Does anyone else find this phrase rude or smug sounding?
I think its generally accepted as polite, but I don't think it is at all...I am wondering if I am the only one.
I have a family member that uses it all. the. time. But I've never said anything as I think she feels its a polite way of declining something.
I recently have been looking for some housekeeping help. Between the 3 kids, new one due and our house on the market, I am just not able to keep up on the house for showings. Anyway, I am using a site and apparently one of the girls there did not find what I needed to work for her. Any other decline would have sounded fine to me, "Sorry I am not looking for that type of work right now", "Sorry that does not fit my current schedule". Or even "My apologies, but I currently cannot fulfill the position you are in need of." I would have used anyone of those to decline a job offer.
Instead she wrote back. "I think I'm going to pass."....
Hmmm...I can see how that phrase would come off as rude but I'm also hyper aware of these things (I work in public relations/communications so its kind of my job to analyze messaging and the way certain phrases can be interrupted). I don't think she meant it in a rude way but personally I would never use that phrase when declining a job offer.
It just sounds rude to me...If I were invited out with friends, I'd say "I can't that night, I'm sorry." Perhaps it is also that I feel it is professional communication to include an apology in a decline. But I do this with personal invites too. "I'm going to have to pass" sounds like something you do to dessert, not something you do in the work place. However I've had plenty of experience with professional positions, and I have never heard this used in that setting either. This women says in her profile she has been a homemaker for the past 20 something years and is just looking for some work. Ironically the family member that uses this phrase has never worked outside the home.
I don't like it in the personal setting (but I'm sure its fine in that way), but like NYFLAgirl said, I would never use it professionally!
Last edited by GlamourGirl827; 02-23-2015 at 04:08 PM.
"I'm going to have to pass" sounds like something you do to dessert, not something you do in the work place.
Yep, that's what I thought the thread was going to be about! ha.
Rude, maybe not, but it certainly wasn't the most appropriate way to phrase her meaning. Also could come from lack of experience, which is probably quite common on that type of website for that type of work. Not that it's an excuse, just an explanation. Sounds like something a 15 year old would say without knowing any better.
Yep, that's what I thought the thread was going to be about! ha.
Rude, maybe not, but it certainly wasn't the most appropriate way to phrase her meaning. Also could come from lack of experience, which is probably quite common on that type of website for that type of work. Not that it's an excuse, just an explanation. Sounds like something a 15 year old would say without knowing any better.
Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking. I can see how its not rude (even though it strikes me that way) but its really not. But I guess it just felt very inappropriate in the given situation. I don't think she meant anything rude by it, but probably didn't know any better as you said.
I don't generally like it as a way to decline anything. I recently offered a gig to a fellow musician who replied "I think I'll pass" and it really did strike me as rude... rude enough that I'll never be offering a gig to him again lol. I wonder why it comes off as rude, technically it's a valid way of declining but it sort of seems like the person is saying "I am available but I just don't want to." When he could have said something definitive instead like "I can't, it doesn't fit into my schedule, I'm already booked" or something like that.
Life is too short to concern yourself with perceived intent, but I don't think anyone owes you an explanation on why they decide to not take a job. I would just assume it is not the right fit for them and move on.
I don't generally like it as a way to decline anything. I recently offered a gig to a fellow musician who replied "I think I'll pass" and it really did strike me as rude... rude enough that I'll never be offering a gig to him again lol. I wonder why it comes off as rude, technically it's a valid way of declining but it sort of seems like the person is saying "I am available but I just don't want to." When he could have said something definitive instead like "I can't, it doesn't fit into my schedule, I'm already booked" or something like that.
This! I could quite put my finger on it, but this is it. It comes off just like you said, which is rude. Better to find a more acceptable reason.
BTW did you change your name? I have thought about doing the same someday, but I'm worried people wont know who I am! I haven't even changed my profile pic in all these years for that reason, but I was thinking of changing that someday too
I'm not concerned with this lady, although I would never hire her if she were to reach out saying she no longer wanted to pass lol...but I have heard this phrase elsewhere, and it just irks me!
Last edited by GlamourGirl827; 02-23-2015 at 08:32 PM.
Life is too short to concern yourself with perceived intent, but I don't think anyone owes you an explanation on why they decide to not take a job. I would just assume it is not the right fit for them and move on.
I agree. I don't think it's at all rude to decline or "pass" without having to give "a better reason" (in other words, lie).
Men don't seem to have a problem with this. They can say no without explanation or justification without being considered rude, but women are taught to feel the need to justify their no, as if they don't have the right to decline unless they have a "good enough" reason.
I've leaned to be more honest ( male-like) in my responses, because my husband doesn't speak or understand "womanese."
I cant speak a polite lie, without my uber-honest husband correcting me. I've learned never to say, "We've got plans," because clueless hubby will say, "No we don't," or "What plans?"
I've tried explaining the polite "lady code" to him, but finally just gave up and stopped using excuses and lies as a way of being polite, and when that means "not explaining myself," so be it.
One great benefit has been no more guilt in saying no, and no more having to remember the excuses. It may not be considered as polite, but I think it's much more respectable and respectful of others and myself.
I can see why it would seem rude, and now I feel kind of bad because I use it all the time!!!
But, at the same time I think "I'll pass" is better than lying and saying "I'd love to but I can't" if you never would or didn't intend too.
I guess, for me, I always took it as "I appreciate the offer, but its not my thing and I don't think I'll benefit anyone going". It could also be where you live though... In my circle it's considered polite but it might not be used in the same way everywhere.
I will say though, as a decline to a job offer I wouldn't personally use it. I think its definitely a phrase that lends itself much better to casual conversation then professional.
I don't think it's rude, really.. but at the same time it's not something I'd use in a professional setting at all. Not necessarily because I'd find it rude, but because I view it more as a casual phrase (as SenseAndSensibility pointed out). Between friends I know I've heard the phrase often, and said it myself.. but that's with my friends, and we don't really hold anything back from each other.
I agree with Senseandsensibility "I think its definitely a phrase that lends itself much better to casual conversation then professional." Not that I would call out anyone who said it. If said at the wrong time it does come off like a snub.
There's a polite way and an impolite way of saying no. It's not a feminist issue. I do have higher social expectations of women than I do of men but that's not a gender issue imo. Women are just more capable of empathy and so I expect it. It's not that men are allowed to be more selfish, their minds just don't go that way poor things. I don't mind if someone passes on a piece of my homemade cheesecake, I don't take that kind of thing personally.
If someone makes a genuine offer of spending time together or going somewhere together it is rude to reply with a solitary "no thanks."
Quote:
Originally Posted by GlamourGirl827
BTW did you change your name? I have thought about doing the same someday, but I'm worried people wont know who I am! I haven't even changed my profile pic in all these years for that reason, but I was thinking of changing that someday too
Yes I changed it. Wannabeskinny is not reflective of my IE principles and my ultimate goals.
I think it can be chalked up to someone being less formal than you are. I agree, it's not the most polite way to decline something, but on the flip side of it, there are worse things that could have been said. Like it's been said...don't sweat the small stuff.
"I'm going to have to pass"... rude or polite?
