Hey yall! So Lafayette basically shut down today. We can't even handle a little ice on our roads. I live in a townhouse on the busiest road in town and I laid in bed and listened to sirens all morning. We have a major river that runs through town and they had to shut all our bridges down because at one point this AM, we had a wreck on all of them at the same time!
Yesterday I was out of the office on a job, and when I got home, I realized I hadn't had a chance to look on 3FC all day! It made me sad that I didn't get on here to catch up with everyone.
schenectady it was me who mentioned bubbies. They are pretty great!
Congrats on the losses today-esp that 70 pound mark Deana! My body doesn't want to give me that reward quite yet. I'm very close..1.2lbs away!
Time to get some venison chili on. Putting celery and bell peppers in it! Can't wait to have that for dinner. Hope yall have a safe afternoon!
Next- Some tough love. Maybe stop reading now. if you would rather just have a place to vent, I respect that.
It's easy for any and everyone to have parenting and relationship advice for us. When my kids were babies/toddlers, an older woman in my life, (not my mother) gave me some very generic rules to live by. As my family grew and the kids got older, the rules still worked...and as adults dealing in an adult world...yep..they for the most part still have traction! It was the best 1:1 chat I ever had with a woman at that stage of my life. So I speak from experience...and having been the recipient of this same chat myself.
1. If you don't respect yourself and what you need and insist on that for what belongs to you, don't expect anyone else to automatically give it.
2. It 's alright to have personal limits on what you will tolerate.
3. It is alright to let others (kids esp) know they are at or past the tolerance limit when/if it happens.
4. If it is necessary to react somehow to a bad situation esp with your older children, it is important to make the punishment fit the crime. Taking a moment to think about how you will respond or react is often going to work well. They will learn that it is NOT over in the first 5 minutes ...and to expect you to reflect on their bad behavior when they are older. Squirming for older kids is good thing. Very good thing.
5. Your time is more important and worth more than that of your kids.
#4 and 5 were really really important when my kids were teens.
Example of #4..
You forget your gym clothes/lunch /homework...and I have to leave work..go home and get it and bring it to you...and that fiasco costs me 1.5 hrs to fix and did not endear me to my boss, I will do it ! I'm your mom....BUT......you owe me 3 hrs...and I get to pick what and when you will spend the time doing whatever I decide. I did not get too many calls like this because they knew ...I was not their "get outta jail free card..."
One though time when my daughter called about a forgotten gym suit...I could safely deduce she was more afraid of the gym teacher than she was of me...AND darn the garage looked good when she paid me back!!!
Example #5..
Other daughter was a door slammer when she was upset with us. We told her calmly if she slammed another door we would take her bedroom door off the frame and then there would be no door to slam.
Yes..she slammed it again...once.
But never again after that.
There was little discussion of this. My husband just went and got a screwdriver....I think I probably could have done this alone if he had not been home tho'...
Every family is different, but it comes down to #1. Respecting each other and feeling it is OK to expect AND get that respect. Even the 2 year old can begin to learn when he does not meet your expectations. There should be a gentle consistent consequence for that and buzz words he understands. 2 Year olds get it all. They really really do. Straight out Pow-wow time with the older kids though. ASAP- Take them to a burger joint and lay it out calmly.. Key is you must deliver...and be consistent. Once they recognize you have hit the wall and they can figure out there will be consequences for unacceptable or disrespectful behavior.... all bets are off. Spend some time thinking about what gets their attention...and remain calm. Stick to the plan if you need to implement...(which you will).
By the same token...recognizing respect and attempts to function responsibly should be treated, recognized and respected in turn as they approach becoming as an adult. Lunch out with JUST you and daughter...at a nicer place you would never dream of taking the 2 yr old. And hire a babysitter occasionally so you get that 1:1 with the older kids and/or husband. If the babysitter cost blows the budget... there are free things in nearly every community you can spend 2 hrs doing. Fix a nice lunch at home for the two of you...but still have a sitter take the 2 yr old to the park!!! But do it. When they see you taking the time and seeing how positively you benefit from it...they are likely to understand and try as well.
But you DO get to drive the respect bus...they're the passengers. Actually it is probably your job...(You know... the one you're not paid enough for!!!)
I hope you take this in a positive light. If you can not get mental organization to your day you are going to continue to struggle. Every person has daily challenges. Some days the obstacles are more and bigger than others...but every single person on this forum has "stuff" to deal with Almost every day. The difference over the long haul is how it's done...not that it's easier. Over the long term, we control how we react to stress, food, people and whatever life throws our way. And many days..it is not easy.
We are all rooting for you. You've got the keys though...
Thank you soooo much!! I Needed this pep talk, really I did. our kids are 2 years old, 8 (almost 9 ) and 15 turning 16 in a few weeks.
I admit I am a door mat. I should not be. I really think I have done zero good by being a SAHM. My oldest son shows me and dh respect, when we ask him to do things it's Yes momma or ok baba.
He has his moments but overall he is a sweet heart, and he was by far the best baby out of the 3!!!
Ds #2 who is the ripe old age of 30 months tests his limits (like all 2 year olds) but is learning that he cannot just take and snatch things (like cell phones) and that he needs to ask first. Teaching a 2 year old to be patient is HARD. He has a strong will and personality............he put up a fight on things and does not back down!! He is also the most onrey one of the 3, we are trying to break him of his biting, hitting and screaming habits (oye vey that's hard!)
And then DD is one who thinks she needs to stand on a throne. I can honestly say I have never Ever seen anyone so arrogant in my life. This just kills me to even say that
She has this mentality that she is NOT responsible for her actions or bad grades. She will blame the teacher, the kid in front of her and ME and her brothers for her bad grades she got last semester. She is so worried about her that she will just get POed at the very idea that we expect her to act like a 16 year old and HELP around the house ( fold laundry, sweep the floors, empty and reload the dishwasher as needed). She has zero common sense I swear. With a 2 year old it can be daunting for me to keep the house picked up all the time (this is where the other 2 have chores to do) and I will simply ask her "can you help pick up" and she looks at me and asks "well what needs to be done" with the snotty tone!!!! WTH???!!! you can't see that shoes need to be put away, the toys in the living room need to be picked up, the bathroom needs a quick wipe down...............OMG really?!
As for punishments dh and I deal them out and stick by them (or try) DS #1 gets a punishment he does not argue he takes it and realizes that he messed up and is not a repeat offender of said action. BUT with DD she repeats the offense time after time with out learning anything.
DH has taken her little phone away (no smart phone for her at all), she is not allowed to play video games, use her DS, play computer games or go to the mall or store with me because of
#1 her poor grades, she had 2 B+s and 3 D's and 2 c's after finals last week. Which according to her it is MY fault she got those grades not hers.
Sorry to ramble...........if I can , may I pm you sometime, you have such sound level headed advice you are true gem in the world!
Thank you soooo much!! I Needed this pep talk, really I did. our kids are 2 years old, 8 (almost 9 ) and 15 turning 16 in a few weeks.
I admit I am a door mat. I should not be. I really think I have done zero good by being a SAHM. My oldest son shows me and dh respect, when we ask him to do things it's Yes momma or ok baba.
He has his moments but overall he is a sweet heart, and he was by far the best baby out of the 3!!!
Ds #2 who is the ripe old age of 30 months tests his limits (like all 2 year olds) but is learning that he cannot just take and snatch things (like cell phones) and that he needs to ask first. Teaching a 2 year old to be patient is HARD. He has a strong will and personality............he put up a fight on things and does not back down!! He is also the most onrey one of the 3, we are trying to break him of his biting, hitting and screaming habits (oye vey that's hard!)
And then DD is one who thinks she needs to stand on a throne. I can honestly say I have never Ever seen anyone so arrogant in my life. This just kills me to even say that
She has this mentality that she is NOT responsible for her actions or bad grades. She will blame the teacher, the kid in front of her and ME and her brothers for her bad grades she got last semester. She is so worried about her that she will just get POed at the very idea that we expect her to act like a 16 year old and HELP around the house ( fold laundry, sweep the floors, empty and reload the dishwasher as needed). She has zero common sense I swear. With a 2 year old it can be daunting for me to keep the house picked up all the time (this is where the other 2 have chores to do) and I will simply ask her "can you help pick up" and she looks at me and asks "well what needs to be done" with the snotty tone!!!! WTH???!!! you can't see that shoes need to be put away, the toys in the living room need to be picked up, the bathroom needs a quick wipe down...............OMG really?!
As for punishments dh and I deal them out and stick by them (or try) DS #1 gets a punishment he does not argue he takes it and realizes that he messed up and is not a repeat offender of said action. BUT with DD she repeats the offense time after time with out learning anything.
DH has taken her little phone away (no smart phone for her at all), she is not allowed to play video games, use her DS, play computer games or go to the mall or store with me because of
#1 her poor grades, she had 2 B+s and 3 D's and 2 c's after finals last week. Which according to her it is MY fault she got those grades not hers.
Sorry to ramble...........if I can , may I pm you sometime, you have such sound level headed advice you are true gem in the world!
SarahBell..You absolutely can PM me ...any time. It is difficult to raise a difficult kid. I have been there...
Our #2 was nearly going to put me in an early grave...and it took me and hubby to tag team each other through her teen years. We rarely were both up for 100% intervention and handling issues at the same time! She was smarter than the two of us...together...ended up in an ivy league school..and also went on to law school...she could ARGUE!!!
No one does the parent thing 100% right...no matter what they say. It's just that we can't give up on our kids. Ever. And we have to remind each other of that. In spite of it all they are the best thing we do in this world... and we owe the world our best shot. Having other parents to talk to who have navigated the waters of raising difficult kids is a must. Getting a perspective when your head is upside down is necessary.
We need to love our kids enough to let them hate us though...sometimes more often and for longer than we'd like.
Here's a suggestion to get her attention that the world she has created for herself is nearly at the end.
Do you do her laundry?? Hmm..time to stop.COLD Turkey.
Couple things are going to happen..first off..that thing teen girls do where they try on everything they own before going anywhere..and don't hang it back up...? (goes on the floor..then in the laundry cause that's easier..mom will wash/iron etc and rehang...? ) Unh-uh...STOP! When she helps you...you help her. Wait til her clothes are all wrinkled and look like they were on the floor for a week..and OH YES..."you will be going to school..with or with out a wrinkled garment on your back...." Don't give in. You should have her attention at that juncture. Don't raise your voice..even if she richochets off everything in the house!
The more noise she makes the softer you talk. Let her know for every transgression or attempt by her to rebel against and show disrespect, going forward there will be an appropriate follow up. If she swears and has tantrums....warn her the next outburst WILL result in you taking her phone away. She has to earn it back. Warn her of this first in a calm discussion in the 24 hrs following her 1st outburst. Perhaps out to lunch is a good time AND place. I found my daughter behaved better in public so I'd take her to a nice local restaurant where she was likely to enjoy being seen ...and behave. At that time explain the rules...If she forces your hand in this it is not going to be given back based on a few days of turnaround, and will be gone/disconnected. Having a phone is a privilege. And if she loses the phone due to her own inability to control her verbal skill set...she is going to need to prove herself over a L-O-N-N-G time frame. Possibly a month or two. Every setback will start the clock over...and ask her if she feels she needs a counselor? Success with this depends on you having a few choice meaningful (to her) courses of action charted for yourself...You will not react with a knee jerk thought or action when she pulls your chain...and each scenario needs to be simple and straightforward, and tied to ONE behavior only. You will need to do this with each area she is rebelling and not assuming an adult posture on. Perhaps she does need counseling, so research it with your pediatrician or PCP...have a plan ready in case she tells you she would like to talk to someone. Oh...and do not let the counselor tell you/her...that you are wrong. I had to fire a counselor for that once. LOL..My daughter actually said..."I knew you were going to can him after the first week...." After that we didn't bother with the counselor. Later on someone told me having the kid see me do that probably was what straightened her out!!
Do PM me..we went a few long rounds with that kid of ours!!
Hi everyone....haven't posted in weeks now....just got really busy with life around xmas but now I am getting back to a bit of relaxation time for myself.
I haven't had a chance to update my stats yet but as of the WI this morning I have lost 30.8 lbs and 21.5 inches. When I look back at what I had to do to get to this point, it really wasn't that bad. I use to hate salads with any kind of meat in them....now I can't get enough of them. Over the last 2 months and a bit I have tested dishes that me and my hubby will continue to eat even when I have reached my goal. I guess what I am trying to say is that I AM changing....I am not just saying it this time....I feel it.
Thanks yo everyone on this site and others for their support, recipe ideas and stories. It has all helped immensely and will continue to help me get thru the next 30 lbs.
Not sure where to post this question, so I apologize in advance if this isn't the right place
I made the Lebanese salad from the recipe page-wow does it make a lot! It tastes really good, and is definitely an easy way to get the 2 cups of veggies in. My question is regarding the tomatoes-is it okay to eat this salad at both lunch and supper? Should I only eat it once a day? (Don't want to see it go to waste) the list says tomato is an "occasional" veggie, but it's a small amount overall...help please!!!
Jenna, my coach says occasional veggies can only be had twice a week. She also said when you have then you should have the full amount. The reason these veggies are occasional is because they spike blood sugar.
Had weigh in and I guess because I was not feeling well, I expected bad things. Funny how your mood and the way you feel colors things, because it was a good weigh in, 2.5 gone!
You cracked me up! Read that dream post and was asking myself "what, you don't like turtles" when I read your post. I spewed my drink (hot, decaf herbal tea, of course) all over my iPad. Laughter is just what I needed on this cold gloomy night!
Hi everyone....haven't posted in weeks now....just got really busy with life around xmas but now I am getting back to a bit of relaxation time for myself.
I haven't had a chance to update my stats yet but as of the WI this morning I have lost 30.8 lbs and 21.5 inches. When I look back at what I had to do to get to this point, it really wasn't that bad. I use to hate salads with any kind of meat in them....now I can't get enough of them. Over the last 2 months and a bit I have tested dishes that me and my hubby will continue to eat even when I have reached my goal. I guess what I am trying to say is that I AM changing....I am not just saying it this time....I feel it.
Thanks yo everyone on this site and others for their support, recipe ideas and stories. It has all helped immensely and will continue to help me get thru the next 30 lbs.
I loved reading your post fellow Canadian and fellow October 2013 Starter!
I work Saturday and Sunday, and then Monday head to our all inclusive for one week. Looking forward to having and wonderful family holiday. Likely won't be back on blog until for a week or so.
Day 5 and I am working my way through the bag of food sampler pack... It is amazing to me how motivating reading this forum is every night. Tomorrow I am going out for dinner for the first time on plan. I hope I don't screw it up! I think I am in ketosis because of the funny taste in my mouth and endless thirst and slight headache.... could I be right? Thanks everyone!
