I SO feel for you! However, you can definitely get yourself back on track. First off, I can't imagine that you actually gained 20 lbs. of fat in one month. To do that, you'd probably have to eat massive quantities of calorie dense foods to the point of feeling ill and have lots of binges. I would bet that a great deal of what the scale says is water weight.
Take a step back and make a commitment. No matter what social events come up, you will stay on plan. It's hard to do that, but it's possible. I made the mistake of gaining more than 50 lbs. in the last year and now I"m working my way out of that place but don't let it get to that point. 10-20 lbs. is a much more manageable goal. Start drinking water and take it one day at a time...even one hour at a time. Then reflect on what went wrong. Were you too hungry? Could you have filled up on more veggies? Could you have chewed gum or had some tea? If you can learn from this experience, yo can actually feel empowered and prevent from happening in the future. The last thing you should do is have resentment toward yourself. We all make mistakes. We are human, after all. Love yourself back on track. The first few days will be the hardest...if you can get through the first week, you'll feel a whole lot better very quickly. Han in there SaraBobera. I KNOW you can do it!
First goal: under 180:
Second goal: 175 or below:
Third goal: 168 (no longer overweight):
Fourth goal: 161 (what I weighed before I fell off):
Fifth goal: below 160:
Final goal: 145-155: