It seemed to me like they were both fitness nuts, the kind who deprive themselves of all culinary indulgences. While I admire the hard work it must take, I could not live that lifestyle. I am a believer in having meals together and that is not terribly compatible with certain voluntary dietary restrictions.
It seemed to me like they were both fitness nuts, the kind who deprive themselves of all culinary indulgences. While I admire the hard work it must take, I could not live that lifestyle. I am a believer in having meals together and that is not terribly compatible with certain voluntary dietary restrictions.
While I don't really disagree with you I wonder what you would think if you saw me, an overweight mom sitting with my kids not eating yogurt. Would you assume I'm dieting? Because the truth is I don't really like frozen yogurt or ice cream.
I might think you were dieting, and quite frankly I thought the buff couple was dieting too. It was a crowded yogurt shop full of families they were the the only ones not eating anything. Granted I did take the kids to DQ once and got blizzards for them, but I didn't get anything. The difference was that I didn't go inside, I let them eat the blizzards as I drove home.
I don't think there is anything wrong for not ordering with your kids. Our kids know that dad and mom are old and can not eat everything they want anymore.... but at the same token active kids can.
It is still family time, being together! That is all that matters.
I've gone to places like that and ordered for my kids while not getting anything and I don't have a hard body and I never will (I've stretched out my skin too much). I just don't have any sugar in my diet so I won't get that stuff, but that doesn't mean that I'm depriving myself. I used to think a life without sugar wasn't worth living, but honestly, I finally feel like I have a life worth living now that I"m not a slave to that addiction.
EDIT: I just want to clarify that this is my opinion. I know it is writting in a rather harsh way, therefor I felt the need to emphasize this is my own opinion and merely based on how I feel. I'll still keep the harsh tone, just to show that I strongly support my opinion.
No, I don't believe in portion control.
I only believe in changing the attitude towards food. Fastfood and all foods and drinks containing high amounts of sugar and/or saturated or transfat are a no-go. Whether you are skinny or fat, they are bad for you and should never be part of your diet.
I used to look at a skinny girl eating a pizza or icecream or whatever, thinking: "Yeah, you can eat it, but if I would, you'd just shake your head and be like "look at the fat one wondering why she's fat"". Now I look at anyone eating a pizza or icecream and think: "You are making your body sick. That is bad for your health".
I believe shifting my focus from weight to health and actually educating me further than ever before about food, has made it easier to adapt a healthy choice in the foods I eat. No more processed food. No more quarter-pound steaks, no more snackbars and whatever.
Almost ANY comfortfood has a healthy brother. Pancakes can be made so much healthier and tastier by using oatmeal. Pizzas are healthier too when you make them yourself. Fries, now made from sweet potatoes, in the oven with a spoon of olive oil and paprika.
When my mom invited me for dinner Friday, she told me there'd be healthy choices too. The healthiest there was, were some pistachio's. I felt like a trainwreck the day after and knew that no dinner could be as fun as feeling like a whole and healthy person. Yes, unless I'm preparing the dinner, I won't be eating at my mom's ever again. It sounds really crazy on my behalf, but I've freed myself from unhealthy foods and I don't want anyone or anything standing in my way again. I did that once, two years ago, and the 33 pounds I had lost, flew back on, ONLY because I -once- thought I could "portion myself".
Last edited by AngryShroom; 07-09-2014 at 05:46 AM.
I think my kids are too smart to believe if I say I'm too old to have yogurt or ice cream or something, they will look around the room and find someone older eating it and refute my claim.
There's always going to be that under 25 BMI weight girl or guy, even older than me, eating yogurt, ice cream or something, without really hurting their health. I don't think I'm quite ready to say that I can't do that. If I think I "can't" do something, I will want it more.
I tell my kids that ice cream/yogurt or whatever is a "sometime food" like the cookie monster says about cookies on Sesame Street. So for myself I need to live by that mantra, not every day, maybe not even once a week, but special occasions, maybe.
Who knows, maybe I really "can't" have something if I want to be a healthy weight, I'm still pretty new at this so time will tell.
On that same topic, sort of, I took my kids to frozen yogurt the other day and while there I saw this very fit, buff couple with kids, but the adults just sat there and watched the kids eat yogurt.
then another couple with kids were all eating yogurt, these parents were healthy weight but not buff, hard bodies.
I thought if you have to watch your kids eat yogurt to look totally buff and lean then I want no part of it, I would rather be like the healthy weight who can still eat yogurt with their kids.
I take my daughter occasionally and never indulge in the foods I'll bring her to get. I understand that she wants treats sometimes, so I'll take her for frozen yogurt or sometimes even (GASP) an icee or McD. I don't order anything. She still enjoys the time we spend together and enjoys a treat once in a while!
When she was about 2-3 years old, she had a barbie mom, dad, and toddler. She had them all head to McD in the toy car, and ordered a happy meal for the baby, a burger and fries for dad, and coffee for mom. It was us.
That's a good comparison to cigarettes, also remins me of recovering alcoholics, some wish they could be social drinkers but just can't, so they have to abstain.
I can be a social drinker. But it remains to be seen if I "can" have occasional indulgences and not crave them even more.
As to what Pattience said, I also believe that almost anyone who has been (severly) overweight, is actually a recovering addict. Addicted to comfortfoods, sugar, fat,... So the entire sigarette-analogy seems quite correct to me.
And although restraint is an important arguement against restriction control, I myself prefer this one: All these foods are unhealthy for you, even just once. They aren't needed, they shouldn't be in your diet, whether you are trying to lose weight or gain weight or keep your weight.
I myself believe in looking at a piece of food and thinking: What am I getting from this? Does it contain anything I really need? Vitamins, minerals and fibres: That's what my food needs to contain to justify ANY caloric intake. Compare that to the amount of (fast) sugar, fat and calories you'll get from it and you will soon understand why certain foods just are a no-go.
A lot of comfortfoods, if you are counting calories, will deprive your body of much needed other nutrients. Why'd you bother with them? So, although I am not avoiding them because of restraint or because of my weight, for those who are counting calories to lose weight: Why'd you let your body handle this junk, while you could eat an apple? It'll at least give you vitamins and fibres, is sweet as well and will satiate you much longer.
I also understand the entire kids-deal, but, although your kids may hate you now, don't make such foods normal to your kids. Like this: As a kid, we always had cookies, chocolate, chips in the house, but never sweet candy (don't ask me why). So, now, as an adult, I will like chocolate and cookies and chips. But I don't even like sweet candy. We always had cola, but not that much lemonade. So, now I like cola, but not lemonade. You may think it's better to make your kids enjoy this junk now so they are happy today, but I just wish my mom would've never made me taste my first piece of chocolate, chips, cookies or gave me my first glass of cola. I probably wouldn't have known better and I'd be happy just as well (and at least skinnier today -> thus happier in the long run).
No, I made a promise, if kids ever roam this house, I'll avoid any bad foods till they are old enough to dislike it. And if I need to move to find a school and parents who are likeminded, so be it. As a woman who has struggled with her weight for a long time, I at least owe that to my children.
Foods are more than nutrients just like sex is more than procreation. Foods are part of cultural identity and sharing, foods are part of celebrations and comfort. When I stopped thinking of foods as addicting, only then was I able to say no to them. I believe it is about balance and thinking of foods as forbidden only backfires for me.
Now I have choices I make based on certain things like I realized that once I allowed myself things, that I didn't really like those things. I enjoy lots of healthy foods but if I want to eat something, then I eat it without emotional attachment.
My initial weight loss was a lot about cleaning up my diet and exercising. For 5 years, I maintained a 140lb weight loss but I never lost more (and I'd bounce around the same 10-20 lbs over and over again). I struggled and I believe I was in what I now would call bullimic-non purging stage. Basically, I'd overeat/binge, then restrict via food/exercise and cycle. I was able to do that for a while until other factors came into play (injury/death in family, work stress, etc). Then I gained some weight back and struggled for a bit. All the time during the struggle, I definitely felt certain foods were off limits.
Now though, I've had success dropping the weight again and for me it is really eating 'whatever I want'. I'm also nearly done reading a book called Brain over Binge which has helped me a lot recently understand what I was going through at my lowest weight.
I won't say I'm perfect, I'll say I'm a work in progress. But that work in progress means letting go of food restrictions, diet rules, etc.
Angry, you certainly are very angry. I don't believe in food addictions but I understand some people need to thinknofnit this way to fuel their willpower in order to abstain and that's fine, we all have to do what works for our body. The only thing I will criticize is that looking at other people eating pizza is none of your business. Even if they're thin or fat or whatever, it is not your place to judge if they are poisoning themselves. You will never eat at your mothers ever again. Ok. So you will deprive yourself of eating with your family. You will move if you have to. All this anger sounds more like fear than anything else.
The key component to being successful with portion control is having a neutral relationship with food. It's the same thing with any relationship. I someone doesn't get along with their mother in law for example it is hard to tolerate even the shortest conversation with her. But once you get swayed of addictions which lead to demonizing foods then no, portion control is out of the question, it's not an option. I could never portion control when I was dieting, it was complete abstinence or a free for all. That ride is over.
Think of foods you are neutral about neither love or hate. For me I'll pick corn. I don't salivate over it but I kinda like it too. Portion control is easy with foods you're neutral about. It's a matter of psychology that's all.
I also understand the entire kids-deal, but, although your kids may hate you now, don't make such foods normal to your kids. Like this: As a kid, we always had cookies, chocolate, chips in the house, but never sweet candy (don't ask me why). So, now, as an adult, I will like chocolate and cookies and chips. But I don't even like sweet candy. We always had cola, but not that much lemonade. So, now I like cola, but not lemonade. You may think it's better to make your kids enjoy this junk now so they are happy today, but I just wish my mom would've never made me taste my first piece of chocolate, chips, cookies or gave me my first glass of cola. I probably wouldn't have known better and I'd be happy just as well (and at least skinnier today -> thus happier in the long run).
No, I made a promise, if kids ever roam this house, I'll avoid any bad foods till they are old enough to dislike it. And if I need to move to find a school and parents who are likeminded, so be it. As a woman who has struggled with her weight for a long time, I at least owe that to my children.
I always felt that way, but after my divorce, I recall ranting and raving to my therapist that my ex husband was "ruining" my child by giving her spaghetti-o's and kool aid. Talk about insane thinking.
She told me that no matter what, if I expose my daughter to different foods and limit her treats, she'll be just fine. She was right.
My daughter loves ice cream, but she also loves frozen bananas blended into ice cream just as much, if not more. She loves fast food, but will also gladly eat my homemade chicken/zucchini nuggets any day. Her absolute favorite food is tomato salad, but she also loves broccoli, beans, corn, cauliflower, spinach, and more. I made her a five page produce chart where she can pick out what new vegetables to try and rate them with smiley faces - okra got double smiley faces from her, but bok choy was a bust.
Her eating the treats doesn't deter her from liking healthy foods, so if her friends invite her over for pizza and soda every few months, that's okay. I'm giving her the tools to be able to pick and choose what makes her body feel good, and even at six years old, it's working.
I always felt that way, but after my divorce, I recall ranting and raving to my therapist that my ex husband was "ruining" my child by giving her spaghetti-o's and kool aid. Talk about insane thinking.
She told me that no matter what, if I expose my daughter to different foods and limit her treats, she'll be just fine. She was right.
My daughter loves ice cream, but she also loves frozen bananas blended into ice cream just as much, if not more. She loves fast food, but will also gladly eat my homemade chicken/zucchini nuggets any day. Her absolute favorite food is tomato salad, but she also loves broccoli, beans, corn, cauliflower, spinach, and more. I made her a five page produce chart where she can pick out what new vegetables to try and rate them with smiley faces - okra got double smiley faces from her, but bok choy was a bust.
Her eating the treats doesn't deter her from liking healthy foods, so if her friends invite her over for pizza and soda every few months, that's okay. I'm giving her the tools to be able to pick and choose what makes her body feel good, and even at six years old, it's working.
Thing is, as a kid, I also loved sprouts, cauliflower, broccoli and all kinds of healthy foods more than fatty and sugary foods.
My issues with food go way further than the occasional junk and such, but I feel, if I hadn't been introduced to these kinds of food, my issues would have been less severe. Psychological, at best, but not to the point where I started to substitute healthy food for food with a high caloric value simply because I hated eating.
I don't know. I know I may not be thinking straight at this point about food (yet again, the saga continues), but, you know... I've come to prefer a wholesome approach to food, rather than subjecting me to foods that make me feel bad and may or may not ruin all my efforts to eat healthily.
I can bake my own pizza and feel okay with eating that now and then, but I cannot see how a frozen pizza or delivery pizzas can fit into any healthy eating plan. For me, I've found a way of looking at food as a "what does it give me?"-approach, rather than a "it tastes good" or "everyone eats it"-approach. The last two clearly didn't work. The first one ("what does it give me?") is the first time in so many years that finally makes it possible for me to have a positive attitude towards food.
I feel like I can eat anything and I am not restricting, although it seems that way. I just don't feel like eating cheeseburgers (for instance), because, well, why should I eat it? The cheeseburger will taste good (very good even!) for a few minutes, make me feel too stuffed for the next 15, then hungry again, all in all while being bloated for the next two days. So, why should I eat it? Because it tastes good for a few minutes? It'll make me feel terrible for so much longer!
So, the only restriction I have, is completely self-induced and because that's what I want, rather than that's what some guru said. Which really is not a restriction diet like most have. It's an educated choice, both by what is healthy according to research, but also by starting to listen to my body.
I guess it's just mindfulness in a way and with this approach, no, the thought of eating a cheeseburger upsets my stomach so much the thought all alone makes me want to empty its contents. (Which used to be one of my favorite foods that wasn't healthy)
I think it's important that everyone do what works and helps them the most. I get a little frustrated though when people feel like their way is the best. When someone tells me to look at foods a certain way so that I can have everything in moderation, it's (for me) the equivalent of telling an alcoholic to have alcohol in moderation or for a smoker to only have a few cigarettes occasionally. For some people, that totally works, but for others, it just doesn't. For me, having sugar and flour just has never worked and honestly, I can have a great life without them, so why should I have them?
I saw all the above with a positive tone....I know things can be misconstrued when they're typed. I'm not here to fight...just to voice my point of view. We are all entitled to it and if you are able to eat everything intuitively, then I really thing that's great and am happy for your success.
