In the last couple weeks I started writing "personals" on various threads and as I did this I noticed something that concerns me. The names people call themselves! I have to admit I almost did this myself. I started to use " Fat Fairy" because that was how I felt.
I won't point out the exact names I'm talking about- don't want to put anybody on the spot. I just want you to be aware that when you describe & title yourself with negative names-your body-your inner self hears you " You want to be Fat Fairy? OK,you said that's who you are so,,, I'll be sure to keep you fat so you can live up to your name. This is something I've been working on as I lose weight-being positive about myself- describing myself as I want to be.
Also be careful with how you follow the words " I am..." Those are very powerful words. JMHO
I agree. I think most people are just trying to find some humor in what is often times very painful for them, but I agree. You back what you put out in the universe.
Mine is not actually about eating, even though it may appear to be...in college people used to call me a munchkin because I'm small. It turned into Munchy and subsequently QueenMunchy for Queen of the Munchkins.
Playing devil's advocate here... I don't necessarily think that calling yourself Fat Fairy (or something similar) means you're resigning yourself to being fat. It could mean that you're simply describing the way you are and feel right NOW. For some people (raising hand), unflinching self-honesty -- even if negative -- spurs action, rather than inertia.
I agree with you FairyGaia, how we speak to ourselves and how we put ourselves out there does become a self fulling prophecy. Our brain can't think in negatives so if you say "I don't want to be fat" all your unconscious hears is "fat." I recently changed my name on the forum. It used to be wannabeskinny but after a year of practicing IE and truly thinking about it I realized that that's not what I want for myself ate all so why call myself that? Palestrina is so much nicer, just listen to this music! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eFWKeEfMEA
Once I didn't realize someone was replying to someone using their username and I almost reported them for abuse because I thought they were making fun!
I think that, at the very least, we should be picking nice user names for ourselves!!! It breaks my heart when people do negative ones...
I agree somewhat with freelancemomma as well though, that their is a time and a place where its okay. I call myself plump a lot... Or a plump princess and its actually something that beings a smile to my face. I've had to say out loud "I was too fat for that slide!" And similar, but I also wasn't doing it to demean myself, but rather to laugh and point out a fact. I think its also about taking back some words, like "Fat" and stop letting them mean bad things and just checking yourself mentally and your motivation behind saying it.
Last edited by SenseAndSensibility; 05-08-2015 at 12:41 AM.
TI've been accused of having a negative sounding user name, and it's just a nonsense nickname my father has used for me since I was tiny.
The full nickname is actually "fat kaplods" (and yes, he actually called and calls me that).
The only reason I don't use the full nickname is because I don't want to deal with other people's false assumptions and misunderstandings re: the name.
It may seem negative, but only if you make that assumption. My father used (and uses) it with love and acceptance, and so I never felt any shame in it (except the embarrassment as a child that outsiders wouldn't understand).
I probably always will be fat to some degree. Even my ultimate goal weight is still "fat" (much lower than my current weight, but still technically overweight).
I don't see the word fat as a derogative or value judgement, just a descriptive adjective (like tall or blonde). I want to lose weight to improve my health, not because I need or want to be a weight acceptable to others, or because I feel bad about my appearance or have poor self worth.
Even if I would somehow become dangerously underweight, I would still be fat kaplods to my father, and it will never hold a negative connotation for me, because he has never meant it that way.
I think the nickname was actually a huge positive in my life, because it taught me that being fat doesn't make me unlovable, and that losing weight has nothing to do with earning love, acceptance, or respect. For me, it's about health and nothing more.
FWIW my screen name is from a movie :P (Breakfast at Tiffany's!)
I definitely agree with freelancemomma. I wish calling oneself "fat" wasn't so negative. It can simply be a fact. But in our culture it does have a lot more associated with it.
However, I do like to embrace positivity and optimism as much as possible, especially when talking about myself! I think there's so much energy and positivity in this forum, that even those who may seem to present themselves negatively via their screen name can't help but feel awesome about themselves.
Given the name of the site, the use of "fat" isn't necessarily bad. But "Fat Fairy" was an example anyways. I have noticed usernames that are quite negative as well.
My username is based on opera singers warming up, or how singers on cartoons I used to watch would warm up. Now, people think I love me some meme's or I'm really self-absorbed.
Last edited by memememe76; 05-07-2015 at 11:08 PM.
NNS I had no idea that was reference to breakfast at Tiffany's!!! I need to educate myself and re-watch that XD. That's a fair point though.
I was thinking more about people who come in for the first time, introduce themselves with a long comment about how horrible they are and also give themselves a demeaning name. I think we have to feel what we are going to feel, let it out, be dissapointed or mad or frustrated. We don't need to feel guilty about our feeling guilty on top of it all... But I just hate to see people come in that way and keep the username like a badge of shame. But, I don't know everyones user name story either. At least we have the power to change them!!!
Last edited by SenseAndSensibility; 05-08-2015 at 12:47 AM.
I don't really have a point in what I wrote here, but I'll post it anyways.
I have a bunch of friends from latin america, where, if you are chubby, which is considered desirable in kids, you are called Gordo, Gorda, Gordito, Gordita (fatty or little fatty) with no attachement to negative. If you look different, this becomes your name. Here in the US, we wouldn't dream of calling someone with Asian face features "Chino" like my friend from Chile is called at home. Or Negro. But this is a cultural discomfort. I'm WAY against this kind of nicknaming if it causes anyone to feel discriminated against or bad in any way, of course. I'm not a jerk! But my friend likes being "Chino" (he has a lot of indigenous blood, resulting in a facial structure similar to people from Mongolia or Siberia), and I think that's cool.
I probably always will be fat to some degree. Even my ultimate goal weight is still "fat" (much lower than my current weight, but still technically overweight).
I don't see the word fat as a derogative or value judgement, just a descriptive adjective (like tall or blonde). I want to lose weight to improve my health, not because I need or want to be a weight acceptable to others, or because I feel bad about my appearance or have poor self worth.
Fat Kaplods is right. (Sorry, I couldn't resist). I probably will always be overweight too. I've been reassessing my goals lately, and when I think about the lowest weight I maintained as an adult (before kids), I was very happy and still technically 5 pounds into the overweight BMI category. So three kids later and a decade later, is it really realistic for me to think I will achieve what I could not when life was so much easier and my metabolism was that much faster?
So truly, I think there is value in considering the term "fat" as just another descriptive term, like tall or short. People (strangers) have called me fat in a negative way. Why not turn this around on them? No one can insult me by calling me fat if I don't consider it an insult.
Come to think of it, look at the name of this site! I've actually been a member here for nearly 15 years. I'm proud of how far I've come in terms of accepting myself as I am (not that I'm where I want to be...). I've always loved it here, but at first I remember being afraid someone would find out I visited this site, with a name like that (guilt by association?). Now, I don't even think twice about it.
Please Be Positive With Names
We drank a lot...
