So, I've been following the Ideal Protein program for about 3 weeks and I had done very well up until now. This weekend has been a terrible weekend of cheating and I feel incredibly guilty. Yesterday my good friend had a HUGE Super Mario birthday party for her 6 year old twins. There were TWENTY FIVE KIDS!!!!! She enlisted me and my husband to help which we didn't mind. She knows about my diet and said she would make sure there was something I could eat. It all started with a gigantic 3 tiered marble cake with homemade ice cream.......I resisted. Then there was 5 big bowls of chips........I resisted. Then she made pizza...... and again I resisted. After all of the parents picked up their kids she made me a salad and I ate it with my Walden Farms dressing I had brought along in preparation. At this point the men and children sat in the living room and watched a movie while she drove a friend home. I told her I would start to tackle the dishes while she was gone. I walked into the kitchen and there it was....... several pieces of pepperoni pizza staring back at me. I resisted at first and did some dishes but that stupid pizza just kept calling my name. I ate one piece and felt horrible about it and then I went ahead and had another. (SO STUPID!!) When she came back we visited for a bit and I didn't tell her that I had cheated, I felt to embarrassed.
After a little while my family and I went home and after the kids went to bed my husband said he was going out for a bit. There I found myself in the kitchen looking through the cupboards and the fridge for anything I could get my hands on. And then I ate some left over shepards pie (with a lot of mashed potatoes) I ended up feeling so disgusting and full and bloated and regretted it immensely.
This morning I woke up and thought to myself, today is a new day and I'm going to forget about what happened last night. I confessed to my daughter and my husband that I had cheated and my husband didn't really say much (as usual) but my daughter seemed really disappointed. The whole day went well. I took my kids to the circus and resisted the popcorn, candy apples, cotton candy, nachos.......... and I ate my southwest cheese curls and I was fine. We even went to McDonalds afterwards and I just got a piece of grilled chicken and some lettuce and tomato....... I felt great about my choices and I felt like maybe I had strength to do this after all.
Then my daughter was having a sleepover and they "needed chips" so we stopped and picked some up. I even got myself some beef jerky so that I wouldn't be tempted to eat the chips and I would have my own snack to enjoy. When we got home I tidied up and got the girls all settled in to watch a movie and as soon as I ripped open those ketchup chips I knew it was all over. I stood in the kitchen alone and inhaled the most delicious chips ever while , once again feeling incredibly guilty.
I don't get it, I've lost 15 pounds and I've been feeling great. Why am I sabotaging myself? Maybe part of the problem is that my coach was away this weekend so I didn't have my regular scheduled weigh in. She is really motivating and I usually go home exited to work really hard to get more results. I want this more than anything (except pizza and chips apparently) and I don't know why I can't keep myself on track. I need to make a change in my life and for some reason I just can't stop myself. What's wrong with me. Even while I sit here typing this I'm thinking about how much I want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Help me!!! Maybe I'm just not ready for this.......but will I ever be?
I'm sorry this post is so incredibly long but I really needed to get all of this off my chest. Has any one else experienced something like this or am I just weak?