Is It Wrong??
 

I've always been the fat one compared to all my friends, my one friend, who I was best friends with for about 7 years was super skinny, and still is, all of my other girl-friends have always been skinny and they always got the guy...anyway my current best friend of about 6 years used to be really skinny, and has been gaining weight over the years, she is currently 150 when she was around 135-140 only 2 months ago...she has never been insensive to me about my weight but I kind of *gulp* like that she is gaining weight b/c now I don't feel so huge compared to her...I know I'm still 90lbs heavier than her, but she used to be 120 and less...I was also thinking about how weird it would be if she kept gaining and I lost weight, I would finally be skinnier than one of my friends..I know this seems immature and mean...but I would never wish this on anyone I just...I dont know how to explain it...lol I like that I'm not the only one carrying some extra weight and I would love to be skinner than someone for a change...is it so wrong??? :o

Thank god I'm not the only one! lol

While it's "wrong" by society's standards to wish anyone bad karma, I don't think this is "wrong" as much as it is NORMAL. I have fat and skinny friends, and I myself was one of those "always skinny" people during Jr-Hi & Hi-School and through college, too. I was 103-108 in hi-school and 115 in college. I started gaining weight when I got out of college, got a "sit-down" job and slowly stopped exercising.

I am now in my 40's. I am 158 on a good day, 163 on a "pudgy" day (i.e. aunt flo's bloating). My lowest "adult weight" was 126, at 29 years old... when I met my husband. Highest weight was 178 about six years ago.

I have yo-yo'd with 25-30 pounds for the past 13 years. I was 138 last summer before I re-injured my shoulder & had to stop exercising. That was in September, and I was out of the gym for 4 months and gained 22 pounds over the holidays & so-forth. I am currently trying to re-lose the 22 pounds, plus another 6 - this will be the 5th time I have had to lose weight. I am at my best (in my opinion) when I am 128-132 pounds; I am 5'4".

Do I have "fat friends" who USED TO ENVY me? Of course. They even tell me so. And even now, when I'm teetering on 160+ pounds, my 275 pound friend from Jr-Hi, who was 140 IN jr-hi while I was 103, tells me how she wishes she could "stay skinny" like me! :?:

I guess it's all in how you look at things. :shrug:

I have a younger sister who has always been the skinniest and often picked at me about my weight. I am secretly happy now that she wears a size 14 and I wear a 4. I would never say anything to make her feel bad, but it is kind of nice to be smaller than her for the first time in my life.

You are 145 pounds & wear a size 4??????

Gracious day! - how tall are you? I'd have to be 115 pounds to fit into a size 4 :( (I'm 5'4")

I think everyone has thoughts like this. When I started out my boyfriend's aunt always had something to say to me (she lost 60ish pounds last year, still needs to lose a bit more). Anyway, she always tries to tell me what to do and how to exercise. For the last two weeks I have noticed she hasn't gotten out of bed and exercised ONCE! (I can hear her, I am always up early and riding my bike). And at least once a week I see her stuff her face with cookies and stuff (and I know she does it more then that).

So for the last week or so, I ride my bike and think to myself I HOPE SHE GETS FAT! Only cuz she was such a ***** to me and tried to tell me I was doing things wrong, but LOOK AT ME NOW! hah

(I can't wait to move, lol)

I have a refridgerator magnet that says " Lord, if you can't make me skinney, make my friend fat." We all have these thoughts, we're competitive and want to look our best. You're human-like the rest of us!:cool:

I recently got together with a friend of mine who has always been skinny...tall and skinny. I was never jealous of her physique but I was always AWARE of it...or, rather, it made me aware of MINE. She was always supportive and encouraging of my weight loss efforts and I had no reason to resent her for being thin. She was and is a dear friend. BUT....

When we got together a couple of weeks ago she had gained a significant amount of weight. She's still thin and, in my opinion anyway, looked better with the meat on her bones. But she is worried. It isn't that she has the delusion that she is fat. She knows that, by comparison, she's still a slim person. But extra weight is extra weight and she's not used to carrying any around. I have no doubt that the extra 20-30 pounds is as disturbing to her as my 80 was to me given that all things are relative. She talked to me about her feelings about gaining weight. Since she's never had to work to be thin she has no idea how to go about it. She's never HAD to do a lick of cardio in her life. Now that she needs to it is even more difficult for her than it had been for me. Anywho...I found myself feeling for her but at the same time had a little smile on the inside. I would never want her to get fat or go through what I have. But, somehow, seeing her heavier normalized her in my mind. All my life (I've known her forever) she was this anomoly in my mind...naturally had what I needed to really work for (and even then couldn't attain since she's 8 inches taller than me and all legs). I think it is normal, not to wish bad things on someone else (and I don't think that is what you are doing), but to like feeling as if we are not SO different than the people we know. So, no, I don't think you are being mean or are wrong for having the feelings that you do.

You are not alone....just today, I was checking a news website from back home, and an old gf was being honoured for her achievements....the very first thing I noticed was the extra 30-40lbs!! My first thought was, ~I bet you get it now?!!~

Your feelings are normal, but they make me sad. Fat shouldn't equate to moral (or any type of) superiority. The relief at being "better" than some people who are "fatter" than us, or taking joy in others, at least beginning joining us in fatness) is scary to me. Fat is a health issue, and that's all it should be. Do any of us have blood pressure envy, or take perverse pleasure when a friend or relative's cholesterol is elevated? I have been obese all of my life, and I could deal with not being seen as attractive, but it killed me to have to be twice as smart, and work twice as hard to get half the credit.

I'm not picking on you, because it's hard to escape these attitudes in our culture. It's just very depressing.

you cannot control what you feel...its normal to feel this way. Just never say anything to her!!!

Well I know I may get blasted for saying this but yes, I think it is wrong to harbor such thoughts about your friend. Sure, the thoughts my come but we need to push them aside. If we truly love someone and are a genuine friend we do not rejoice in their hardships and difficulties... we rejoice in their successes and support them in their discouragements, even if we are weak in areas where they are stronger. Believe me, they have other areas in their lives where they are struggling... we all do.

I have a super close friend who is absolutely stunning... great figure... brilliant... successful. She is one of my biggest supporters and yes, I do the same for her in areas where she needs it. Would I like to look more like her? Of course!! But if I let that make me happy when there are failures in her life, then I am NOT being a true friend.

Of course I know the thoughts come... that part is normal... but if you let them hang around and think they are okay... that's not friendship

Sooooo... yes... if you claim to be her friend... it's so wrong.

I know what you mean, the whole "getting the guy" thing has a lot to do with confidence though!

I used to go out with a girl who was a US6, I was a US 16 at the time. Now the roles are reversed. We still go out and sometimes I "pull" and most times she doesn't because she is depressed about her appearance.

I feel sad for her that she has put on weight and is obviously distressed about it. I also want to help her lose, but I can't MAKE her. I feel strange to be thinner than her, but in my mind when we go out, we are still playing our old roles. I feel fat inside and unattractive, and I feel like she is still thinner than me because she's out and around singing and chatting to people.

And yeah it's ok to think that it would be cool to be thinner than someone in your group! Sometimes I get a malicious satisfaction when I go back home and see people with the weight piled on and I'm different, but they are still them and I am still me and I wouldn't ever lord being thin over someone just like I wouldn't brag about my IQ or my degree grade or whatever. You take what you've been given with good grace ;)

However, don't beat yourself up about thinking these things. It's nice to dream about being thin - that's your drive! I was dreaming about the day I will look good in *just* my black belt and tiny shorts :o and what that pro-photo shoot would be like!

Exactly! LOL and we are all prone to those fits of envy, whether or not we admit it. :) Have to fight against it with those close to us. :dance: