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Old 01-11-2017, 01:15 AM   #1
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Default Well-meaning friend giving pointers on how to attract guys...

She knows I'm trying to lose weight, but I'm actually not doing it to attract guys or even to look better to be honest. She's not being obnoxious about it, but she would say things like, "Guys like it when girls do x, y, or z (to conform to societal standard of beauty)," while hinting that I'm not currently doing x, y, or z. So far I just laughed it off because I'm terrified of confrontation, but I'm afraid if she keeps it up it might snap at her. Also, I'm not comfortable enough with explicitly not caring about societal expectations i.e., choosing to be weird.
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Old 01-11-2017, 11:49 AM   #2
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This happens to me ALL THE TIME, people feel the need to share their opinions about your life whether you ask for them or not. I have learned and am still learning to just shrug it off and continue to be myself. Honestly, I don't believe one should have to change to obtain a relationship, if he doesn't like me then so be it, I would rather not have one like that anyway.
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Old 01-12-2017, 12:33 PM   #3
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So far I just laughed it off because I'm terrified of confrontation, but I'm afraid if she keeps it up it might snap at her. Also, I'm not comfortable enough with explicitly not caring about societal expectations i.e., choosing to be weird.
Rejecting or disagreeing with someone's is NOT a confrontation. It is an exchange of ideas. You have the ability to have your own mind and make your own decisions without losing a friend. Seriously, no matter how your opinions differ it is most beneficial to you to learn how to live in your own truth. And you don't have to be confrontational about it you can just say "well, I can't pretend to care about what guys like right now, I'm just trying to focus on feeling good in my skin and I'll worry about guy stuff later."
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Old 01-27-2017, 04:39 PM   #4
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There's always, "If a guy is silly enough to care about whether I have leg hair or not, I don't want him!" response.
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Old 02-01-2017, 05:15 PM   #5
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If your friend isn't obtuse she'll probably pick up it's bothering you if you allow yourself to be a little annoyed xD. Better than blowing up. Just be like "Yep, I got it, think that is enough advice for awhile".
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Old 02-01-2017, 05:16 PM   #6
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There's always, "If a guy is silly enough to care about whether I have leg hair or not, I don't want him!" response.
That is a classic.
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Old 02-01-2017, 06:24 PM   #7
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It's a good course to follow, as well. Anyone that invested in your personal appearance is worryingly controlling. You're allowed to have opinions on things that personally affect you, such as if you're dating a man with a short beard and you find it painful against your skin, but even so, you have to respect their bodily autonomy.

This friend sounds impervious to hints, and I suspect she's projecting her own insecurities onto the OP. So perhaps it would help to say, "I know you mean well, but I'd rather we didn't discuss beauty tips. It's something I find really stressful." I've used that phrasing for similar problems and it goes down well, people don't get offended by it. It's truthful and it's not an attack on them.
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