I'm sure most people won't recognize me, but I was a semi-active member here from 2010 to 2013. On April 4th 2012, I made a post in the mini-goal section when I officially met my original goal of losing 100 lbs (LINK
). I had held off from making a Goal post, since I wanted to lose at least 5 more pounds. My feelings are now more refined. I feel like I did hit Goal that day and that 150 will always be my red line. I've been lower then I am right now (down to 135 for a very short time) and higher (up to 157 during some hard times), and I've determined that 150 is the true line between where I feel comfortable and where I don't. I decided to make this post because I felt I owed it to myself and that I deserved to feel like I did reach my goal, even as I create new goals for the future.
In the past three years, I feel like I've learned a lot. I've learned about my body, my mental health, my eating, and my self esteem. Sometimes its been easy, and sometimes is been really hard (I had at least one freak out here on the maintenance board). For me, caring for my mental health is one of the big keys to maintaining my weight. (I had gained 50 lbs in a year while I struggled with anxiety and depression.) If I'm in a good, or at least decent, state of mind, things generally fall into place. I've learned that I have to protect my mind first, even if that means being up 5 lbs for a few months, and that being up 5 lbs for a while isn't a huge deal if I don't let it be.
I've also learned that my body can do amazing things. I've run a 10K and had my best squat at 225 lbs for 3 reps. Getting into weightlifting throughout 2014 has been awesome, and a big part of why I feel okay about going from the upper 130s to upper 140s. I do still struggle sometimes about if I should try to be leaner. I love the look of defined muscles on women, but I think I need to figure out if that desire to be leaner is real or if I feel like I'm supposed
to want to be thinner. For right now, at least, I've decided to focus on my fitness goals and eating an a way that is healthy and makes me happy. I still weigh a couple times a week and I try to pay attention to how my clothes fit, since it helps me be mindful of my habits. Luckily, almost all of my clothes feel just at comfortable at 147 as they did at 137, except for a few things that were suuuper tight to begin with
. Who knows where I'll be in another year, but I feel like as long as I let myself be flexible, caring, forgiving, and encouraging with myself, I should be okay. Thanks for reading