Intuitive Eating #11

[lharvey180]

Hi, I am pretty new to IE and this site in general. Not at all new to the losing weight, gaining weight roller coaster. Hope you don't mind if I join up here?? I could def use the support and advice from seasoned IE followers!!

[JulieJ08]

lharvey, welcome!

Just join right in. We all have a slightly different take, which I think works out great. And I think we're all still learning.

[lharvey180]

Well been following IE for about a week. Made it through Thanksgiving no problem..but the past two days I have been sick and completly ignored every signal my body was giving me and ate till I was stuffed! Ugh, I feel kinda disgusted with myself, but have to keep reminded myslef that this is a learning process and I won't get it perfect..lol I guess I'm a bit of a perfectionist! So how do you all handle slip ups?

[ALO22]

lharvey, welcome! Don't feel disgusted with yourself and I wouldnm't think of it as a slip up =) That's one of the beauties of IE: there's no plan, there's no slip ups. We all need to learn to "forgive" ourselves (although I'm not sure whether you did something that needs to be forgiven or whether you were being just a human being).

So, this is a nice segway to what's been happening to me this last few days. I've bought the intuitive eating book and I really like it. In my case, I overcame binging and mindless eating a few years ago, and my obsession with food (that annoying little voice in the back of my head) has been almost completely gone for a while too. However, I remain a bit of a secret dieter (or whatever the term is) and I want to get rid of that. I don't want to have to over think about food and calories before and after every meal.

So, yesterday I was working out (I enjoy moving my body) and I looked at myself in the mirror and hated what I saw. I almost cried. Now, I don't think I'm even overweight (5'5'' and 150lbs) but I just feel like I've always had this dream of a slimmer me. It's not my body shape, I don't want to change anything about my body, I just want to lose some pounds. But I don't want to diet... I've been feeling pretty discouraged.

I just hope this is all part of the process and that things fall into place in my head =(

I don't know why I'm so hard on myself.

Also... another thought that has been bothering me: if I don't diet, what do I do with that energy that I'm so used to putting into dieting?!

[lharvey180]

I def know that feeling..of being so consumed by dieting..every thought I used to make..can I eat this, is it time to eat yet...how are my macro's...how many calories do I have left for dinner..ugh so done with all of that! It seems so silly to me now!
I used to weigh 235 and over the course of a little over a year dropped to 153...I did this by severely restricting my calories and exercising in excess of 2 hours a day. Def not healthy, and I was miserable! After that I decided enough was enough and started eating more...AND gained back 20 pds.
So here I am again...trying to lose what I gained back. But I am so tired of dieting..I am really hoping that by following IE I can lose weight while gaining a better underestanding of my body and what it needs!
I also tend to eat a lot out of boredom...so I don't know I get really frustrated wanting to eat because I am bored, but knowing deep down I'm not really hungry at all.I dunno maybe I need a hobby that I can do at night while I'm watching TV...

[carolr3639]

My DD had a baby boy Sat. night and I can hardly even think about eating.......so sweet!

[JulieJ08]

I think it helps to reframe them not as slip-ups but as learning experiences. You learn how your choices make you feel - that means next time, you can choose based on experience instead of based on rules. When the results become real enough to you, the choices become easier (and sometimes just plain easy). I find it a lot easier to choose a healthy meal when I'm very aware of how I feel at that time and how the meal will make me feel, vs. trying to make the "right" choice. And the "unhealthy" choice isn't always going to make me feel bad - the point is that I'm aware of when my body really needs something.

I suppose there's always going to be at least some element of using a little effort to change long-standing habits, and to make choices that serve you. But for me at least, it feels very different when I get to choose what serves me, by listening to my body, than by following external rules.

[pattygirl63]

lharvey, to IE. Hope you are feeling better. I don't know how you deal with perfectionism as I have that problem as well. I expect me to be perfect and when I'm not, I become my worst at abusing myself. Althought I have to say that I am become better thanks to IE. I wouldn't call being off a little because of illness as a slip. In fact, I don't call anything a slip any more since doing IE because we are allowed to eat whatever we really want. I find if I satisfy my hunger that there is no reason to overdo it with anything. When you lose the bad foods/good foods attitude, you lose the guilt and the "I blew it so I might as well eat" attitude.

Carolr
What is the name of your new baby boy?

Julie I agree. I've been experiencing this lately. Maybe that is what IE calls making peace with food. Because now I think about why I eat certain foods such as what it does for me healthy wise. For example, my Mama always ate oatmeal because her Daddy and brothers had high cholestrol. When she found out she had cancer, I remember her saying that she took care of her heart, but never thought about cancer. A lot of my choices of foods has to do with how it is going to make me feel and how it is going to help make or keep my body healthy. It sure helps me in making decisions of what I'm going to eat.

ALO22 said if I don't diet, what do I do with that energy that I'm so used to putting into dieting?!

I know exactly how you feel. I had followed diets for sooooo long that when I started doing IE, I wondered the same thing. I have spent so many years and soooo much money on diet books etc and printing paper printing out things about diets that when I stopped dieting, I didn't know what to do any more. I actually feel like something is missing in my life at times... feel withdrawls if that makes any sense.

I've had a good day. It was nice to be able to go out and eat what I want. I actually find that I don't want all that much and I go for the healthier stuff. Tony and I have gotten to where one gets a combo and the other gets a single and we half the drink and fries. Sometimes we buy a combo and half the whole thing. It is really strange how things have changed since IE.

Blue, theCandEs, Natoshial and everyone else

[JulieJ08]

Originally Posted by ALO22

Also... another thought that has been bothering me: if I don't diet, what do I do with that energy that I'm so used to putting into dieting?!

Indeed!

I think this is what messes up some dieters when they reach maintenance. All of a sudden they don't have a focus anymore. I'd rather lose weight by having a non-food focus in my life all along.

Actually, I'm more food focused than I was, but less *eating* focused. I'm kind of a wannabe foodie now, but to me that's way different than always wanting to *eat*, to always be putting something in my mouth. Making enjoyment of food and meals central in life (which is more common in other cultures) is different than trying to solve (or rather, ignore) my problems by eating.

[ALO22]

Carolr: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Enjoy your grandson!!!!!!! What's his name?

Everyone else, thanks for answering.
I've been having th toughest of days. I feel depressed about my body every time I work out. I stare at myself in the mirror and feel like crying. It feels like the more I try to make piece with my body in a natural way, the more I fail whereas all my friends just live on a diet (including diet pills) but they look great all the time. I feel like I will always be the FAT ***. No matter what else I do, I am the FAT one. The "I don't deserve anything I have" feeling is making a horrible comeback.

=(

Now, these are feeling I thought I had learnt to control a long time ago, but they are here again.

In December of last year I move to the US. I got married to my boyfriend of two years and I haven't been back home since then. My mom and brother came to visit me in September. But moving away can take you to sad places in your mind that you didn't even know existed.
I am 24, I'm starting my life, I can't get a job in my field (translation or teaching), I am only now, and very slowly, starting to meet people... So I finished college, I moved away and now I feel like I am strating from zero. My life already is in total chaos. ANd now I have to get rid of the only (false) sennse of control I have? (controling my food)...

Not having gained any weight this year is the only thing that makes me feel like I'm not a failure. But now I feel that I will never be able to get rid of this excess weight that I DON'T WANT. This weight that I feel is a cover for something, that prevents me from being all the woman I could be.

And again... I am all the woman I can be. This weight is not preventing me from doing anything... so, why is it still there? Why doesn't it magically melt away?

I feel like a fat failure today.

[JulieJ08]

ALO, I wish I knew what to say to make it all better

Remember that feelings come and go. It's good to try to deal with them and build the good feelings. But even if you don't do anything, they still come and go.

And I think anyone undergoing that much change would be stressed. For sure. So take it easy on yourself! You've been through a lot

And you don't have to give things up. I think when it feels like that's what you're doing, then it's time to step back. We change the way we eat when we like the way it makes us feel *today*, not just for some future goal.

But mostly, I think the fat feelings will pass. I think when we worry too much about them we give them even more power. You just say, oh hi there, you're a familiar feeling. Let me scoot over here so you have a place to sit. You do your thing, I'll do mine. Like you do when refusing to give a misbehaving child any reinforcing attention, even negative attention.

[carolr3639]

Sorry I can't post more.......with Thanksgiving and the new baby I have a lot to do. His name is Liam Wallace.

[JulieJ08]

Originally Posted by carolr3639

My DD had a baby boy Sat. night and I can hardly even think about eating.......so sweet!

Congratulations! That is so fun. And tiring

[ALO22]

Julie, thank you so much for your post =)

I'm having a relaxing evening, watching house and waiting for hubby. Feeling better now.

Thank you again for your answer, really. ^_^

[Blue Serenity]

Hi everyone!

Carol, contratulations on the grandson! How exciting!

Welcome lharvey!

Originally Posted by ALO22

Also... another thought that has been bothering me: if I don't diet, what do I do with that energy that I'm so used to putting into dieting?!

Originally Posted by pattygirl63

I know exactly how you feel. I had followed diets for sooooo long that when I started doing IE, I wondered the same thing. I have spent so many years and soooo much money on diet books etc and printing paper printing out things about diets that when I stopped dieting, I didn't know what to do any more. I actually feel like something is missing in my life at times... feel withdrawls if that makes any sense.

ALO22 & Trish, You've brought up something that in the past I couldn't quite put my finger on. I kept saying that I felt like I needed to "do something" but I didn't know what. I thought maybe it was exercise, just something, but didn't understand that what I was going thru was this withdrawal thing. Yes, that's it exactly. A dieting withdrawal. No calories to count or food to log, just a void. Thanks for putting it into words for me.

Now, I think I've also hit on a solution to my own dieting withdrawal. At the beginning of November I decided to start journaling. It's not a list of what I've eaten (to make sure I've been a "good girl") tho sometimes I do include food, but it is basically just my thoughts on virtual paper. I highlight what my goals are, how I'm feeling at any given time, make note of how certain foods affect me, any cravings, lessons learned, areas needing improvement, anything ... I just put it all down where I can reflect on what I'm doing with IE. I only wrote for a few days before I got sick and didn't tend to it for a week and then when I was recouping I just didn't take the time to get back at it, but I went back to journaling this morning and feel refocused.

The reason I bring this up is because of the question "what do I do with that energy that I'm so used to putting into dieting?" Well, journaling is what I'm doing. When I take the time to write in my journal I feel focused. I feel like I am doing something proactive. In fact I got this idea from a book I saw in the bookstore ... "The Writing Diet" by Julia Cameron. I don't know all the specifics of her book because I didn't read it, except for a brief overview of it, but decided that journaling was exactly what I needed. I think I've decided that my own problem with weight loss is not a problem with the food anymore as much as it a problem with me losing focus and slipping into old habits (as the month of November has proven to me). So anyhow, I wouldn't say that journaling is an obsessive thing, but more of a way to stay focused since IE is just so free from rules. It helps me get my priorities set and lets me see where I need to adjust things in my life (relating to eating or not). So, that's what I'm doing, and I'm finding that the void is filled and my head is on straight.

Edit to add: Another great thing about journaling, I am finding, is that as I read back over previous days I am reminded of the little victories along the way or things I wrote down that I wanted to check into or some area I said I was going to work on and I am reminded of it. Otherwise those little things tend to get lost in the daily hustle and bustle. Now I have a record of them and they are so helpful!