Not wearing my fitbit is both terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. A lot of the accountability habits I built over time were like badges of honor, my tangible commitment to my health. I could look at them and have proof of loving myself. It took a long time to build these habits and I considered them big achievements. When i lost control over my emotional eating i could point to my logs and to my pedometer and say to myself "see? I'm not completely pathetic". I don't think wearing a pedometer is an unhealthy thing and I'm not decided that this is a forever thing. But the accountability turned into a crutch, a way to stay in control, or a way to control myself. Ultimately it became a tool for self judgment. What can be measured shall be judged.

Letting go of the fitbit was gradual. First I'd forget to put it on in the morning or after the shower. That would be upsetting and I'd think "oh man, I just walked all the way to the park and back and climbed 7 staircases and all that for nothing!" Because if it wasn't logged in it didnt count, I got no credit for it. For some subconscious reason I started letting go of that feeling. I mean, just because it wasn't written down for posterity doesn't mean it didn't happen or that my body didnt get the benefits of it!

The thing that is hardest for me is the scale. I've logged my weight every Monday for years! I refer to those old logs all the time. I can tell you how much I weighed on this date 3 yrs ago. That comes in handy. For example, last year at the end of June I attended a wedding and wore a dress. It was a little tight. I want to wear that dress again this week so I looked bak at my weight and see that I weigh 10ls less. Without putting it on I know that when I do Ill look and feel better in it than I did last year. I know that I can probably get the same benefit from weighing less often but it's a define hard habit to break.

Interesting thoughts on the fit bit. I totally know that "getting the credit" feeling you are talking about. We took the kids to the zoo today. We walked for hours in the blazing sun. I don't know how much we walked but my feet hurt and so did my legs. It was a big zoo. I checked the pedometer app on my phone and was totally dismayed to see that it didn't count my steps properly. It only showed about 1000 since I woke up, which was totally wrong. So, yep no credit for those steps. But, I still got quite a work out and we had fun so it really shouldn't matter.

I have never been a daily , weekly or even monthly weigher until recently. For some reason I find it helps me to weigh every day. Maybe because I don't have much of a scale history since we have never owned one until recently, so it doesn't bother me.

I could easily fall into the weighing myself every day trap, but this is not a diet so I have decided only to weigh myself once a month. So far so good.

The fitbit is actually a step down for me. I used to use one that told me exactly how much extra food I could eat. I could also do that with the fitbit, but it's too much work.

I'm super tired today and all I want to do is eat. I'm holding myself accountable and I'm not but ugh - it has hit me hard. I hope it gets easier to handle all of these things and find other ways to self soothe....is it too late for me at 40 to acquire a 'blankee'?

When I hear myself say "all I want to do is eat" I evaluate immediately. I ask myself what might be happening in my life that is causing me this particular stress? Am I tired, overwhelmed, angry, bored, frustrated? Did I get enough sleep last night? Is something looming ahead that is causing me anxiety? If I can pinpoint my trigger I can try to find the appropriate solution without food. If the stress has become too high and I need to eat I just eat. My NT tells me that if our trigger has teacher a level above 7 on a scale 1-10 in intensity then it's a little too late to thwart it and the most compassionate thing to do is to eat. Then revisit the situation later to evaluate.

Jen,

Are you able to rest? I will often times reach for food when I'm tired but what I need is rest. I try to tell myself that food won't help- I'll just be tired and too full instead of tired.

I like this advice and I think I do the same thing usually. sometimes I just can't evaluate if the eating urge is that strong but if I eat compassionately without guilt, then later I can look at the situation and see what was going on that caused me to want to eat. For me its almost always about feeling something I don't want to feel. It can be big or small but if in my head, I shouldn't feel that way or I don't think that feeling is ok, then the eating urge is strong and it lasts all day, its not just an isolated time.

So after I ate lunch (at the very first sign of hunger and had what I was thinking about all morning), I laid down for a bit. It helped a little. Then I realized that I needed to just be done for the day so I told my manager. Now I'm going to rest some more.

My coach has never told me about this other scale before. But then again she is not very passionate. She just keeps telling me I have to be accountable and if I make a conscience decision to eat when I'm not hungry then I'm not accountable. But you know what that sounds like diet behavior to me. If I'm tired and not feeling well I should have some compassion for myself.

Thanks for the kind words and speedy help!

Time for a July thread. Who's gonna start it!