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How do people ask you about your weight?

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Old 01-27-2014, 03:31 PM   #16
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So much changes when we lose weight. I lost friends because they were jealous and became mean

The comment you are withering away is so backhanded...I was told that and it made me mad.

The other comments were pretty supportive...The best one was a co-worker asking another girl who the new girl was and it was me lmao

For me going from being big and invisible to smaller and the topic of conversation...I freaked out and gained some back but I decided not to let anyone else dictate my happiness and I am back to that lower weight. Everyone has now adjusted and the comments have stopped.
I had the same issue when I first lost my weight. The first few pounds my co-workers didn't comment at all. I kept wearing the same clothes for a long time. I think I had already lost 20 lbs before I wore smaller t-shirts. I noticed as more and more weight came off the less time my friends at work spent with me. We never hung out after work but we always visited during the day, took breaks together, sat together at meetings. All of my friends at work were also over weight. I didn't talk weight loss or eating habits (mine or theirs) when we were together but I slowly found myself edged out of our gatherings and replaced by someone else. It hurt my feeling alot because I felt rejected and singled out. Then the comments would start about things when I was around.."we WERE going to go get a coffee and donut, since your on a diet we didn't figure you'd want to go, see you later"..

"So how much weight have you lost?"
"Omg, how much weight are you going to lose?"
"You're withering away to nothing!" (Which couldn't be furthest from the truth because I'm still plenty big.
"You look so different." They say this in like a complimentary way but I still don't know how to take it.

I remember being pulled aside by the office gossip lady and she said "Oh Cynthia are you doing ok? Are you sick?"

I got turned away from all the ladies at work and my feelings really were hurt when I kept getting the cold shoulder. I continued to eat the way I should and walked the track at work several times a day. I finally had a nice comment from the senior mechanic at work (this was 5 years ago). He was working on my bus on afternoon (I drove bus back then) and when I went up to ask him if my bus would be ready soon he began talking with me. I remember him saying that he had noticed i had been making some changes in my life and that I should be proud of myself. He told me that while I might be trying to hide myself in my still baggy clothes, he could notice the confidence I was gaining in myself while the weight came off.

This man never ever spoke to anyone at work. He told me not to worry about what others at work felt or said about my weight loss, that they just transferred their own personal anger about their own weight towards me. By seeing me drop the weight and taking control over my life my friends could no longer make excuses for themselves. The first day I went into work with jeans and a t-shirt that actually fit (they weren't baggy and hanging off me, but weren't tight either) he told me I looked nice and gave me confidence that I wasn't "odd looking" or asking for attention.

I remember another comment about my weight not being so nice. When I began to really drop the pounds several female co-workers began spreading rumors about me. I suddenly had gone thru weight loss surgery, and that was why I was losing weight. I remember one new employee who heard the rumor asked me about it. I was shocked when she said that everyone knew I had the surgery and that they would all lose weight if they could afford to have the surgery themselves. I then found myself in another rumor, I was having an affair with a senior employee and "using my new found sex appeal" to get promotions.

It is amazing what people will say or do when they don't know the facts. I was dragged into my bosses office and asked about my "relationship" with this co-worker they even viewed video tape of us together. While things have calmed down I still get comments occasionally about my "change". I went from being described as the shy over weight girl to the stuck up skinny girl. Its amazing how people can generalize others by their looks. I am still that shy girl inside.

I've been accused of taking diet supplements, starving myself.

Quote:
"you're probably going to gain it back, after losing it so quickly". I just generally respond, "well, I certainly hope not." Someone mentioned once that you would never say something like that to an alcoholic, so why would you say something like that to someone who has struggled with overeating?
This is a common comment, I always wonder why? Everyone else suddenly seems to be a weight loss expert. I was told that I might keep it off for a little while but as soon as I start eating "normally" again I will gain the weight back and more.

You feel like you constantly have to defend yourself, your choices, and why you are doing what you are doing. Just remember that you are the only one that knows what works for you and its your actions and beliefs that matter, not anyone else.
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Old 01-27-2014, 04:21 PM   #17
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Funny enough, today, someone who I really dont know that well (the lady that runs the bookstore) asked me outright, "you've lost a lot of weight, haven't you?"
I wasnt sure how to take it. I've gotten that same comment multiple times.
A lot of people are better at saying things like "You look great!"
But I've gotten some of the comments of "So, how much weight have you lost?"
I still don't know how to take most of the comments. I've never had to deal with it before, because I've always been larger. But since I've lost 70 lbs, it shows a lot more.
I usually just say thanks, or yes, and kind of shy away from the conversation as fast as possible.
I think my favorite was when someone said "you look different" and I took my glasses off and said "Yeah, I got new glasses" and she was like "oh, ok" and just kept staring at me like she wasnt sure what to say, or if she believed me... lol
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Old 01-27-2014, 05:00 PM   #18
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Funny enough, today, someone who I really dont know that well (the lady that runs the bookstore) asked me outright, "you've lost a lot of weight, haven't you?"
I wasnt sure how to take it. I've gotten that same comment multiple times.
A lot of people are better at saying things like "You look great!"
But I've gotten some of the comments of "So, how much weight have you lost?"
I still don't know how to take most of the comments. I've never had to deal with it before, because I've always been larger. But since I've lost 70 lbs, it shows a lot more.
I usually just say thanks, or yes, and kind of shy away from the conversation as fast as possible.
I think my favorite was when someone said "you look different" and I took my glasses off and said "Yeah, I got new glasses" and she was like "oh, ok" and just kept staring at me like she wasnt sure what to say, or if she believed me... lol
That's so funny. I love it! I remember so many people asking, "did you do something different with your hair?" No, my head is just smaller now. ha ha.
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Old 01-27-2014, 05:23 PM   #19
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Dak1lls- You're such a gracious lady! And funny too...

Deanna....just remember this is your journey and no one gets to make you uncomfortable. This is personal and you share with whomever you care to, and figure out a polite way to cut off anyone else. People who are rude enough to put you on the spot have no compunctions about keeping things sensitive once you hand over what they want to know. A little squirming now to nip it, will allow you to NOT be in a more uncomfortable situation in a few months where by then you REALLY my not want to be sharing numbers. Real friends and gracious acquaintances, that is those worthy of being a friend, for the most part will not pursue making you uncomfortable.

They will sense it with out you having to say it.

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Old 01-27-2014, 05:38 PM   #20
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Hehe.. I have got the 'You look different' comment a few times and the
'Have you stopped eating' or 'How did it happen' line and the only way I have replied is by shooting back a blank look followed by a cheesy grin
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Old 01-27-2014, 06:33 PM   #21
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When I lost weight two years ago, people I didn't knew that well asked me a lot how I did it. I usually answered with: 'Just started to work out and eat more healthy,' but that wasn't enough for everyone and they kept asking about exactly what I ate and how I worked out - like there is some magical way to lose weight.

I never knew how to respond. I didn't want to say that the questions are personal, because it would make me look weak but I didn't want to explain my diet to strangers neither.
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Old 01-27-2014, 06:59 PM   #22
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When I lost weight two years ago, people I didn't knew that well asked me a lot how I did it. I usually answered with: 'Just started to work out and eat more healthy,' but that wasn't enough for everyone and they kept asking about exactly what I ate and how I worked out - like there is some magical way to lose weight.

I never knew how to respond. I didn't want to say that the questions are personal, because it would make me look weak but I didn't want to explain my diet to strangers neither.
I never felt telling someone they were making me uncomfortable made me look weak. Having to quietly point that out that this was a personal issue may make THEM look like a social moron...but that's not my problem. I was very comfortable giving the message please stop..Nicely. And changed the subject to something else. Anyone who is that determined may need to be handled a little firmer...but honestly things never got to that for me. If it had I would have said "Can we discuss this later?"..And I would have been more blunt in a 1:1...

Telling someone this stuff puts it out there..How often have you had someone say..."Well you know she lost 85 lbs....!!" ??

Then they discuss "her" and "she's" not even there...No thanks.
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Old 01-27-2014, 07:33 PM   #23
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This topic is one that I have actually stressed over! Originally at the start of my journey looking forward, I wouldn't have guessed that I would mind telling people how much weight I have lost, or how much more I had to lose. Now that I have lost a significant amount of weight, I have been bombarded with comments and questions and interrogations. I have even had the same person ask me every week how much weight I have lost. I work in a very large institution and I have caught the attention of everyone.

Well, I took a break from IP and I am back now, and I have decided not to weigh! I am not weighing at home, and at my clinic appointments I am not looking at the scale and have asked to not be told. All I want to know is up, down, or the same. I am weary of hyper fixating on a number.

Then I thought, wow, the fringe benefit of this is that when I am asked at work, or anywhere for that matter, how much weight I have lost I can genuinely say "I don't know"!! I have even thought I could add in "How much do you think I have lost?" I would think returning the question on them would cause them to see what an uncomfortable question it can be!

So last week completed my first week back OP. All my coach said was "you did great" It feels so good to be back on plan. I will not be able to update my ticker for awhile, but all I know is my body already feels better and moves better and my emotions feel better too! For now, that is all I need to know.

I also want to express again to all of you for being here and posting everyday. Although I took a break from IP, I did not take a break from 3FC! You guys rock with your encouraging stories. I will post more soon.
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Old 01-27-2014, 08:05 PM   #24
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This is my breaking point. As soon as people start noticing and making comments I immediately retract. About 6 years ago...wow cannot believe that it has been so long. 6 years ago I was on the right track losing weight looking great beginning to buy new clothes.

One day at work we are located on multiple floors, the elevator was filled with my colleagues and I returning from a meeting, the doors open up and a woman with good intentions I would like to think says out loud "wow you've lost a ton of weight!" ..and follows it up by "is this intentional or are you ill?" Well, that was the end of that journey and I slowly regained all that I lost.

I am only starting week three and am already weary of how I will handle the comments.
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Old 01-27-2014, 08:48 PM   #25
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Vivig here is a hug of support for you:!

That sure was a thoughtless thing that woman said to you. People just have no idea how their comments sound. I mean really, wow. This is a sensitive subject for a lot of us and I am right there with you, already gearing up for the next wave of weight loss and the ensuing comments.

I had one coworker say LOUDLY in front of a large group of people "OMG your face!" because my face is drastically thinner. How does one respond to that? Well I didn't respond or say anything, I just wanted to change the subject and pretend it was never said, pretend I never heard it. This comment was from someone who has been supportive and encouraging, so it leads me think at least some folks are completely ignorant of how they sometimes come across.

One thing we can't let it do is throw us off. I have taken pause like you to think is the weight loss worth all the stress of all the stupid comments people make and how it sometimes makes me feel? The answer is YES! It is more painful to stay as I am now than to improve my health and feel better. (Did that make sense, I'm not sure!) In time as we become thinner and people become "used" to the new us, the comments will lessen. At least this is my hope. Really, a larger proportion of comments are helpful and encouraging than not, anyway.

We are all here to support and encourage one another. Check in often as you need as we make a great sounding board, too. I have often come in just to vent.

And congratulations on returning. You are doing great so keep it up!
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Old 01-27-2014, 08:53 PM   #26
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I have been lucky and have only had positive experiences with people commenting on my weightloss, and i am eager to let everyone know how great IP is.

I have one client at work who comes once a month, and every time she comes in and sees me she's like "oh my gosh!!!" Which gets a little awkward if other people are in the waiting room, but i know her intentions are good, she is just naturally very outgoing.

I also have another client I see every couple weeks and I just saw her this evening. For the past few months as I am talking to her she is always looking at me up and down and I can tell she wants to comment but she never did until today she was like "you're looking really good!"

Whenever people comment about it I always just change the subject to IP and the protocol. Lol seems to take the focus off of me.
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Old 01-27-2014, 09:07 PM   #27
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I can't decide what I want. I think I want people to notice and mention it but then when they do... I feel a little uncomfortable! LOL

I'm ashamed to say that I have made many of the mistakes mentioned in this thread! Like others I just get so excited to see someone lose a lot of weight that I want to ask them all about it and give them credit for such an accomplishment... it never entered my head that I was making them uncomfortable!! ooops! I had good intentions and I guess a lot of people do when they make comments...
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Old 01-27-2014, 09:52 PM   #28
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I think that a big part of it is WHO asks, and HOW they ask. I don't mind sharing with people who I am friends with, or at least acquaintances, as long as I can sense they have good intentions. It's when people I don't know (but maybe know of me) outright say something, and it's usually perceived in a manner that is either slightly rude, or otherwise uncomfortable. It's all in the delivery. I usually am polite when people ask, and once I hesitated for a little too long when someone asked me how much I had lost, and she then replied with "none of my business, right?" and at that point I wasnt sure what to say. But I know that most of the comments are meant for the good, and I try to take them gracefully (because frankly, as uncomfortable as they are at first, it makes you feel good about yourself that people are noticing, and that you have accomplished something).
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Old 01-27-2014, 10:16 PM   #29
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This issue can be put in the same category as the "scale" debate. If you are ok with some daily fluctuations..(actually mine were/are never extreme and there were none while I was actively losing. More so now that I've reached goal)..the weighing daily is OK. I never want to be afraid of the scale again.

If you are ok with the discussions of your weight..and are proud of your "accomplishment" ....( can't relate to this) ...but some do..so go for it...if you don't feel like sharing something that has been a source of pain and mortal embarrassment... You are within your right to shut it down.

I personally found my obesity an embarrassment and personal failure .. And do not want or feel the need to have anyone else acknowledge where I was. I knew all too well...and can still feel that fat person's horror. Even though I have lost almost 40% of my body mass. Sometimes the chubby woman still lives in my head. When I look in the mirror I can see she's gone. Having someone else talk about it though, keeps me where I started and erodes the last year in my mind.
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Old 01-28-2014, 12:57 AM   #30
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Most people are positive and encouraging, and even though I get uncomfortable with questions and comments, most everyone who comments cares about me and is happy for me. I try to remain objective and remember that.

The part where I get the most bothered is when I was at my heaviest, nearly 315 pounds, I coped with it by pretending that I didn't have a problem, that my weight was invisible. So to have someone ask how much weight I have lost, I feel conflicted because nobody was supposed to notice I had a problem to begin with! I know that is not logical of course, but it was something that helped me to get through daily life at the time.

I just don't need people doing any math on my weight. At least 2 people wanted to know how much I had lost immediately followed by how much I had left to lose. The second question kind of stunned me. Now there is no way I am going to answer that. Out of the myriads of people watching my weight loss thankfully only a couple have wanted those kinds of personal details. Well with my new plan this is going to be a non issue, anyway. I probably won't weigh for a long while. I am comfortable with it because I know all I need to do is follow protocol and the weight WILL come off. For maintenance, I am imagining I will be keeping very close watch, but that is a long ways away. Thanks for listening everyone.
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