I just need to vent right now. I saw "the break up" tonight, and I totally saw myself in Jennifer. I totally saw my BF in Vince...I just had a talk with my boyfriend, well "argument" about us not spending enough time together. I am on leave to recover from Leukemia. I am not working, and am only volunteering 1 day a week. I moved to his town to be with him (and cuz it better for his job). He is supporting us both (although my parents are helping a bit with my share). so he works. He also coaches ball 3-4 times a week, then he sometimes goes out with his buddies after for drinks. Then there are his sports which we wants to watch cuz it relaxes him after work/on weekends when there is no baseball. we hardly spen any time together. I started taking books down to read whil he watched his sports, but to me thats not really spending time together. I don't mind going to his games, but agin not really time together. (we do workout together)...Well 2 weeks ago we go into this huge fight about "not spending time together" I thought things were resolved...we made a deal that one day a week we would do something I wanted so that week we went for lunch and played mini golf (both my ideas)...well tonight I brought it up to do something on his day off this wednesday coming (to plan something). well his idea of spending time together is grocery shopping (during which he mopes) and the gym... i disagree...so I asked him what else we should do...he said I don't know, cuz I don't know how I will feel that day!!! plus he said he picked last time (lunch and mini golf---NOT TRUE!!)
I am soooo frustrated!!! I feel like if we don't plan something, then we will end up in separate rooms (him playing videogame/watching sports) me doing whatever...like always... I feel likw he dosen't want to spend time with me he never plans anything, we have been together 6.5 years and I have always planned everything!!
I don't want to break up, but I don't know what to do. by the way, he is a really nice guy and he treats me well...he just doesn't seem to "get" this part...
You said: "he never plans anything, we have been together 6.5 years and I have always planned everything!! "
Well Darlin' - this is who is he - and it's not going to change. Perhaps this isn't what you wanted to hear but accept him for who he is, and enjoy the differences between you two, or get out of the relationship and find someone more compatible with your idea of what you think a relationship should be... life should be filled with joy, and if yours isn't, then stop what your doing and create the life you want to live.
I was having the same problem with my DH and his working!
I have talked till I was blue in the face until finally I decided fine I will do my own thing and when he is ready he can make plans with me.
Well, that worked, once I started keeping myself busy and not depending on him to keep me company he noticed.
He told me that it was never that he didn't want to spend time with me because he did it was that he took me for granted...Can you believe that a man admitted that...
Point I am trying to make is that I am sure that its not that your BF doesn't want to spend time with you it just that he knows he doesn't have to.
I hope that made sence to you. Loved ones just tend to take each other for granted and get used to a routine.
Don't give up on him after 6.5 years he just comfortable with things the way they are.
Good luck.
I agree with you, sli. I think if you keep yourself busy and let him see what he'll be missing, so to speak. Also I think it'd be good for you to focus your attention in a different direction for a while.
I agree with Sli and F Lady....My hubby and I don't do alot together, and I used to be like you, and HATE it...try to plan things, but you know what...if you end up doing things and all the guy is going to do the whole time is complain, I don't want to spend time with him anyway when he's like that! I don't want it to be a "forced" thing, but a "voluntary" thing...I'm an independent woman, and I do my own thing, have friends that I see and visit with, and when he wants to he'll come around. I guess you need to figure out if that's ok with you, and if not, then move on to someone who has the same views as you on the subject.
Does it really matter who plans what? My two cents worth is that no matter what you do together...the important thing is that you are together. It's not the things in life that are important but rather the people in our lives.
Well said Cristina--been with my hubby for 20 years--we have had ups and downs--right now I am on the computer--he is watching TV earlier, I was reading a book and he was in his garage--sometimes I think I can't stand to be with him one more minute and then there are the times that I KNOW I could never live without him.
Hey JULES~ right now my wife is watching TV, a show I don't watch, as I play on the computer
FITGAL~
I think the thing here is RESPECT of each other's wishes. I work construction in a trade that requires a lot of walking, when I get home that is the last thing I want to do ~ my wife is a teacher and loves to walk a couple to 3 miles a day to exercise our goldens after work. She loves to exercise and do yoga and stretching ~ problem here ~ to solve it, I push myself to take the dogs on a walk with her when I can ~ sometimes though I am making dinner for the family and can't.
She loves to do computer (she has her own) work with her own website for a business she has and also for creative memory stuff ~ I watch sports ~ she loves to read books ~ I watch sports ~ she likes the remodel and house shows ~ I watch sports ~ hummm
We make a point of doing things together though like Friday night date night, usually dinner then home for Ghost Whisperer and Close to Home and Monk, we watch CSI together each thursday, we watch Cold Case together on Saturday night, Sundays we watch Desperate Housewives together, Two and A Half Men on Monday, Lost on Wednesdays. We sit next to each other in church and hold hands on Sunday mornings.
We don't spend every minute together, but we try to at least watch an hour of TV together each night ~ not much, but just knowing the other person cares enough to do it with you is important. Now, if there is a BIG gane on, well, she usually lets me DVR the show until the game is over.
We do 5K's together, although she brought it to my attention the other day that I have been doing more beer drinking exercises than 5K's recently!
Speaking from experience, I know when you are young that you think that whatever you have or whoever you have will be there forever ~ not so ~ it isn't about where or how much or what you do ~ it is about the other persons respect for you and you for them ~ people DO change ~ just not usually by the time you want them to But people do LEARN from their mistakes too ~ you will know soon enough if you are the most important "thing" in his life ~ if not, well then, there really wasn't much to lose anyway. Good luck!!
Almost forgot, to make time together we do most of our Costco shopping together ~ I usually do the grocery store shopping ~ we also do a lot of Home Depot and Lowes shopping, looking, planning and "dreaming" together. Angie loves roses so we spend time at the local nurserys rose looking too ~
Hubby and I like very different things. We spend time together on things we both enjoy, but usually, we have our own things we do on a daily basis. IE: He HATES to exercise or eat healthy. So while he's downing a bag of Doritos and jalopeno cheese dip, I'm grilling chicken breasts for me to eat for the week. While he's working on music, I'm posting on my boards. While he's mowing the lawn, I'm out jogging in the park. And then we're both reading to the baby, watching a movie together, or playing a game together. One of these days we'll get back to going to a movie together...soon as we line up some sitters. LOL
Enjoy what you do alone. It's not enjoyable if you're doing it with someone who doesn't enjoy it. And frankly, it makes the time you do spend together that much more memorable.
But as someone said, if you can't live that way, then it may be time for you to get out of this relationship and seek one that more closely mirrors your expectations.
hey all!
Thanks for all the replys, i treally helps to see other points of views! I never thought of it the way some of you put it...thanks!!!
I love this man with all my heart, so I guess I just believed for some reason we HAD to do more things together...don't know where that belife came from!
but your a right, I should enjoy my alone time more and just let him veg out when he wants to. and when we are together enjoy it...
thanks
just need to vent...sorry long
he never plans anything, we have been together 6.5 years and I have always planned everything!! 
