I haven't had the chance to post since, but on Saturday I finally reached my goal. I went from 135.5 to 134.5 and I have been under 135 since, which is crazy and exciting. I haven't weighed this little since I was 19 years old.
I gained a bunch of weight when I was around 20 from depo provera and then from there, it just kept packing on. At my maximum, I was 255, but generally I stuck around 244. When I got pregnant 5 years ago, I got gestational diabetes and after I had the baby, because I was so overweight, it just stuck around as a nice type two. I tried and tried to lose weight, but I would lose and just gain it right back. I know now that a lot of that was due to blood sugar issues, but it was very frustrating. I tried to get gastric bypass and went through the whole program only to have my health insurance deny it because my BMI was a hair too low. After that, I tried again and again and would succeed for a little while and then bounce right back up. After 13+ years of being overweight, I was really starting to wonder if I would ever be able to do this.
I saw an ad for a study for people with type two diabetes who had a BMI between 35-39.9, who wouldn't typically be contenders for weight loss surgery. The study randomized you and you either got gastric bypass, lap band, or intensive Biggest Loser style interventions. I signed up, was accepted, and got randomized for gastric bypass. I had my surgery on 5/13/10, 3 days after I (finally) graduated from college.
I know that surgery isn't for everyone and I still get anxious that people are going to judge me for it. I was (and still am) a little worried that my goal post is not as good as other people who did it "the old fashioned way." But the surgery is really the best thing that ever happened to me. My diabetes was cured basically immediately. The first two weeks were the hardest of my life, but after I was able to move from clear liquids to soft foods, it just got easier and easier. It was a miracle not to have those crazy, low blood sugar starvation modes that would inevitably drive me to overeat. I eat healthfully and enjoy my food now. Since I can't eat a lot, it's really important to me that my food is ACTUALLY good, and not just filling some emotional need for vacant calories. I've been really fortunate and have had basically zero side effects. I have a little bit of loose skin and my body isn't perfect, but I'm working on it and I'm okay with it.
I guess the biggest thing is that I finally feel like myself again. I don't feel like I'm wrapped up in some stranger's body, always trying to prove that I'm better than my physical appearance. I'm just generally happier and I don't feel like I have to overcome people's preconceived notions about me. I feel healthy. I am able to play with my daughter and I don't feel exhausted all the time. Life is good. And for me, it was worth the sacrifices that came with it. Surgery wasn't my first resort, but it was right for me when the time came.