   #13
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If my husband of 31 years ever said something like that to me, I would have said "Don't let the door hit you in your ars on the way out" Who lets someone treat them that way. Maybe you both need some counseling. Good Luck!
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Old 02-03-2014, 09:30 PM   #14
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I am not so intent on suggesting counseling as others because I experience some of this with my spouse and I think that much of his response is fear.

He has lived with me for 24 years and I have always been overweight, sometimes very much so. Now I have lost over 80 pounds and he is not always sure of who I am anymore...or maybe even sure of what I might be doing.

I think it frightens him because he does not understand that my motivation comes strictly from within myself and I am doing it solely to be healthy and happy. It has NOTHING to do with him or our relationship.

We have had a few very quick and very tentative talks and I know that he is very unsure of it all. But I know he loves me and will not try to interfere but sometimes he is confused by his emotions.
This is exactly the issue in this house. He met me I was over weight and have been since I graduated High school. He thinks I have a different motive to losing weight than what I want to achieve inside of me. I want normal sized clothes, and to look as good outside as I feel inside

He needs to lose weight almost 100 lbs, but he just does not have the motivation to do it, and I think he is worried if I lose what I need to I will vanish. This is nOT the case at all.

We had a very deep heart to heart talk and things are better today
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Old 02-04-2014, 03:38 PM   #15
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This is exactly the issue in this house. He met me I was over weight and have been since I graduated High school. He thinks I have a different motive to losing weight than what I want to achieve inside of me. I want normal sized clothes, and to look as good outside as I feel inside

He needs to lose weight almost 100 lbs, but he just does not have the motivation to do it, and I think he is worried if I lose what I need to I will vanish. This is nOT the case at all.

We had a very deep heart to heart talk and things are better today
SarahBell..hope things are better...and hope you have the resolve to do what YOU need to do now that the storm is past...with or with out his support, and in spite of his unhappiness if he still harbors any..

You do have all the 3FCs here (and your doctors I am sure) saying you are on track, and honestly.....although you'd like his support...(That is always NICE to have)....you don't need anything except your own determination to succeed in this. It's very important you not bargain your resolve. You can do this and you know you are right. You, and only you can make it happen and you will be so happy you did. After you get in the groove it will be "your" time. When my kids were little...I walked 5 miles a day...and honestly did not want anyone else to "come with " me. It was my alone-quiet time which was time spent inside my own head. My DH traveled an insane amount when they were growing up...and having a block of time with no one else to fill my head with ANYTHING was the best thing I ever did for me. I had to figure out how to nicely tell my teens and my DH when he was home...I needed that time to be better. The word I should have used was "Deserved" ... no matter....they respected it...even if they did not really understand it! Even I understand it better now. Amazing what we see when we look back. Good reasons to look/go forward come from those glances....
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