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Defeated, devastated, depressed... need help

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Old 03-02-2013, 04:36 PM   #1
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Default Defeated, devastated, depressed... need help

So I just got done with the color run.

Needless to say, I did my best for someone who didn't workout with IP or previously before that. 3.5 miles in 45 minutes. Even did it with a sprained ankle.

But of course I can't enjoy any of this because of my anxiety around the pictures. I'm mad because in my head, the pictures don't reflect how I feel about myself, and then I get depressed because I look so awful. My friends are posting them on facebook, and I spend time untagging myself or begging for them to be taken down.

This has gone on for a while, maybe 4 years now. I know I should let it be my motivation, but in the moment right now, I just want to crawl into a hole and not come out.

Feeling really bad about myself, worried about future losses after seeing my pics and how I'm going to look for Maui. Driving myself in circles about whether or not to workout on IP now because of the pics.

I need someone to shake me out of this stupid mental cycle because I'm not managing my emotions or thoughts very well right now.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 03-02-2013, 04:44 PM   #2
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You should be VERY proud of yourself for running. Pick your head up Girl! I think that's awesome. (:
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Old 03-02-2013, 04:50 PM   #3
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I too think its awesome you did that run!! Don't let the pictures ruin that for you!! Remember we are always our worst critics.
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Old 03-02-2013, 04:54 PM   #4
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Ackkk!!! Slap yourself girl.

If did my first (and only) 5k in 50 minutes and this was after doing the Bikram yoga 30 day challenge and doing the Couch to 5k. I redid C25K, I work with a personal trainer, I'm starting a new running programme and I wouldn't bet anything on hitting a 40 min 5k. I want to be faster!!

Don't stop exercising!! For me this has helped me to love my body. Whatever size it is.

You're getting married??? Please enjoy this time. Don't look back and think "Gah, I wish I'd spent more time having fun and less time hatin' on myself." There will be a lot of cameras. My suggestion is not to look at the pictures if they make you uncomfortable. But whatever you do, don't beg people to take them down. They are sharing them because they think you look great and they like being with you and they want to share the experience and the memory.
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Old 03-02-2013, 05:32 PM   #5
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I agree with the awesomeness of completing the 5k and just remember all of your previous posts about how good you've been feeling and happy about being on IP.

A word of caution though, some of the people posting on here are on 3FCs but not on IP. They don't necessarily understand that IP discourages excercise on P1 due to the glycogen stores. The program is designed the way it is for a reason.

Also don't panic if the scale bumps up a bit for the next day or two. Your muscles are going to be recovering so storing excess fluid.

Stay OP and you won't be worrying about pictures in a couple of months. Next year you can plaster them all over the internet!
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Old 03-02-2013, 05:50 PM   #6
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Okay, so I finally applied for a username just so I could reply to this. My husband is doing an alternative IP program and I've looked through these forums for weeks to help and support him. Your post really spoke to me, though. I'll admit it now - I'm 37 years old, a mom of 2, and usually okay with being around 158 pounds. You know what else? When I do go on the treadmill, I watch a 42-minute show on my laptop and walk around 1.85 miles during that time. Not. Good.

Who's feeling inspired now? ME. BY YOU. Thank you for your post and don't look at the pictures but instead revel in your accomplishments.
erica
p.s. (and thanks to everyone on these forums! we're learning a ton!)
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Old 03-02-2013, 05:54 PM   #7
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Omg I am doing a 5ish Diva Dash in September. I was thinking, um.........an hour or so............

You did great AND you did it newly into the program!!!

You did great!!!!

FWIW: I did a 25mile ride a couple of years ago. pic in my profile I think. I looked like a whale and was so self conscious. I was literally the biggest female who did the ride. but I did it and nothing can take away from that!!

Celebrate your accomplishment!!!
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Old 03-02-2013, 06:02 PM   #8
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3.5mi in 45mins in awesome! They'd be wheeling me to a hospital after that!!

I used to think that the workout/diet thing is hand in hand but I'm really limiting what I do on IP P1 and it has worked well for me! You'll get there, don't worry and when you run next year and the new pics go up on facebook they will all be commenting on how great you look!!
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Old 03-02-2013, 06:18 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SFNinerGirl View Post
So I just got done with the color run.

Needless to say, I did my best for someone who didn't workout with IP or previously before that. 3.5 miles in 45 minutes. Even did it with a sprained ankle.

But of course I can't enjoy any of this because of my anxiety around the pictures. I'm mad because in my head, the pictures don't reflect how I feel about myself, and then I get depressed because I look so awful. My friends are posting them on facebook, and I spend time untagging myself or begging for them to be taken down.

This has gone on for a while, maybe 4 years now. I know I should let it be my motivation, but in the moment right now, I just want to crawl into a hole and not come out.

Feeling really bad about myself, worried about future losses after seeing my pics and how I'm going to look for Maui. Driving myself in circles about whether or not to workout on IP now because of the pics.

I need someone to shake me out of this stupid mental cycle because I'm not managing my emotions or thoughts very well right now.

Thanks for listening.
We ALL have issues with those "before" pictures...I know I did. The first 2 years of my sons life there are no pictures of us together, so sad because I love him more than anything, but there's no proof I even existed! It was a slap in the face to see my IP before picture from my coach (because i have NO pictures of myself) but it IS important to see where we are starting from so you really appreciate how far you came.

One more thing, don't think that working out is going to make things go faster, too high intensity can backfire on you, but a nice, low intensity program can be done to retain some fitness level. There is a scientific reason for keeping it low & slow on IP.

Using myself as an example, my first 8 weeks on IP I walked a very slow 2-2.5 mile loop to the park with my son. Then it got too hot, I stopped walking and I started a light weightlifting class 3x/week (Ive done Bodypump for years, dropped to ~1/2 the weight I did previously and slowly increased as I felt comfortable, but never got huffing, puffing like before). When I reached goal I was immediately able to run 5-miles @ 8-min/mile pace on the treadmill. Even now entering my 2nd trimester I am still running ~20-miles/week & lifting 3x/week, actually did 7-miles this morning!

There is no reason to worry about future losses, if you follow the sheet you WILL lose the weight and it WILL be fat that you lose. Have faith in the program and give yourself a real chance to succeed.
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Started Ideal Protein - Phase 1: 2/28/2012, Phase 4: 9/1/2012
#1:-9lb,-1.19%; # 7:-3lb,-0.55%; *13:-5lb,-0.76%; #18:-2lb,-0.87%; Start Phase2! Start Phase 3!
#2:-6lb,-1.01%; # 8:-3lb,-0.60%; #14:-2lb,-0.48%; #19:-3lb,-0.53%; #1:-0,-0.00%; #1:+1.4lb,+0.82%
*4:-6lb,-0.95%; # 9:-4lb,-0.69%; #15:-.4lb,-0.1%; *21:-3lb,-1.40%; #2:-0,-1.10%; #2:-1.0lb,-0.33%
#5:-5lb,-0.79%; #10:-2lb,-0.50%; #16:-4lb,-0.98%; #22:-5lb,-1.41%
#6:-3lb,-0.57%; #11:-4lb,-0.76%; #17:-2lb,-3.70%; *on travel WI#3,12,20

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Old 03-02-2013, 06:33 PM   #10
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First off, the fact that you even completed the race is such an AMAZING accomplishment! They'd be dragging my sad tush off the track and into an ambulance about a half mile in. Needless to say, i don't run unless i'm being chased and even then i might really weigh the pros and cons of running.

Secondly, i can completely relate to the FB pictures issue. My boss LOVES to post office pictures on FB constantly and typically i look disgusting. The best part is, she tags everyone. I have spent countless hours scouring FB to remove any tags of myself in pictures that don't portray me well.

The main reason i'm on IP today is because of one of those photos. I saw it and started crying. I hadn't realized how big i actually had let myself become until i saw that photo (it also didn't help that the other two girls in the picture are tiny). That feeling of defeat, disgust, anger and sadness that you felt today is all too familiar. Eventually, i'll use that photo as a "before" picture and i'm using it as my motivation to stay OP and get this weight off.

You've already done so well in such a short amount of time. Honestly, your achievement today is an inspiration. While i'll never be a runner, i would like to be able to get in a decent workout without feeling like i need to be resuscitated.

Keep your head up and remember that we're all here for support and to listen. Sometimes we all just need to have our feelings heard.
-Brittany
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Old 03-02-2013, 06:55 PM   #11
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[quote=LizRR;4652680]We ALL have issues with those "before" pictures...I know I did. The first 2 years of my sons life there are no pictures of us together, so sad because I love him more than anything, but there's no proof I even existed! It was a slap in the face to see my IP before picture from my coach (because i have NO pictures of myself) but it IS important to see where we are starting from so you really appreciate how far you came.

OMG this is me!!! There are very few pics of me with my daughter as a baby. It has been done purposely, but it kills me to know she'll have very few pictures of her and her Mom when she was small.
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Old 03-02-2013, 07:05 PM   #12
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Totally understand SFNinerGirl...used to beg friends to take photos down as well. I think Liz RR had good advice...hang in there! I wish I had magic words, but I don't. Keep on program; I'm proud of you for running so well in the race! In a few months, you will catch up physically with how you feel inside.

Until then, ask friends to hold off on the photos until you feel better about your outward appearance (that is what I did).
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Old 03-02-2013, 07:09 PM   #13
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I feel the same about a lot of the info above - other than the motivation to exercise (I'm allergic to that!) BUT I know that you motivated a BUNCH of people by doing your run so be proud. Everytime I see someone who is out jogging/biking/walking even, I think "If THEY can do it, there is no excuse why I can't get my butt out the door..." It motivates me and gives me hope actually. SO although YOU don't know the impact you're having, you are inspiring people around you. We all have those picture issues -- and I have the same problem of being the "photographer". My kids will think their dad was the only one in the house since they were born! sheesh!! However, if you can "embrace" to say "Wow -- look what I did! That's amazing for someone my size!.... I will never be this big again...next year when you see the pics of me..."
We're all big (or were for those who've been on longer) and it's a JOURNEY. You're at the starting line of your IP race and when you cross the finish line, you'll look Waaaay different. Just enjoy that journey and be proud of all you're doing! We sure are proud of you!
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Old 03-02-2013, 07:36 PM   #14
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Awesome job at completing the run. And I say embrace the pictures and use them as motivation to keep OP. I hated and still hate looking at those early pictures. Yes I've cried over them many a time, and probably more in the beginning when my fat loss was also releasing a ton of stored hormones that had my emotions in spirals. However I see them now and see that they don't have to be my future. I have changed myself on this program and I'm proud to realize how different I look like now. Keep taking those pictures too. I wish I had done more frequent progress pictures because it did take me a long time to see the changes in the mirror.
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Old 03-02-2013, 07:48 PM   #15
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I've been OP since the beginning of August and I'm STILL in the obese range. I guess that happens when one has over 100 lbs to lose.

I could let that get me down or I can celebrate the decision I've made, the dedication I have to change, and the success I've had so far.

For me, a huge part of this journey is realism. I have to be real about what I'm eating for the rest of my life, if I am to maintain. I have to be real about what I look like TODAY, no matter how great I feel, my goal is NORMAL weight, not just a smaller obese person. Yes, I celebrate the mini-goals and I know they are all part of the journey. The journey started the day I chose this plan. It won't end when I get to a normal BMI or "goal"...in order to keep it I'll have to be diligent and real and journey-on.

I think it first hit me when MANY other people on this forum had people noticing their 40/50 lbs weight losses but I hadn't heard much from those around me. One day, I realized that no matter that I wasn't morbidly obese (or super morbid, or whatever "they" want to call it), I was still obese and others around me still saw an obese person. I sure felt (feel!) smaller but to others, I'm still obese.

I'm working hard to let out the inner normal-size girl. She has always been in there but I worked hard for years to cover her up (it didn't feel like work). This process takes time, patience, and perseverance but those of us who find a way to stay positive about the process WILL overcome the past and join the maintainers at goal (with WAY better pics)!
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