Day 445, March 25th 2014.
I made it!
I climbed on the scales this morning and viola, there it was, the number 59.9 staring up at me.
It's been a long journey and I put it on hold a few times because either I got too distracted or hated exercising (usually the latter) lol
Thank you to everyone that helped by giving me advice and kept me focused! This isn't the end for me because I still want to have a flat stomach once in my life (bucket list/personal goal/challenge to do more).
I still remember that day when I stood on the scales and saw 89.9 kgs staring back at me. That was definitely the lowest point in my life. When I was in my late teens, I watched a programme with my Nana and Mum one evening and it showed a large woman that couldn't tie her shoe or even move around. I said: "If I ever get like that, shoot me because I won't be useful to myself or anyone else". For me, 100kgs was that point of no return. So, when I saw the scales creeping up and up to 90kgs, I was, pretty much, counting down the days. I told my partner and we started doing something about it. First, by cutting out takeaways and bread and then exercise.
We bought a X-Trainer and I used that for 30 mins every 2-3 days (I'm still inconsistent!) and I noticed a change in the mirror, but the scales were more important so I gave that up. Fortunately, cutting back on the bread from 6 pieces a day to 1 a day (2 every 2 days) was bringing my weight down. After a month, I was down 5kgs with that alone.
And then the fertility clinic came along. Sitting in the appointment, I heard some things that were very hard to hear. My doctor said that they wouldn't even consider me until I got my BMI down to 32. I was 34 (close to 35, I think) at the time and I felt like a failure. For 5 years I had been dreaming, crying myself to sleep at night and wishing so hard that I could have a little boy to hold in my arms, watch grow, teach values and see blossom into the person he wanted to be. Hearing that might not be a possibility because I'd let myself go... The next few nights were long. However, I picked myself up and over the Christmas/New Year period, I stayed within a 1kg gain (amazing for me!) and when the holiday was over, I got straight into healthy eating and exercising.
In NZ, an advertisement stated that for '30 minutes a day, you've got to push play', so I based my exercise around that. Let's face it, I will always be lazy and choose the couch over going outside. Always. However, I pushed myself and forced my goal to the forefront of my mind. Each time I felt like giving up, I told myself that my goal was more important. I even had a theme song: No Way But The Hard Way by Airbourne that I played each time things got hard.
At first, I couldn't even fast walk for 100 metres without puffing. I took it slow and maintained a pace that would get me across the finish line. It was a little faster than a stroll lol I ate more salad veges. Felt like I was dying (yes, I'm a bit of a drama queen :P), but I stuck with it, even though I lost 0kgs in the first month. By the time my next fertility appointment came at the end of Feb, I was down to 78kgs, from 80.9. That's the day I found out I had PCOS and that losing weight was going to be harder than gaining it. I was a little peeved too because I'd had a laparoscopy to find out why my TOM was so sore and they found NOTHING...
Anyway, my doctor must have seen something in me that day because even though I was not yet 32 BMI, he said that I didn't need the monthly phone calls to check on my weight.
By the time our counselling session came, I was 75kgs. When we left her office, I made a promise that the next time she sees me in her office, I was going to be 60kgs. Doubt was in her return expression and I promised myself I was going to prove her wrong. So, I started running. It was hard at first and fortunately I have a bike track oval across the road so I had a safe place off the road. I started by running one lap per 30 mins, then 2, then 3, etc, when I felt I was ready. One day I thought, screw this I'm going to run the whole 30 mins and see how I go. Beyond all my belief, I ran it EASILY! When I say easy, I mean that I was still tired by the end, but I wasn't collapsing or anything "overdone".
I kept running, got faster, fitter and played around with my speed a bit. A suggestion was made to participate in the 6km Fun Run in November (Round the Bridges), so I prepared for that, but kept doing my own thing. My weight kept falling steadily at 2kgs per month. I was calorie counting and both MyFitnessPal and RunKeeper had become my best friends. Music is my BFF, so I've always had that plugged into my ears keeping me going and distracting me from my negative self-talk. It could get pretty bad sometimes.
Another suggestion came that I should leave my track, my comfort zone, and run the streets. I thought the track was awesome.. I've only exercised there once since my first day on the road. For the first time in my life, I found myself thinking "I love running" followed by "WTH, did I just say that?"
A month before the fun run, I managed to run 12kms. I must admit, I had a pretty good distraction in the form of shirtless soccer players.
As things tend to happen with me (start strong, finish weak), after my fun run (see sig), I kind of lost interest in the whole thing. I was down to 68kgs, the scales didn't seem to move, I was over it. I kept running, but it was only 4-6kms and I didn't want to push myself. Over Christmas, I was 66kgs, did a couple of challenging runs (though the 8km over mostly flat ground, from one town to another, was so easy I practically sprinted the end!). I stagnated and by Feb this year, I had stopped running and caring. I think I was down to 64kgs.
At the beginning of this month, my partner and I went to a nutritionist. After getting a metaphorical slap in the face and told to clean my act up, I've gotten back into it. He weighed me at 62.2kgs and today, after almost a month of following his strict dieting and exercise plan, I've reached my initial goal set last Christmas. I feel great, more confident in myself, ready for motherhood (my IVF date is May) and I'm aiming to get to the nutritionists goal of 53kgs in the next 8 weeks. I know my body and I'm sceptical, but I can do this! I can't wait to see the look on the faces of my doctor and counsellor
If there was anything motivation-like I want to pass on to whomever is reading this, it would be:
- Follow your dreams because, most of the time, you're the only one that wants you to reach them. I lost the weight all on my own, exercised alone, ate healthy foods alone (while my partner occasionally bought fish and chips, KFC, etc). I also had no compliments about my weight loss until I'd dropped 15kgs.
- Women: get a good bra! If you're busty like me, it'll alleviate back pain and reduce the bouncing lol
- Tell that negative self-talk who's boss! Get a theme song, write happy post-it notes and put them where you'll see them, keep a diary, remember it's okay to have a bad day or month. When runs get tough for me, I do a number of things: when I start feeling tired, e.g., after 3kms, then I do half more, 4.5km, and ask myself if I can keep going. Typically I do. I also remember that even though I'm feeling tired now, I'll recuperate within an hour so
(because I'm hard on myself due to my tenancy to quit easily) stop being a baby about it and keep going
Edit: Here's the picture from my previous post in the mini-goals thread (yep, that's me in Hobbiton--it's just up the road from where I live). I'll add an updated one once I've taken it. I plan to wear the same shirts in the first two photos to show the difference