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How do you deal with family?

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Old 02-28-2011, 12:42 AM   #1
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Height: 5'5''

Default How do you deal with family?

I love my family a lot and they're always such a huge help...BUT when it comes to weight loss, they make the situation so much worse than it should be. I'm consistently told by everyone in my family that I need to lose weight. Even if I am losing weight and sticking to my diet, I'm not losing it fast enough to be noticeable to the people living in the same house as me, and they keep asking why my dieting isn't working (when the scale tells me it is).

Again, I love my family...but I have a hard time tuning them out when it comes to this process. They give me such an awful level of anxiety and stress. It makes me feel awful when I should be happy about being in control and losing weight. Because of their constant pessimism, I feel I've lost a lot of self-esteem. I hate going out places with friends because I feel self-conscious about my weight. The worse part is, I don't like going to the gym to work-out because I worry that everyone is staring at the fat girl on the eliptical.

I know the best answer is "tough it out and who cares what everyone else thinks" but for some reason, I can't follow that advice.
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Old 02-28-2011, 02:46 AM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: anchorage, AK
Posts: 158

S/C/G: 210/159/135

Height: 5'1"


It doesn't say how much you've lost, but maybe you should start carrying pictures or something. when they start up, show them the pictures, the visual 'proof' of your loss, and thank them for reminding you that all your hard work is paying off, and that that reminds you to go work out (or have that low fat yogurt, or whatever).

I also want to say I am so happy when I see seniors and larger people (i.e., to me that's anyone size 12 and up) at the gym. It's so inspiring. I have to stop myself from walking up to people just because I don't want to make them feel weird, but it's very motivating to me to see the people who need it actually using the gym. I know you'll probably still feel somewhat uncomfortable, but just thought I'd offer a response that you might not have thought of.

The other thing, which may be harsh, but it's something that helps me, if I'm doing something hard exercise wise or uncomfortable in the gym, I just tell myself that I didn't get to be this weight by doing this (aerobics or whatever), and that I can't effect change without changing myself. You may never feel comfortable with how you look; instead of feeling like the fat girl on the elliptical, you might feel like the girl with too much loose skin, or the girl who doesn't have toned enough arms....the list can go on forever if you let it.

In the end, you need to decide what's important to you. Right now you see yourself as the fat girl. Is that fat girl going to spend her time enjoying friends and family, or isolating herself? Is she going to exercise, or remain sedentary? Is she going to indulge in whatever foods she wants, or try to make healthy choices? You have the power to be whichever 'fat girl' you want to be.

And also I would add you don't need to go to the gym to work out. you can walk or run or dance or swim or bike or even lift weights using your younger siblings, if they're the right size. exercise doesn't only happen at the gym.

My final note (since this has gotten fairly long already! ) is this: In high school, I was a size 14 mostly, did get down to a ten for a month, but I felt horribly large. My best friends were respectively a size 2 and a 4. then I graduated, gained, and went up to a size 22. After 3 years of working on this weight loss, I'm back at a 14, almost 12. And now, after being able to compare how I felt at those bigger sizes, I've discovered I wasn't as fat as I thought I was back then, I was just too busy comparing myself to my tiny friends to realize or accept it. Beautiful people come in all sizes.

Starting again 5/22/2014:
193-safely away from 200 again!
184-under a 35 BMI!
179-finally out of 180!
176-pre-pregnancy weight!
168-20% total weight lost!
160-lowest adult weight I've been at!
153-No longer considered obese!
147-30% total lost!
145-weight I'd be happy at forever!
140-Normal weight for my size/frame!
135-my Dream weight
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Old 02-28-2011, 11:21 AM   #3
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I wouldn't prove anything to them. Next time someone in the family criticizes you, say something like "I don't find that helpful. Thanks."

And it is perfectly ok to tell your family "Hey, this topic? My weight loss? Not up for discussion. New topic!"

And if they pull the old "You are too sensitive!" routine just say "Yep. I'm sensitive. New topic!" and let it go.

Just because it is family doesn't mean you cannot have some healthy boundaries.

Started Oct 2014:

Last edited by astrophe : 02-28-2011 at 11:22 AM.
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Old 02-28-2011, 11:33 AM   #4
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Utah
Posts: 1,139

S/C/G: 230/ticker/130

Height: 5'7"


I agree with astrophe, tell them you do not want them to talk about your weight anymore. It's a perfectly valid request.
"The pieces won't pick up themselves, you know..."
--Olivia-- Falling down isn't the failure, staying down is.

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Old 02-28-2011, 04:24 PM   #5
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Location: Kent, UK
Posts: 189

Height: 5.6


I have the same pressure from the family. What I have learnt is that this is an expression of their values and their problems. It is so easy to criticize and demand from somebody and this is what my family does to me. I used to take it personally but now I know that I don't need to please anybody in order to feel good. They can dislike me and my weight all they want. I don't need to spend any energy in trying to persuade them in something. I have boundaries, I have asked them to stop talking about my weigh, I ask them not to put certain food around when i visit. They are so concerned about my weight that they would do these things for me.

It is so easy for people to run away from their own problems and their own lives and focus on somebody else's life. That is what their are doing. I can only be assertive and say things like I appreciate your concern but your statement makes me angry. Could you please not do that any more. I have the right to make boundaries and to look after myself. When they criticize me, if I don't express my anger I will eat on it. I have eaten to protect myself from people's criticism in the past... do they still criticise me - yes - is this their problem - yes!!!

So for the sake of my sanity and recovery, I try to stop eating and protect myself in the right way.

Love yourself, no matter what!

I place my hand in yours and together we can do what we could not do alone
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