WARNING! This is horribly, insanely, absurdly long. READ AT YOU OWN RISK : )
I’m in need of some serious advice here. Okay, to start from the beginning, I always knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. Even though my “career” changed every year or two, I still had that flat-out certainty that I will succeed in whatever job that was going to have. Well, now that the time has come to make my decision (i.e. college application), I’m at loss at what to do. I’m not sure what I want out of life. I want the very best, but I don’t want to work hard at it. I want it all or nothing. I want a lot of money. I want to be happy. I want to help people, but there’s a lot of work to do on me first. I want to be happy. I want people to look up to me. I want to make a difference. I just want to be happy.
I’ve narrowed everything I want to do/be into the aspects of two different jobs. Graphic designer or Nutritionist/Personal Trainer (that’s more like three…). Two completely different subjects, two things perfect for me. The problem here is that I’m not sure I’m into art as people think I am. True, I’m pretty decent at drawing—but I just do it ‘cause I can, not because I like it…It’s something that passes the time in detention or a gift that would help my average at school. I hate being told what to draw; I hate having pressure to get something done. I especially hate it when I see people better than I am; it makes me jealous to the point that I put off drawing for a week or two. That and…working in the field of art, you need to be able to summon creativity on command. I’m not creative at all, and inspiration comes once in a blue moon…THEN I’ll be drawing day and night none stop. Besides, when I’m working on my art for eight hours day, being a graphic designer, what am I gonna go home and do? It’s more like a hobby, to sum it all up lol.
As for my Nutritionist/Personal Trainer…well, I don’t know if it’s one of those fazes I get into every year but I’ve taken a great interest towards my health and well being. What inspired me into contemplating this field was when I went to see a nutritionist and a psychologist when I had a mild case of ED two years ago. I later got myself a personal trainer and still have one up till now. I really like the idea of knowing how everything works in my body. To be able to create my own work out program, know what to eat. I want to help people get fit and live a healthy lifestyle just like that nutritionist and personal trainer did or are doing for me. I want to be admired…m’kay, that sounded a little conceited but I mean, when I got my trainer I was like ‘wow, he really knows what he’s talking about, he’s good!’ I want people to think that of me as well while they see their life change for the better before their eyes. I want people to listen to me when I talk and DO it lol.
I would apply for Health in college in a HEARTBEAT. See, that’s not the problem. The problem is…okay, I don’t know how it works in other parts of the world but here in Canada, in grade 10 there’s Math and Physics 416, 426 and 436. Then in grade 11 there’s 516, 526 and 536. You get the idea, each one harder than the other. To enter Physical Science for the personal training career, you need math 436. Okay, not so bad. Just one summer at adult school. But to enter in Health for Nutrition, you’re going to need Math 436-536, Chemistry and Physics 536. All I have is math and physics 416 and 516. HOW in the world will I manage to make it? I can go into pathways in college to get my missing requirements but that’s an entire year of nothing but intense math, science and chemistry. It could probably be because I go to a French school, but math simply does NOT enter in my head. Probably in college, which is (thank God) English, things would be much easier. I could already imagine myself locked up in my room, studying non-stop, living off dictionary paper or something.
But then I wonder, is this job really worth it? I don’t like working hard for anything…but I’m definitely sure that it will all be worth it in the end.
Even my own mom has no hope in me. She tells me—almost pressures me—to go into Graphic Design ‘cause she’s sure I won’t be able to take the workload handed in Health. Saying that makes me want to prove her wrong so bad.
Why should I walk the easy path all the time? Should I actually work hard this time? Knowing me, I might drop out in the middle of it all. I’d stress out. I’d cry. I’d be overwhelmed. I’d freak out. I’d drop out and become a manager at the pet store just like the ones I work with…
I’m so confuzzled : (
Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this! I really appreciate it. Many thanks in advance to those who reply!
Oh by the way, here's a link to some art I've done in the past...for those who are interested. The colored pics are all done with the mouse on Photoshop 7.0. --> http://pinkvaliant.deviantart.com/
Oh and I really missed this site and everyone on it! It's nice to be back even though I don't have much input here lol :3