I don't know what my problem is. It feels like the entire world is moving along and I'm right here in the same place...
DH and I bought a house 1 1/2 years ago and now he doesn't want to put anymore work into it for a while. We had to repaint almost the entire thing and once that was done, we're basically done with any decor stuff because we are really working hard to get the house paid off ASAP. I know more will happen once we get to that point but I feel like we waste SO much time meanwhile...
His car has been disassembled for over 15 months - IN THE GARAGE!! I can't tell you how many times I've tried to get him to fix it...it's not like I haven't made it well known to him how much less stressful it would be if we had a second vehicle. We carpool to work because we work at the same place so we would continue to do that, but there are some days when I don't work and he does...so that means either i'm trapped at home or I have to drop him off and pick him up. Plus, if I want to do something with friends on the weekend, etc...that means either he comes with me or I leave him at home. I've threatened to have it towed off but haven't done it yet...
I think we spend WAY too much time together...I've tried to get him to get more friends, etc...new hobbies but he doesn't really seem interested in it all that much...
I don't make friends well either...I think I've made 1 or 2 new girlfriends since I moved here over 4 years ago...I have acquaintenances here at work but I rarely hang out with them on my own. DH and I have friends that are OUR friends - you know, the typical couples deal where we go to dinner with them, etc...
I have a really good job at a really good company and I make really good money (it's all 'really good' if you can't tell - lol) but I never want to be here, I don't really care what it is I do, and I don't care who I impress. Now, I will always complete my tasks and get my stuff done b/c that's just my nature but I have no passion or heart for it...I don't even know where my passion would lie anyway...
My sister has twin baby girls, 9 months old. I feel like alot of the stuff our family does revolves around them, which I completely understand. My sister is now planning their birthday party, etc...all this neat exciting stuff is going on for her. I love my nieces to death and spend as much time with them as I can but I feel like an outsider with everything that goes on with them...
My mom even got a new puppy yesterday.
It seems like everyone's got all these projects going on but me. And the projects I want to get done, I can't because I know I can't do them by myself - I need DH and he's not doing anything...side note - DH works very hard at his job and usually works 50+ hrs a week - I know he's not a slacker or a lazy bum so I don't know if I'm just too demanding or expect too much or what...
I feel like I'm just wasting my life right now...just floating along...nothing's really happening for me, nothing's really happening against me.
Don't get me wrong, I am completely in love with DH, I love the fact that he likes spending time with me, and I love our house, but I feel like I'm having a bit of a mental break-down here. I don't want DH to do a complete 180 because that's not who he is and I don't want him to become someone he's not but I think he's quietly smothering me without even realizing it and I'm the one who needs to get away every once in a while...
Reading your post, the first thing that came to mind was "The Yellow Wallpaper" by Charlotte Perkins Gilman. I think you have some very valid insights into your feelings right now and you shouldn't discount them too quickly. It seems to me (again, just from reading your post) that what your missing is passion, and I don't mean romantic passion, which I am sure you feel for your husband, but life passion- that reason to spring out of bed not just get out of bed.
No one can tell you what it will take to inspire that feeling but yourself. I think it's just great that you realize that there is that something missing and that you are willing to question if the absence is appropriate. Too many people just go along with their expected roles and never really live life. This might be the best time to start looking- it doesn't mean that you have to change everything in your life, often it's the smallest changes that make the biggest differences. That one hour a week spent doing what you love to do more than anything else can make the whole week worth while.
It might be a hobby, a cause, a furtherance of your education into some new area, or a new interest. You won't find it until you look, and you might find that just looking can be an exciting adventure.
Hi Emily,
I agree with Jen...at least you KNOW something isn't quite right...that's the first step. I'd definitely drop off your hubby on your day off and take the car and do something that would excite you. We just moved into our new house 3 months ago and always have projects going and unfinished. I agree it causes extra stress. I know you can't help him fix his car, but can you do any other projects together that are cheap, easy and fast to make you feel like you got something accomplished? IT's admirable to want to get the house paid off quickly, but the joy is in the journey. Jen, your post intrigued me. You actually WANT to leap outta bed?????????? There's nothing that makes me feel that way! Fat, thin, young or old, I just don't ever remember feeling that way!
lol, well, maybe I was over-stating my case there a bit... my working day starts at 5:30 am, I'm not a natural morning person, and I'm an horrible caffeine addict, so there is very little about me jumping for any reason in the mornings.
However, I am a big believer in hobbies, goals, and challenges. I'm highly susceptible to boredom so I'm always searching for new interests.
I believe that the thing that saves me in this sort of situation ( mine is an almost empty nester type thing) is a healthy lifestyle. It's almost a hobby for me. OH I slip once in a while but mostly ... I plan my food. Grocery shopping is an adventure. I plan exercise. I read and post here. I fiddle with fitday. I research healthy foods and exercise plans.
While work is ho-hum and my family and friends all have other things going on ... I have my fitness stuff ...
Did that make sense?
I know my problems don't lie with with DH does. They are my problems and I am the one that chooses how I react is my problems.
andoreth - thanks for your insights. you are right - i need to find an 'inspiration'
katiesmom710 - the projects i do want to do around the house are cheap and easy but i'm too short (even with a ladder) to do most of them so I need DH to do the 'tall stuff'...
SusanB - i've definitely tried that...I make meal plans...plan out my exercise plans...plan for healthy stuff all the time...I'm actually trying to train for a marathon right now and that does help me out in some regards, but then when I'm done with the treadmill I get back to 'reality'...if that makes any sense.
Thanks again y'all - I really do appreciate your thoughts and viewpoints...
Emily,,,
seriously I think many of us have had that feeling...some just a twinge,,,some a full blown panic of feeling nothing. I moved to the city from my peaceful lil farm town 5 years ago. I knew my brother and SIL both too busy to hang out or even chit chat with. I had a DH and two sons but I felt completely alone. We had a brand new house,,,but all the things that needed doing,,,deck/fence I needed DH to help me with. And with his work week that wasn't going to happen. I went job hunting without success,,and stress of even driving in this mad crazy fast raceway city isolated me even more. I tried volunteering at the school, something I did alot in the small town. But we had a calendar schedule..so once every 6th week I was needed... my house was so clean during that year... and watched alot of tv...the movie channel. I remember Shrek was on,,,over and over...to the point where I knew all the words,,,I changed the language and started learning french by listening to Shrek...that is one of the pathetic things I did,,,plus gain back 80 lbs.
I would think,,,you might one to write down some hopes and dreams...a nice list and then decide which ones you can accomplish within your time frame and budget. Ever thought of volunteering for a organization? Cancer society, heart and stroke...learn to write,,paint. Dance class for couples or perhaps just yourself? I did alot of theatre...and met some of my closest friends that way.
What about buying a cheapy car,,,just one that you can get around in when you are home and hes at work? Once he gets his *other car fixed sell the cheapy.
Just some ideas...
Feeling Stuck
