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Holiday Eating Tips (just kidding!)

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Old 12-20-2012, 07:42 PM   #1
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Default Holiday Eating Tips (just kidding!)

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat.. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Have a great holiday season!!
Merry Christmas !!!


(Copied from a long email chain...sorry I don't know who the author is, but it's not me.)
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Last edited by Fishette : 12-20-2012 at 07:43 PM.
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Old 12-20-2012, 07:52 PM   #2
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Funny!
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Old 12-20-2012, 08:12 PM   #3
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Thanks. DH was howling with laughter.

Molly
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Old 12-20-2012, 09:00 PM   #4
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Loved it!
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Old 12-20-2012, 09:47 PM   #5
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That is GREAT and as I laugh I recall times when I probably DID eat like THAT!
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Old 12-20-2012, 09:51 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shedit View Post
That is GREAT and as I laugh I recall times when I probably DID eat like THAT!
Me, too, especially #7 and #8, and always #10: feeling terrible! Not so this year! Yea!
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Old 12-20-2012, 09:53 PM   #7
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Loved it! Sent to my mom and sister, lol!
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Old 12-20-2012, 10:04 PM   #8
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Quote:
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Me, too, especially #7 and #8, and always #10: feeling terrible! Not so this year! Yea!
Mine are #3 #7 for sure and # 10,
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Old 12-21-2012, 05:45 AM   #9
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Eggnog! (sigh) I wish there was a way to have just a little cup....I really love eggnog. With a nice, iced Santa cookie. Oh, well, there will plenty of that next year, I'm sure!
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Old 12-21-2012, 10:21 AM   #10
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Funny
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Old 12-21-2012, 10:33 AM   #11
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Fishette: Thanks for the funny! Altho I bet some of us could see some former eating behaviors we may or may not want to admit in that "joke"...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cindy56 View Post
Eggnog! (sigh) I wish there was a way to have just a little cup....I really love eggnog. With a nice, iced Santa cookie. Oh, well, there will plenty of that next year, I'm sure!
There was a whole eggnog thread a while back. Click the link to go there. Can't help you with the Santa cookie, tho.

To reframe, I've learned to look forward to my goals and not pine for what I'm "missing" b/c what I'm really missing is nothing...I'm not gonna miss being fat! I'm not gonna miss being in pain. I'm not gonna miss having difficulty moving. I'm not gonna miss low energy. I'm already noticing the changes!

I'll really love being thin, new clothes, more energy, movement with less pain, and more! All I had to give up was _____ (fill in the blank with Santa cookies or whatever!)
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Old 12-21-2012, 11:23 AM   #12
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Too funny to read these now. I couldn't help but think though ( as someone already also noted) that some of them are toooo close to what I used to do. Eek! I could always rationalize that 'Christmas is only once a year' etc. etc.
Thank goodness this past year has changed my mind set. I'll enjoy the festivities and the visiting with family, but my eating will definitely be much more controlled.
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Old 12-21-2012, 12:45 PM   #13
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Funny!! I had to steal it and pass it on...
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Old 12-21-2012, 12:58 PM   #14
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This is great - thanks for the laugh and look back at previous behaviors!

Have a Merry Christmas everyone.
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Old 12-21-2012, 01:02 PM   #15
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Thanks for the laughs, Fishette! I'll be thinking of this as I stand over the table at our family feast...hope I don't burst out laughing as I see some of this in action right before my eyes

And Lisa, yet another wise and encouraging Lisa-ism to add to my list
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