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Old 09-08-2006, 07:32 PM   #1  
I'M A YOGA WIDOWER!
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I HEARD THIS ON DR. LAURA TODAY ON MY WAY HOME FROM WORK. I THOUGHT IT MIGHT INTEREST SOME OF YOU. ENJOY~


Diet Diaries: It's time to say goodbye to the fat lady in the mirror
By Lisa Abeyta
Tribune Columnist
August 28, 2006

I woke up this morning and found that some fat woman had invaded my body. I'm not sure how long she's been around, but from the size of her middle, I'd say she's been sneaking up on me for quite some time.

SMART BOX
Abeyta is an Albuquerque writer and mother of three. She'll chronicle the ups and downs of dieting the second and fourth Fridays of the month.

Contact her at Diet Diaries

Read Lisa's blog


I still picture myself much as I looked on my wedding day. Or how I looked when I sold fashion clothing to snobby women back before my children wreaked havoc on my stomach muscles.

The larger sizes I have to buy at the store are a fluke, some sort of weird cosmic trial of my patience that I thought every woman faced. It is kind of like the final test to see if a woman is worthy of being a mother.

But today that fat lady looked back at me and let me know she was here to stay. She wasn't going to melt away like some wallflower at a sweet sixteen dance. She was gearing up for a good long stay on my hips. She planned to eat her way through a few more desserts, a lot more Mexican food, and as many emotional upsets as I was willing to throw her way.

She promised to help me cope with the loneliness of staying at home all day while the kids went off to school and my husband went off to be someone important behind a nice desk and fancy chair. That fat lady said she could even help me feel like a part of the working world every time I'd buy her a cafe mocha at Starbucks. There was talk of me tagging along with friends to try out the newest dining craze in town. And she even promised to try any recipe I was willing to develop.

That chubby woman in the mirror was one persuasive talker.

I almost fell for her promises, but then I looked at her chin and realized there was a second one growing right below the first. Now I don't remember a lot about anatomy class, but I recall that we grow another set of teeth, not another chin.

She raised her arm to comb her hair, and I was horrified to see a small sag on the underneath side. Biceps bulge on top. Anything bulging on the bottom just doesn't belong.

And her thighs.

The horror. It would take the milk from several cows to make that much cottage cheese. Enough said.

This fat woman in the mirror - I realized I've been avoiding her for years, scurrying by the reflection with my eyes averted as I headed to the shower. She deserves her privacy, after all. You shouldn't just stare at someone when they're in their birthday suit. It's rude.

Now that I think about it, there are a couple people at my health club's locker room who haven't learned that lesson yet, but I certainly have. All these years, that woman in the mirror has had all the privacy she's needed.

But this morning, I looked just a little too long. And when she started talking like that, letting me know she wasn't going to go easily, I knew it was time. She was a visitor who'd failed to see she'd worn out her welcome.

She's been angry at me all day, dragging me into the pantry to parade me past all the goodies that she likes so well. Vanilla wafers almost fell off the shelf as she pulled me in. The cake mixes vied for attention, competing with the last fudge brownie mix. Even the stale chips looked attractive.

I smiled politely at this fat woman trying to convince me not to make her leave. It's for the best, I tell her, hoping she'll understand.

All day, she whined and complained. After a while it grated on my nerves. The telephone pierced an eardrum on the first ring. My boys' laughter sounded like fingernails on the chalkboard. And the dirt movers digging out the arroyo next to our home snapped my last link to sanity.

It's almost evening now, and she sits sulking in the recliner. I can tell what she's thinking by the look on her face. Tomorrow will be better, she thinks. I'll tire of this silly diet by then.

I'll take her to Whole Foods and just happen to go by the display of single-serve desserts, where she'll tempt me with the coconut cream cake. The vanilla cheesecake. Or maybe the flourless chocolate cake. The fat lady thinks I won't be able to resist that one.

But I plan to win. She's made me grouchy now, and she'll pay. I'm not giving in that easy.

The days are numbered for the fat lady in the mirror.


YOU CAN DOT~COM DR. LAURA FOR ADDITIONAL INFO, I THINK ~ SHE MAY RUN THE DIARY DAILY.
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Old 09-08-2006, 08:26 PM   #2  
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Hey, another Dr. Laura fan. I have her streamlinking (for $6 a month) and often listen to her late at night.
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