[Trixie14]

ok well about 3 months ago while I was waiting for my bf to pick me up my stepdad came home from work (now my stepdad and I don't have a history of getting along, I hate him, and I could go on and on with reasons why and even though none of you know him you would probably dis-like him as much as I do, but I will spare you) anyway he started ranting about how he was talking with a coworker who had recently left his wife and how he loves my mother but he needs to get away and deserves to be happy and her priorities are out of whack and blah blah blah, this was common with both my mom and my stepdad, she would always complain about him and they always fought and she wanted to leave him, but never had the oppurtunity to save up enough money and actually get out, and now that it has happened, i believe she was all talk back then and deep down never really wanted to leave.

Anyway the way he was talking was like she was some cruel monster and he was mr. perfect and when it all actually happened things got worse between them before the move and he resented her for actually going through with this (like he expected her to beg him to stay) well anyway my bf's mom is a landlord and was trying to sell one of the houses they owned because their tenants were moving out july 1st and they just didnt want to bother with the property anymore, well my bf's mom decided to do her one nice act for the year (I dont like her much either, and same goes for her, I could go on and on with reasons why but I won't) anyway she gave the house to my mom for $700/mth plus utilities when she was charging $850 before and could easily get $900, and she told my mom last months rent wasnt necessary, so now my mom, me and my little brother had a place to move to (on my birthday of all days) now I was pretty happy about finally getting away from my stepdad and I thought things would get so much better once we moved, even if I had to give up doing anything besides moving on my bday, and not getting anything for my bday, and not getting any money at all, all summer, so i could look after my brother for my mom because she couldn't afford a babysitter (I did all this to help her out) I never ever thought things would just end up worse than they were...

my mom has been a total *****, i think something is wrong with her head because she does weird things and tells me things over and over that she already told me, and she is driving me INSANE!! her and my stepdad are now trying to 'work things out' he spends the nights here on weekends, he is here ALOT and I just don't get it all she ever did was ***** about him, and when he told her she would miss him and realize he want such a bad guy she laughed in his face and said 'in your dreams, i dont go backwards in my life and going back to you would be going backwards' she has *****ed about him even since we moved and they have spent time together, she talks about me and how she doesnt like my bf b/c she thinks he "degrades" me and she talks about other people and then she does the exact same stuff she is complaining about! She drives me completly mad, she is so stuck up, she acts like she is so much better than anyone else, i can't even talk to her anymore without her being a ***** about something or telling me im wrong about something, she has to be right. I never noticed her many many flaws before and now I know how she must have drove my stepdad nuts, but im sure he did his share of driving her nuts too, thats for certain. They have even said things about him moving in here, and my bf's mom said if that happens she will raise the rent or kick them out, my mom thinks that it is none of my bf's moms business if they are together or if he moves in here, she doesnt seem to understand that it is her business, this is HER house and she let us move in here for CHEAP to get away from him! She is just throwing this in her face.

Today I almost snapped, I fell asleep just to avoid her b/c she wouldnt stop talking to me and *****ing about stuff, and saying stupid things (I swear she gets stupider every year, I know that is mean but my god the things she does and says sometimes just blow me away!!) The one thing that really pushed me over the edge today was when we were talking about mcdonalds and their disney toys for their happy meals, i want the tinkerbell toy, b/c i love tinkerbell and fairies, well i told her my dream job was to move to LA and become a disney land tinkerbell and do you know what she says to me!? not 'oh that would would be soo cool' or anything like that no she tells me i better lose weight then, I WANTED TO CRY!! I just tried to ignore it b/c with her there is no point in trying to talk to her, it will make things worse, she has to be right, she will deny ever doing anything wrong, and it will make things even more ackward, so i have been trying to just let it slide and avoid her but my god it is getting hard she is driving me NUTS. I told her when I move out (planning to on nov 1) that louie (my 1 yr old cat my bf bought for me last october) is staying here, i told her it is b/c where im going he wont be aloud outside, and if they had listened to me and did what i asked when he was MY cat it would have been fine and he could have come, but no way is he coming now, he isnt even my cat anymore they can deal with him. He goes outside now (which I never ever wanted) but my mom was like 'you have to let him outside, it is in their instinct, he wont run away, you have to let him out' so whatever, and the place were moving to, i cant let my cats out of it b/c the little boy below us has extreme allergies to cats. I just dont know what to do I dont think I can do this for 2 more months, Im sick of her *****ing, im sick of her stupidity, im sick of her treating me like **** and treating my little brother like gold, im sick of her talking so highly about other people and girls at work that are my age like im just so big fat disapointment to her, im sick of my stepdad being here and im sick of her being so negative with me and saying things about my weight. Im ready to snap!!! *cries* She complains that my stepdad is verbally abusive, well HELLO how does she think she is making me feel?! Like a F&%*ing princess?!

And it isnt like she has room to talk about losing weight and being healthy, she was once my weight and then was like 100lbs ONLY because she stopped eating and drank all the time, and now she hardly eats (weighs 140) and she is one of those gullable people who will believe ANYTHING, she thinks she knows so much, but I know more than her, and she wants to be a personal trainer, here is an example of her gullabness - i told her once that the first place you gain weight is the last place you lose it and vice versa, and she still believes it to this day, and tells it to me like she is the one who found out about it and it wasnt me who told her!

[Suzanne 3FC]

I'm so sorry that you are going through a difficult time. It sounds like everyone is going through a lot of changes right now, which can be very stressful. A lot of people say things they don't mean, without even thinking, especially when under stress. Hopefully, things will improve very soon, as you settle into your new home, and your mother adjusts to life without her husband. Nov 1 is just around the corner, so maybe you can spend your time and efforts on planning for the big move. If anyone says something negative, try to fluff it off and not take it personally. With a little practice, you'd be surprised how easy that can be.

Maybe you can think of something positive that you can do for yourself, and concentrate on that for a while. Make Trixie your first priority. You are a beautiful person and you deserve to feel that way. Lose yourself in a good book, go for a walk, or give yourself a facial. Little things like that can go a long way.

Good luck

[icmethinner]

Hi Trixie,

I just want to say how sorry I am that things are so rough for you right now. I can't fix it for you, but I can sympathize. It is so hard to be young! I don't know your age but I am guessing that you are either a teenager or young adult. That was such an awful time for me because I had a jerk of a stepdad and my mom and stepdad b*tched about each other all the time and argued like crazy people. And they get so used to having their kids around, they say the first thing that comes out of their mouth to their children, and it's not always right and not always nice. I'm sorry you are in this situation, but it really does sound like it's bad for everyone right now. All I can tell you is that time does pass, and it won't always be like this. In the meantime, just try to distract yourself to get through this, and try to look at it as though you are watching a movie waiting to see how it will turn out. It is a looong movie, so even if things seem to get worse temporarily, they will always improve at some point, you just have to keep watching to see when that will be.

Once, when I was about 21 (I am 37 now), my life seemed so horrible, I thought I wouldn't be able to live through it. Then, literally just a couple of months later, it was so great I couldn't believe it! You just have to wait for the changes to come. And I know it's so hard at times, but you can do it, and you will get through it!

You andyour family are in my thoughts and prayers,

Lesley

[techwife]

I'm not sticking up for your mom, no mom should ever talk down to their kids. I can't think of any instance where it's appropriate. But I can tell you that, speaking from someone that's been in her shoes to a degree...when you are a parent that isn't happily married and settled in, it's very easy to put your kids on the back burner while you try and adjust your own personal life. Personally, I think that kids should always be on the front burner, but when you are going through personal turmoil yourself (as a mom), human nature makes you want that front burner while you straighten things out. BUT, when you have kids, specially ones that are teenagers (and IMHO, teenagers need their parents attention equally, if not more so, than little kids do...it's such a critical time in a person's life!), there comes a huge conflict when the teenage kids are battleing for their mom's attention and approval and support, but the mom is too busy getting her own personal items in check. That's what it seems like you guys are going through. I remember your post last summer when your mom and step dad first split and you were called on to babysit, so you've been dealing with this for a long time.

My advice to you is to try as hard as you can to get along with your mom and try and understand that she's on the same rollercoaster that you're on and do your best to get along and NOT take things she says personally. Reason I'm saying this is that you really need to move out in Nov. How old are you? If you can avoid it, try not to move in with your BF. I've lived with three BF's and let me tell you...break ups are bad enough without having to move besides!!

And the reason I'm telling you to think about trying to understand your mom is because...well...she's your mom and you don't want to totally toss your relationship out the window. Once your mom gets through this hump of straightening out her divorce, for better or for worse, then you'll have your mom you love back. And as you go through life, having your mom there is HUGE. When you get married and then when you have kids (hopefully in that order ), your mom will be your best friend.

I know, asking you to understand your mom and her moodiness is more like asking you to switch roles with her, but I worry you're going to allow yourself to hate her. You can dislike what she's doing, but try not to hate her.

I can't remember if you've said so, but where is your biological dad?

I know one thing's for sure. You are definitely making me feel good about the babying I do with my daughter, so to speak. Since she's not my husband's daughter, she gets a lot of what you get with her little brother being the golden child that can do no wrong. I can't make my husband feel the same about her as he does his own child, but he does his best As a result, I try to over compensate and I'm my daughter's girl scout leader, take her camping, have humongous birthday parties for her. She just started middle school and I took her to school and made sure she knew where she was going to her homeroom and got her lots of locker accessories and made sure she had more clothes than my husband thought she should have, etc. In other words, she's a spoiled brat. Another thing's for sure, if anything ever happens between my husband and I, there is no way on Earth I'm dating anyone until both my kids are in college...being involved romantically with peopel when you have kids (other than your husband, I mean) is so incredibly distracting to the important task of raising your kids.

My heart goes out to you. YOu've got the right idea in moving out, providing you're not too young and that your arent going to move in with your boyfriend...I think you'll be doing it to escape your mom and that is a recipe for disaster with your boyfriend. Try to keep your cool and good luck!!

[Trixie14]

Yeah Ive just been trying to avoid her and not pay attention to the things she does/says but it is getting crazy, I just can't believe she would say some of those things to me, she has always been this way, just since we moved it has gotten worse, and she has been in my face more b/c she doesn't have my stepdad there to ***** at 24/7. And it really drives me crazy how she treats my little brother like he is perfect.

And actually my boyfriend (actually my fiancee) and I have been together for 4 years, and we planned on moving out this fall anyway regardless of me wanting to get away from my mom, I'm 19 years old.

And my real dad is out of the picture, he did something to me when I was very little that he won't admit to and I can never forgive, there is alot to it and I have chosen not to have him in my life at all anymore.

It was this summer that I posted about them splitting and me having to babysit, I was asking what to charge my stepdad for babysitting my little brother for him on weekends. But everything is just like it was before except my stepdad doesnt live with us, but he is here alot, he spends the nights here on weekends, and I dont see the point in her putting us all through this just so she can go back to him, something she said she would never do, she hated him before, couldnt wait to get away from him, and she still *****es about him all the time and they still argue, and she has told him to just stay away from her and not talk to her when he pisses her off but she just goes right back to him, i think she needs some serious therapy, I really think there is something wrong with her, she did it with my real dad too and he used to beat the **** out of her among other things, but then she *****es about people who go back to abusive relationships 'oh they must like being treated like ****' well obviously so does she. Anyway I dont plan on saying anything to her b/c it will make things worse and it is only 2 months longer, but I don't know if i can last that long without totally exploding, I'm so stressed out and Im *****y all the time, especially to my bf b/c I've been holding everything in and trying to just let it all slide but it is getting hard I've been doing it for a month and a half now....