[yumsoup]

Oh, my apologies Locke & Palestrina! I wasn't trying to start an argument lol, I was just explaining my interpretation of some aspects of both methods and why I believe the principles in BoB might be more effective for some people in case IE isn't enough for them. Not necessarily trying to pit them against each other one on one, especially since I follow a lot of the principles of IE too so I'm definitely not trying to trash it altogether. Like you said, Locke, usually not one single thing will be the answer for everyone and it also depends on the persons own ED/dieting history. My approach is actually a slurry of both IE aspects and BoB aspects that seem to fit me & my history the best after lots of trial and error.

My take was that quite a few people doing IE were still struggling in some ways so I tried to point out why that might be, esp. since at one point I was still struggling despite thinking IE had all the answers. So anything I have to say about BoB is to help those who are having problems with IE and might benefit from it. DEFINITELY not to stop anyone who's doing a purely IE approach and its working smoothly for them. This isn't my cult or religion or anything, I'm not trying to coerce people to take my side just for the heck of it lol. Anyone who doesn't benefit from my posts is free to ignore them. But I'd be glad to help anyone who they do resonate with.

[Palestrina]

Originally Posted by yumsoup

Oh, my apologies Locke & Palestrina! I wasn't trying to start an argument lol, I was just explaining my interpretation of some aspects of both methods and why I believe the principles in BoB might be more effective for some people in case IE isn't enough for them. Not necessarily trying to pit them against each other one on one, especially since I follow a lot of the principles of IE too so I'm definitely not trying to trash it altogether. Like you said, Locke, usually not one single thing will be the answer for everyone and it also depends on the persons own ED/dieting history. My approach is actually a slurry of both IE aspects and BoB aspects that seem to fit me & my history the best after lots of trial and error.

My take was that quite a few people doing IE were still struggling in some ways so I tried to point out why that might be, esp. since at one point I was still struggling despite thinking IE had all the answers. So anything I have to say about BoB is to help those who are having problems with IE and might benefit from it. DEFINITELY not to stop anyone who's doing a purely IE approach and its working smoothly for them. This isn't my cult or religion or anything, I'm not trying to coerce people to take my side just for the heck of it lol. Anyone who doesn't benefit from my posts is free to ignore them. But I'd be glad to help anyone who they do resonate with.

They do resonate with me, that's why I would really enjoy a bob thread.

[Pinkhippie]

I have read the BOB and the IE threads with much interest. I can see how they both have powerful uses but in my experience, BOB was useless without intuitive eating. I think its a great idea to make a separate BOB thread.

So, I have been working on my self image/ self esteem. I have been exercising and feeling really good about myself. My mom is visiting and we got into a discussion of a "strapping" woman she was friends with when I was little. Also talked about how they never thought she would get married because she was "strapping" and everyone was surprised when she did.

She said something like "you think YOU are strapping..." I said, " I think I am athletic. Tall and broad shouldered with muscle. " Because I am. And then she says that I look just like my aunt (who she always told me was voluptuous and she needed to be careful of her weight and I took after her so I needed to be careful of my weight. ) and then she goes on about how my aunt looked like the women in the paintings. (raphaelite) really white, soft and rounded.

It seriously felt like a kick in the gut. I am so healthy looking and feeling right now. Im not soft and rounded. I want to cry into a pan of brownies. But in reality I feel sick to my stomach. I know from past experience I won't eat until I am alone. I am almost a 40 year old woman and I need to get over caring what preconceived notions my mom has about how I look and my body. I can't believe it hurts this much. I really hope I do not unconsciously do this to my daughters.

Thanks for listening. I am just trying to cope with these old issues that sound pretty stupid typed out.

Eta: Just coming here and typing this out helped me feel better and see the issue as what it really is. I was able to get over it and enjoy my mom's visit. She loves me and she talks about how beautiful I am and how good I look today and I know she means it. It's crazy how she can't hear what comes out of her mouth regarding weight. I know she gets it from my grandma though. I remember when I visited her one summer and I guess I was going through a growth spurt as I ate quite a bit more than usual. I still remember her saying " We are going to have to roll you on to the plane". hah hah. Its amazing how these little comments can sting and last.

[Palestrina]

Pinkhippie it's good to see you here, you visit us so little lately I think we can all relate to the power of our Mother's words. After all she is our everything for most of our life growing up. We hang on her every word, she is the model we have for who we may be when we grow up. But part of growing up is learning now to separate our identity from our Mother. I have struggled with some of these same issues and I feel like I"m in a good place now with my mother where I can hear what she says without letting it affect me.

Getting there though required a great deal of compassion for her. Eventhough I would classify my Mother as an intuitive eater all her life and she's always been thin, fit and healthy, she is not immune to the diet mentality. In fact many intuitive eaters are susceptible to the diet mentality from what I see, they can't help it when every magazine lectures us about the best way to shed 10lbs by summer and the ideal beauty is constantly reinforced in the media. So be compassionate that our mothers fall prey the diet mentality, perhaps in a different manifestation than us.

For me it's important to call my Mother out on all the little remarks she makes. Truly I believe that women are conditioned to be critical of each other. We are pinned against eachother and the only way to stop it is if we step up and stop it. So for example if I hear my mother make a comment about any woman in our lives (aunt, cousin, friend) I stop it. She might say "wow, Mary gained a bunch of weight since last year" I immediately tell her "you don't know what she's going through, she hasn't committed a crime, let's not judge her. She's still beautiful and she was really there for you when you were going through a hard time last year." I always try to demonstrate compassion towards people and I believe it is contagious. I cannot tolerate gossip and body bashing of other people. I actually feel very empowered when I stand up for a woman.

Can you try doing something similar? Like when you hear your mother talking about your strapping aunt, can you put a stop to it and defend your aunt not only in appearance but in character? The more we talk about a person's character the more obvious it becomes that focusing on outer appearances is petty. Defending other women also gives you language to start defending yourself eventually so that you are not constantly being knocked down by these comments.

[Pinkhippie]

Hi Palestrina!

I often do read but don't comment. Sometimes I feel like I either have nothing to say or that what I say will be negative. I feel kind of boring just typing about how I eat when Im hungry. lol Thank you though.

Thank you for your thoughts about my mom and your understanding and empathy. My husband told me much the same and I know you are both right. I have a very hard time standing up to either parent really and setting boundaries. I have gotten better with my mom but when it comes to my physical appearance and those little slicy comments she makes I still am not there yet. I know that that is a priority and Im going to work on it. I have been so protective of my mom and my family in general I guess I tend to be the one that lays on the grenade for them, so to speak. I have a lifetime of conditioning to overcome but I am working on it. That is a great idea to start by speaking up for others. I know that would be easier for me to begin with. Still a big deal, but easier. I will do that next time a situation like that arises.

I am happy to say that I did not dive into a pan of brownies. I shared a giant homemade cookie with my husband and enjoyed every bite. Usually after I see my mom I become more of an eating machine, just nibbling bits of food here and there and that didn't happen this time. I think seriously just coming here and typing out how I was feeling while I was in the thick of feeling it helped a LOT. Yay for progress!

I have really been coming to a better place with exercise lately. I realized a little bit ago that exercise is self care and I have a REALLY hard time taking care of myself. Once I made that connection, something has clicked and I now take the time to exercise in some way almost every day. I enjoy exercise and I love taking care of myself in that way, I guess I just had a block because I have to put myself first and make my needs top priority to get the time to exercise and I am still working on that.

yesterday my husband and I rode 10 miles with the kids in the bike trailer and it was so awesome! I loved having the strength to do that and the ability to push myself more. I look forward to building even more strength and getting out there and seeing what else I can do. I know I couldn't have done that if I hadn't been exercising regularly and taking care of myself these past few weeks.

[beginme]

Wow. So much has happened since I last posted. I do want to say that IE has been the game changer for me.

I realize no one plan is for everyone, but IE is the one for me.

A separate BoB thread sounds like a great idea!

[Palestrina]

What is SMART recovery?

[Locke]

SMART is a recovery program that competes with AA.

http://www.smartrecovery.org/resourc...aboutsmart.htm

It's based on recognizing and fighting urges to engage in addict behavior as they arise.

[Pinkhippie]

Today I had a very stressful situation arise with a family member. It is ongoing, not sure where the end will be. Lots and lots of complex sad emotions. I felt pretty sick most of the day and didn't eat much. For dinner I ate a very small helping of the dinner I had made. Then I stopped and waited. I knew that what I really wanted was ice cream and cookies. After I got the kids in bed I made myself a big bowl of ice cream with a giant cookie and some chocolate sauce and I ate it and enjoyed every bite. I also ate a granola bar and I could tell I didn't really want it but I ate it anyway. Not sure why I did that. However. I feel pretty good. I didn't overeat. I don't feel guilty. my stomach doesn't hurt. I didn't switch into my usual mode of now that I ate THAT, I will eat all the things until I hurt and then eat more. It's amazing how long it takes to overcome that. I just wanted to share an IE victory of sorts. I can't tell you how good I feel all the way to my toes. Usually I just tried to not feel guilty but I really did which led to me eating more than my body needed. I still have my stressful situation with my family member and I really wanted ice cream but I didn't feel like I was emotionally eating so screw it, Im going to eat it all. Know what I mean? It was a very significant shift and Im excited about it. I hope someone understands, it sounds kind of silly typed out. I am re reading Beyond Chocolate and it is really helping.

[Palestrina]

Thanks for clarifying Locke. OA scares me.

Pinkhippie that doesn't sound silly at all. The work we do in IE is slow but when the pay off comes its big! So glad you're not bogged down in guilt.

[Pinkhippie]

Thanks Palestrina, it IS slow but the changes are life changing and lasting. It does take patience though, that is for sure. I have gotten to the point where I can hear what my body is saying, just have a hard time actually following what its telling me sometimes. It's strange how much I want to eat sometimes even when my body physically doesn't need it. Fortunately the less often that happens, the more noticeable it becomes when I do eat when Im not really hungry and I become more aware and can choose whether to eat or not.

[Georgette]

Hi All,
I haven't caught up on this entire thread, but it is so great to know this is here! I'm signing on to 3FC again after 10+ years of OA work. I just got tired of the meetings, the feeling that I wasn't "working hard enough" etc etc.

I'm so tired of food and weight being central in my life! And I'm tired of regaining, which I have done since reintroducing all my restricted foods. It's confusing, but the concepts of EI for learning intuitive portioning resonate with me. I just wanna be normal here!

Glad you are here. Hope to become active on this board.

[Pinkhippie]

Welcome Georgette! It's great to see you here! IE for me has definitely been the key to "normal" eating.

So, I still have this thing going on with my family member. I am still super tense, super anxious, and I feel like my heart is racing and I want to jump out of my skin. I can't stop thinking about all the things surrounding it and I just want to feel ok and for these feelings to go away. I realized that in the past, this would be PRIME eating time. If I ate, these feelings would go away. I would start focusing on the food, and how it made me feel, and if I should eat that, and in the past, maybe another diet to go on. But today, I am not eating. I COULD eat but I don't want to. Im not hungry and all that cookie sugar yesterday was too much for me. Today I have eaten nothing but protein type stuff because I haven't wanted anything grainy or sweet. Anyway, what can I fill the hole with? How can I feel better? It's interesting to realize what power food has had to help me. wow. I just want to get out of my head for a little bit. meditating kind of seems to do the opposite for me and makes my heart race even more. I have a call in to my closest friend but she is busy and probably can't talk until Sunday. I have talked to my husband a LOT but it doesn't make this feeling go away. Oh well, if nothing else this is a great learning experience.

[Palestrina]

Pinkhippie, have you tried sitting with this feeling and trying to feel it as intensely as possible? I've been having good luck doing this, experiencing the feeling like a wave washing over me. Sit at the edge of the water and don't fight the wave, let it consume you entirely and embrace it out of curiosity rather than fear. Don't try to control it.

I'm reading "Eating by the Light of the Moon" right now and trying to take this message in. I'm realizing that my feelings are not something to be afraid of, they come and go and can't be controlled, only our actions can be controlled but not our feelings. The only thing our feelings demand of us is to be felt.

[Pinkhippie]

Yikes to be honest Palestrina that sounds TERRIFYING. So, that probably means its something I need to do. I have been an emotion supressor my whole life, its how I survived my very dysfunctional childhood. I have been working hard on getting better about feeling emotions but I guess I still regard them as something scary and something I want to go away. I will try this. I also am going to check out eating by the light of the moon. I think my library has it. Thanks.