Funny you mention the cleaning out the closet thing...I did that this weekend and part of me was scared to let them go. My coahc on Friday said throw them out that way if you gain any weight you will be forced to get back on for a couple days/weeks so that your clothes fit properly. I like the idea of having only the current size that I want to be at hanging in the closet. Its another form of accountability.
Haha, I went through the same thing this weekend. I don't wear jeans too often so when I went through my closet to try to not wear the same pair twice in a row, I discovered that none of them fit. It was pretty drastic and I hadn't had a moment like that since I started. So I put them all on the bed and went to get a garbage bag to get rid of them- then I sat there and hemmed and hawed about whether to really toss them. And then I didn't because I was scared to! Reading this has inspired me to get rid of them after all.
I've changed my mental reply to this a few times today. Here is where I am now. -I think it is much kinder than my initial takeaway.
It is very hard, but I want to try to give people I care about the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they are scared to see me "fail" again, maybe they are worried for my health, maybe they want me to be healthy but don't want to feel they are watching me be deprived, maybe they only think they are informed.
Regardless, if I can give them the benefit of the doubt, even if the past indicates they don't deserve it, I won't be as hurt by them -And if I am not as hurt, I won't be as irrational, and if I am not as irrational, I am less likely to want to self-harm, and if I am less likely to self-harm, I probably won't be cheating.
So, I think I want to try to respond with positivity, not criticizing their words, whether they deserve it or not, whether it is truth or not. But instead, sharing my experience, "I really appreciate your concern. I am grateful for that. Especially right now when I am doing something that takes so much commitment. I went into this getting fully informed and I am committed to making it happen. What I need most is support from people who care. Someone who can prop me up when I am feeling down. Someone who can build me up when they see my progress. I am lucky to have you here caring about me. I'd like to ask you to be my support buddy, so that when I doubt myself, you won't. When I want to cheat, you'll remind me why not to, when I am hurt by other's words, you'll believe in me. Can you do that for me?"
Of course, it could fall flat on it's face. But lots of times, I think people like to feel included.
Just a thought!
Regardless, we are all your support buddies, so don't let the naysayers win. You are stronger than that! Just look at your progress....
Last edited by libertybelle; 12-03-2012 at 04:56 PM.
What I have found is that some people just wait for you to fail and want you to fail at things you are doing that they can not or are not willing to do themselves because if you do it validates why they never tried in the first place. That being said some people are just a**holes and like to put others down either directly or in a underhanded way (like a compliment followed my a negative comment). What has always helped me is just proving them wrong. We are never going to change everyones opinion but that is all it is an opinion.
Get support from us, vent to us, support us as we need it and WE WILL ALL PROVE THEM WRONG!!
When someone tells us something about themselves, we immediately recall another event similar. Like I would meet a friend who has cancer, and I would immediately think of all my friends and my father who died from cancer. It is hard not to say anything. It is like I know something of what they are going through, and I want to share that relationship, but I know I shouldn't because of the loss.
This also happens when you find out a friend is pregnant and you instantly recall your other friend who has a premie or a tragic event in her pregnancy. You want to say something as a warning, but you know they don't really need to hear it.
We recall the sad story of the friend who lost the weight only to gain it back, or the one who became anorexic and died of a heart attack at the age of 30, when we learn of another friend who is on a diet.
Some people are just better at keeping their thoughts to themselves. Others feel the need to verbalized every thought that pops in their head. It's just the funny way people are. They don't mean anything by it, they're just saying...
When someone tells us something about themselves, we immediately recall another event similar. Like I would meet a friend who has cancer, and I would immediately think of all my friends and my father who died from cancer. It is hard not to say anything. It is like I know something of what they are going through, and I want to share that relationship, but I know I shouldn't because of the loss.
This also happens when you find out a friend is pregnant and you instantly recall your other friend who has a premie or a tragic event in her pregnancy. You want to say something as a warning, but you know they don't really need to hear it.
We recall the sad story of the friend who lost the weight only to gain it back, or the one who became anorexic and died of a heart attack at the age of 30, when we learn of another friend who is on a diet.
Some people are just better at keeping their thoughts to themselves. Others feel the need to verbalized every thought that pops in their head. It's just the funny way people are. They don't mean anything by it, they're just saying...
I think probably the majority of the comments made this way are like you suggest.
Unfortunately, there are those folks who for their own misguided reasons, aren't happy to see others working hard to acheive their goals... and will try to sabotage them. For whatever reason. Sometimes they themselves aren't even aware of the reason behind their snarky comments/actions. I'm generally a pretty upbeat, positive person - but I truly believe that unfortunately there are such people out there.
Hey,
I know how this is....especially with family! Some of my family is super supportive and I love them for it! My skinny mini sister on the other hand is not. Two weeks ago she told me that i would cheat atleast twice before Christmas! Then she eats foods around me and looks at me smiles and laughs....
If that were my sister, I'd bake her up a nice batch of ex-lax cookies.
I think fishette has the right idea, ppl just don't think about what their saying much. I play this katt williams clip when I'm feeling down about negativity tho, it always makes me laugh: (warning bad language) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7z_ztMxBgk
Hey everyone thankks for the comments,
They make me smile
It is true we do have a huge sibiling rivalry going, has been happening all our lives, so that will never change.
I just get mixed messages one minute she says that stuff from earlier, and then the next its like, "oh my goodness your doing so great!", then its is back to square one again.
I know it can be terrible to down talk your family, but really I can't just jump on a treadmil and run 15 minutes straight at a fast run like she can, and eat what ever I want...I have brought this up lots of times, and I just get 'well run longer and slower then'...its like *thanks tips*
We use to be the same size when we were in high school, and usually borrowed clothes.Now I am a 22 now and she is a 10.
I have tried the whole confrontation things, she gets in a whole huff about it, and either laughs or b*tches .
Oh well I guess...I just keep saying I will look FABULOUS in 1 year
Sorry again for the length.
Ps. The cookies sound like an excellent idea
I'm sorry about what she said but honestly I think she was just worried about YOU and wanted you to keep it off.
Family should always support you, and I think she was trying (it may have been rude but I'm sure she meant it in a helpful way)
My grandma is the exact same, she hurt my feelings one too many times (mostly about my weight) I know she's worried but it still irks me... so I don't talk to her (I might go see her in a couple years once I lose some weight and then laugh at her)
Not literally...but I sure showed her wrong!
And you will too, good luck and keep with it
I'm sure the weight won't come back and if you notice it coming back that just means it's time to get moving some more, back to eating a bit better, etc.
I think fishette has the right idea, ppl just don't think about what their saying much. I play this katt williams clip when I'm feeling down about negativity tho, it always makes me laugh: (warning bad language) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7z_ztMxBgk
Dang, I better hustle before the summer gets here!
I have downers and food pushers all around me, but I'm proud of what I've done and so should you! It's all in what YOU want for yourself. I just ignore people who have nothing nice to say.
I always use to think that people had good intentions, just bad word choices. I was proven wrong when a group of Scout Leaders decided that they would punish my son for being a high achiever. I made every excuse in the book I could for the adults from "well, he is losing his job, just ignore him" to "you must have misunderstood him because I spoke to them and they said they would stop" etc and on for four years. Yes, I was stupid to not see the pattern before piling the stories into one document. Anyway...I think it was Dr. Phil that said something like "the best predictor of someone's future behaviour is their past behaviour" and "believe people when they tell you who they are". We need to eliminate the need for validation from people who poison us against ourselves. If we want to change we can change without the permission of others.
Reading this has inspired me to get rid of them after all.
