[Palestrina]

I also feel guilty when my meals aren't balanced, it's a constant struggle to forgive myself for what I eat. It is getting easier though, I used to believe that I didn't deserve to eat and that's changed.

I get so much inspiration out of jodie spinardi. She's really funny and makes a lot of sense to me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPcySDVHMzg I've been watching one of her videos daily and it's helping me get through this difficult time that I'm having with IE. I've been having inticing thoughts about restriction lately (it's always those freakin carbs!), and this is helping me keep my wits about me.

[cowgal]

I like Josie Spinardi too. I read the "Overfed Head" and started reading "Intuitive Eating" (all recommended by Wannabeskinny...good recommendations by the way) but it is a much slower read and things have been crazy here with work and my father-in-law being in the hospital since the last week of August. I finally broke down and got Josie's book (another good Wannabeskinny rec) on my Android. I really wish she had a hard copy so I could highlight it and refer back to it easier but it is also easy to read it since it is right with me on my phone.

I find myself tempted to see what WW will unveil for the new year, if there will be a better plan but I keep reminding myself that while I had some good success with the old points plan, the points plus plan was a disaster for me and if the old plan was so great, why did I gain the weight back and then some. It is that age old dieting trap. I tell myself I'll get a jump start with WW and then get back to trying to learn IE. Then I remind myself of everything I've been reading lately on IE that pretty much says all those thoughts are the dieter's traps. I just need to continue to read more and getting better with putting IE principals to work. I was doing pretty well but have been a little derailed but have noticed my binging is way less than it used to be and I do like that I don't have the stress of "what can I eat on this plan" since it doesn't restrict you to "oh, I am truly physically hungry but I can only eat a vegetable or a piece of fruit because I only have 5 points left for the rest of the day". I for one have found that if I am physically hungry protein has to figure into the equation because it seems to satisfy the hunger for longer. A piece of fruit with some protein works fine but a piece of fruit leaves me hungry quickly. I also find that I have to have breakfast shortly after getting up in the morning and if I don't then I am physically sick a little while later. Josie Spinardi talks about physical hunger coming on slowly and gently but for me at breakfast time it is not very gentle. I have always been this way about breakfast and a doughnut or sweet roll is like not eating at all and I still get physically sick after a while if I don't get some protein into my body. I eat carbs for breakfast too but just can't do carbs alone at this meal. I figure it is just my body telling me what it needs to get going.

[gymrat05]

I feel you. I've been debating doing a whole30.

[Palestrina]

Welcome back cowgal!

I don't know what a Whole30 is but it sounds like it's got a whole lot of dos and donts.

[gymrat05]

It does. It's basically 30 days of strict paleo. But weighing yourself is forbidden.

[sarahinparis]

Originally Posted by cowgal

I like Josie Spinardi too.

". I for one have found that if I am physically hungry protein has to figure into the equation because it seems to satisfy the hunger for longer. A piece of fruit with some protein works fine but a piece of fruit leaves me hungry quickly. I also find that I have to have breakfast shortly after getting up in the morning and if I don't then I am physically sick a little while later. Josie Spinardi talks about physical hunger coming on slowly and gently but for me at breakfast time it is not very gentle. I have always been this way about breakfast and a doughnut or sweet roll is like not eating at all and I still get physically sick after a while if I don't get some protein into my body. I eat carbs for breakfast too but just can't do carbs alone at this meal. I figure it is just my body telling me what it needs to get going.

I don't know Josie Spinardi, I'll have to look her up.

I find the point above, about knowing which foods and what structures of meals etc work for you important - and it's interesting that you learn that through experimenting and, if we've been wise, our previous diets teach us some of that too.

I too feel a lot more satisfied with protein than without, but my hunger experience is more like she describes. I've never been hungry for breakfast, even as a kid this was the meal I had the least interest in. I spent many years forcing myself to eat in the morning since all the diet advice tells you "it's the most important meal of the day".

Paleo and low carb dieting showed me that I could eat to hunger, and when I do I skip morning food more often than not (it also helps that I'm now home with my kids, so I'm not in the workplace needing to plan meals around a clock, I can eat at 11am if I want to now).

Gymrat: I've done the whole30 twice (once as AIP) and while there are two non-diet aspects (no scale & no limits on portions) there are so many other rules around foods (what to have, when, in what kind of structure) that it would be hard to classify it anywhere other than "restriction". It's an interesting program if you're wanting to explore paleo further (I actually like Chris Kresser's 30 day reset better though) but I don't see how it could fit well with exploring IE at the same time.

For myself, I've begun re-reading Linda Bacon's Health At Every Size. Made it through the long front section of endorsements and introduction, and the first chapter. I think I will try to make a bullet point summary for myself chapter by chapter (that I'll post here) but I'm in the middle of a project that will have me tied up for the next 10 days, so I won't get to it right away...

And meanwhile the IE/HAES message continues to percolate in the back of my mind, becoming stronger

[gymrat05]

sarahinparis - Yeah, I'm familiar. I've done Whole30 twice (started it three times). Some people exhibiting ED behaviours seem to find it helps since it's very clear cut and doesn't restriction of the foods it permits. But yes, by eliminating many foods it is definitely restrictive.

Today is a bad day. I'm just feeling very negative.

[Palestrina]

I stepped on the scale, Ive gained 3lbs. I don't know how to feel about this, on the one hand I was expecting it and on the other I'm very mad at myself for even stepping on the scale. I'm not sure what to do to be kind to myself right now, we always say "be gentle with yourself now" but how do I do that when I'm so mad at myself?

So can we try to come up with some ideas that will help everyone be kind and gentle to themselves? How do you go about doing that?

[cowgal]

sarahinparis - I know a lot of people who don't like to eat breakfast but eat it when they are diets because they are supposed to. I agree with you that we need to know which structure works for each of us and realize that one size does not fit all. I know that my need for a good breakfast was long before I started dieting and my mother is the same way.

wannabeskinny - Just try to remember that this is a process and it will take time. Even in Josie's book she talks about remembering that naturally thin people don't do perfect either.

Gymrat - I am sorry you had a bad day. I hope today goes better for you.

[Pinkhippie]

Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny

I stepped on the scale, Ive gained 3lbs. I don't know how to feel about this, on the one hand I was expecting it and on the other I'm very mad at myself for even stepping on the scale. I'm not sure what to do to be kind to myself right now, we always say "be gentle with yourself now" but how do I do that when I'm so mad at myself?

So can we try to come up with some ideas that will help everyone be kind and gentle to themselves? How do you go about doing that?

I sat down to answer this and then realized I don't have an answer. It is really hard for me too. The best thing I can come up with that I do sometimes is to step outside myself and see myself as someone I really love and care about who is not me. Like my best friend or a spouse and ask myself how I would feel if they did the same thing I did. I notice that I would feel a lot more compassion and empathy for them and it helps me realize the way I look at myself is irrationally critical.

[Locke]

Hello all,

Welcome to the newer folks. I've been on vacation in Colorado visiting a man that I met through online gaming- we totally like each other but we live 1000 miles apart. Leaving him to come back to California has been rough. Life isn't fair, you know? Anyway my eating has been all over the place. He eats a lot of junk food so that's what I ate when I was with him. Soda, fast food, chinese, etc. It was good because it made me eat outside of my comfort zone. I ate pretty intuitively while I was there but I've had a couple of rough days since I got back with eating too much. I think it's because of the feelings from leaving him. Bah. Anyway I'm trying to not freak out and to be kind to myself.

I'm also turning around and leaving in a couple of days to visit my family for Thanksgiving. I hate to use the word "trigger" but my family is a HUGE source of anxiety for me and visiting them is usually accompanied by a range of self destructive behaviors on my part. I'm really, really going to try to not let it get on top of me this time. So I'll try to keep you all updated.

Yesterday I picked up a couple of pumpkin pies for breakfast for the next few weeks. Yes, I do think a slice of pumpkin pie is the perfect way to start the day. I've never let myself have it in an unrestricted manner before- usually I avoid it entirely or binge on it for one evening (half a pie, or a whole pie shoveled down without even tasting it) then I purge or just feel really yucky. So this year I'm going to let myself eat however much I want.

[heftyhiker]

Hello all, I haven't been on in a while, but I introduced myself in last month's thread. I have been doing fine, eating normally. I have had a couple of doctor's appointments this month to try and figure out what's going on with the hormonal issues I've been having that I mentioned in the other thread. This morning my doctor diagnosed me with PCOS, which is what I expected, but it is still hard to hear. But I am happier than if she told me that my blood tests were all normal and just to lose weight, which is what a doctor told me a couple years ago for similar issues. I just have the feeling that the weight is the symptom of something and not the cause. It is frustrating to see that as a recommendation for treating PCOS and listed as a symptom in a lot of reputable online information. It's hard not feel like I have failed somehow, morally or at taking care of myself or something.
So anyway, she prescribed metformin and I will go back in a couple weeks for more blood tests to see how it works. I think it will be a while before I see any results outwardly, but I just hope the medicine works. I am just scared it won't be effective and that I'll feel like even more of a failure.

Locke, sounds like you had a great trip! Good luck at thanksgiving! Take time to care about you while you're there.
Happy thanksgiving everyone!

sarahinparis, I would be interested in reading health at every size again with you! I also have Leslie Kinzl's Two Whole Cakes on my wish list, so maybe we can do those next!

Wannabe, I hope you're feeling better! As you said, be gentle with yourself. Maybe try to think about how you would treat someone you love if they were feeling badly. You deserve just as much care from yourself as you would give anyone else.

[gymrat05]

wannabe - I'm not really one to talk, because I'm the furthest thing from gentle towards myself, but I think it helps to remember weight loss isn't linear. Instead of seeing it like a failure, see it as an opportunity; if you know what went wrong then you know how to correct it and that's a very positive thing.

[Pink Hurricane]

Reading that summed up my thoughts and feelings of a recent epiphany I had less th an a week ago. Even when I've been "skinny" I am very curvy. I have never been smaller than a size 10/12 since I was a teenager. Our weight obsessed culture still saw me as fat and it really messed with me inso many deep ways. Over the past 4, almost 5 years, I embraced my body and loved my size 12 curves. Now that I am working to get back to a healthy size, I love my body no matter what. When I reach my healthy body goal, though mainstream society doesn't agree that would be healthy, I know what healthy is. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well!

[gymrat05]

So here's my update for the week.

The Good I feel really good about where I am with my food. I'm not binging. I'm not obsessing over what I can or cannot eat/squeeze into my calories. I'm not raiding the cupboards like a crazy person because I only ate 500 calories for breakfast and lunch and then pigging out at dinner to make up for it. I'm just eating. It's nice.

The Bad I'm tired and I feel lazy. I went to the gym yesterday but didn't on Monday and didn't today. I know it makes sense to take two weekdays since I'm at work full time and the weekends are much easier to get to the gym on...The bad isn't that I didn't go to the gym again, it's that taking Monday and Wednesday as a planned rest day makes me feel lazy.

The Ugly I feel really bloated and fat right now and I don't know why. I've been eating well, no binges since November 19th (and it hasn't been a struggle at all) but I just feel like when I do step on the scale finally I'll be up. Which is making me want to step on it early.

Other thoughts: 1) Working in diabetes education has been an enlightening experience and I'm only on day 3. I feel like it's giving me a lot of perspective on my own medical and weight issues. 2) Homemade burrito bowls are excellent.