fitgal, please accept my sympathy and admiration for enduring the unendurable.
In addition to the lovely advice you've been given, I want to add two lovely books: Before the Change
and Hot Times
. The former is a book on perimenopause and the latter is a book on menopause, both by Ann Louise Gittleman. I used both to get me through "the change" without prescription HRT and I feel FABULOUS!
Read the books recommended to you. Make an informed decision, and then go out and live a full and happy life.
You deserve it!