[Cwhit0012]

CAUTION: Incredibly long and unimportant rant ahead!!!!

So I have this friend of almost 20 years who I care for very much. We been through it all, during and after high school, and then lost touch due to different life paths several years ago. After about 3 or so years, we reconnected and it was like there was never a gap in our friendship. Since the start of my current relationship, our friendship dwindled down to almost nothing, with just the occasional text or Facebook communication. I have tried to include her in my life more often and it's been a struggle. First off, her personality is complete opposite of mine. She tends to be rude and very pushy to everyone and is constantly thinking people are stalking her and has always had the strangest dating life. She always wonders why she has problems and I'm now realizing that she is the problem actually.
A couple of months ago I decided I wanted to join the gym. I've been watching my calories and exercising at home for a while, but when my treadmill but the dust, I decided to just join a gym. Since I was nervous and feeling insecure I asked if she would want to go with me. 2 months later we finally made it to the gym because it just never fit into her schedule. Now she is all bent out of shape because I couldn't go tonight and is acting like I've completely bailed on the whole thing.
I feel like now that I'm older and have my life figured out, for the most part, that the friendship shouldn't exist at point. It just seems like so much work and we are at 2 different points in our lives maturity wise, it seems. The bad part is that I'm recently engaged and she is one of my bridesmaids. If figure she will get so ticked with me not going along with her every whim that she will start a big dramatic argument and then just not be in the wedding. And I feel bad saying this, but I really don't want her in the wedding.
Tonight she posted on fb that she was taking applications for a gym partner because the one she had already bailed on her after one night. It flew all over me. Like to the point I just wanted to tell her to kick rocks and move on.
It's just agonizing and a lot of work and it shouldn't be that way. If you made it this far, thanks for reading my rant!😊

[Wannabehealthy]

I feel that a friendship should allow you each to have your own life, and sometimes it includes each other and you can enjoy that time. You shouldn't have to be so connected that you can't do things separately without the other one feeling left out. A gym membership doesn't require that you have a partner. I would just go to the gym on my own schedule. If she can go at the same time, OK, but neither of you should stay home because the other didn't go. If the wedding is a while off, she might drift back out of your life and solve that problem for you. If it's close, you will have to get a commitment from her one way or the other.

Good luck and congratulations to you for deciding to work toward health.

[Palestrina]

Friendships change over time and sometimes we grow out of friendships. It's all normal. As we age we become less tolerant of things we might have been tolerant of when we were younger. It's not good to stay in a friendship that is making you feel anxious and strife. It would be wise to take a few steps back from her. At the same time, stand up for yourself when she starts a big dramatic argument about something petty shut her down immediately. "I'm not looking for big drama, I had to cancel tonight for a valid reason but I'll be there on Thursday, so maybe see you then." Don't let her pull you into her drama is what I mean.

About the wedding - here's the thing... you invited her to be in your wedding, right? I understand it's your day and all but you really should've thought of that before you asked her to be a bridesmaid. I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who was demoted from maid of honor to bridesmaid on my childhood best friend's wedding day! Honestly we hadn't been as close as we were when I lived back home and of course me moving away and living apart from her changed our relationship and of course I was not in town to go dress shopping with her (she never forgave me for that.) I was a poor college student at the time and all the trips back home for showers and bachelorette parties and the wedding itself were expensive for me, but she somehow felt I wasn't there for her and on the day of her wedding demoted me and gave the maid of honor position to someone else. It hurt like **** and our friendship didn't survive it.

Anyway what I'm getting at is that when you invite someone to be in your wedding and they have accepted the offer then I would follow through with the invite. I'm not saying it's the RIGHT thing to do, it just feels right to me.

[Cwhit0012]

I have no intention of taking the invite back. I have 2 maids of honor in my wedding, her, who is my longest friend and then my cousin, who is really my bff. I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by using a title. She is just difficult to deal with and I really do feel that she has gotten way worse over the years. She always thinks people are stalking her and out to get her somehow and that all guys who she remotely comes in contact with her are obsessed with her. She is just very selfish.

[BerkshireGrl]

I think the other ladies gave you some great advice

I'm wondering myself what this woman adds to your life? It sounds almost to me like you are talking about two entirely different women... One you care deeply about and treasure your history together, and another who is high-maintenance and moody. Is she maybe suffering from depression? Has she always been selfish, as you mentioned? Or has something happened in her life to change her?

I also would like to commend you for going to the gym! I would encourage you to not let your different schedules get in the way of that. I would recommend talking with her and saying you would like to share healthy support in each other's lives, even if you need to pursue your paths separately due to scheduling conflicts, or even when your energy levels don't match up.

Also, your rant is not unimportant! Having struggles with a long-term friend who is your fitness buddy and close enough to be one of your maids-of-honor is a big deal. We are here to support each other, so please don't poo-poo your problems

[Diamondonalandmine]

Everything you have mentioned in your post here, discuss with her! Let her know how you feel and why you feel the way you do while telling her you are addressing it because you do not want to lose her as a friend.

Like any relationship with family, friends or lovers, if you do not communicate your real thoughts and feelings... it simply will not last!