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boyfriends boss got me feeling uncomfortable

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Old 12-03-2014, 02:55 PM   #1
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Default boyfriends boss got me feeling uncomfortable

Maybe I am over reacting so maybe you guys can let me know if that is the case. My boyfriend of 3 years is off on a business trip for the week and his boss and the main corporate boss from Chicago came into the restaurant I work at for a little business meeting last night.

let me give you some background on his boss first... My boyfriend has known him for most of his life as he was in a band with his older brother. I know his boss socially from him taking us out for christmas every year to nice restaurants and for my boyfriends birthdays thru the years. now he has been sober for the past year because him and his wife have been having troubles due to his consumption. He would stay out all night drink in his office alone leaving his wife and two small kids home alone, lose his work laptop with important information on it, stay at my bfs brothers apt trash his place and leave very unapologetically. so he quit for almost a year but it seems that he has recently fallen off the wagon...

So anyways I didn't notice he was at a table since I was working primarily in another part of the restaurant until another waitress said a man on table 27 wanted to see me. So I walked over to the Table and he told me that I must have been ignoring him (jokingly). He introduced me to the main corporate boss, they made tacky jokes at my boyfriends expense and that was that. He had 1 vodka and two pints and stayed for 4 hours discussing business. They were the last table to leave, he came up to me as I was behind the bar spoke to me about something trivial for a couple minutes then said bye, he didn't even seem drunk. so it took us no more than 30 minutes to clean up and I was on the road when I got a text from him. (he has my number because we wanted the keys to our apt to drop off a surprise gift for my b/fs b day back in May) saying "hi it's me " "can you drive me home from the bar". Now I'm just 3 minutes down the road and so is the bar. How did he get so drunk in less than a half hour that it took for us to clean up and check out? Doesn't he have someone else to call? I am a 26
Year old woman he is my boyfriend 40 year old boss. The whole thing felt so weird I don't feel comfortable driving him home drunk at 11pm at night, I don't feel like we are on that level. So I lied and told him that I was having a glass of wine myself after work and I don't drink and drive myself. He never responded. Not even an apology the next morning. a part of me feels really guilty not driving him since he has been very generous to my boyfriend and I. He is always very complementary towards me and even told me he wanted to Taylor THEIR company christmas party around my schedule so I can go. I of course told him he didn't have to do that. so I am torn on whether I did the right thing I not. something about it felt creepy but he has always been a nice guy. Sorry if this is long winded I just have a weird taste in my mouth about the whole thing.
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Old 12-03-2014, 03:16 PM   #2
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I think you responded exactly the right way.

If he didn't seem very drunk, he should have had the wherewithal and respect for you to call himself a taxi. Especially because he's in a position of power, in a way, being your boyfriend's boss, the assumption is that he has the resources to take care of himself. To me it seems likely he had something more than a car ride in mind, but that's purely speculation. It was inappropriate for him to ask that of you.

By coming up with a legitimate reason you're unable to help, you've avoided embarrassing him or yourself.

Good job.
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Old 12-03-2014, 03:17 PM   #3
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ABSOLUTELY! Your safety comes first. Even if you had never gotten a single negative vibe amd had felt completely safe, the situation itself warrants suspicion and safety precautions.

As to the creep factor, on a scale of 1-10, I would rate it an 11. There is virtually 0 chance that his intentions were innocent. 99% of the time, a drunk man is going to call another man or a cab, if he only wants a ride home.

Would he have hurt you? I don't know, but you're under no obligation to give him a chance to.

Furthermore, if he's a decent guy at all, he will understand and will be mortified for having put you in such a risky and frightening position.
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Old 12-03-2014, 03:28 PM   #4
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Don't lose any sleep over this, you didn't do anything wrong. Better safe than sorry and I'm sure he knows that now in the light of day.
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Old 12-03-2014, 03:38 PM   #5
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What you did was spot on, and appropriate, and in good taste, and totally fine, and since none of THAT actually matters in this situation, what you did was super, super, super SMART.

Yay you.
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Old 12-03-2014, 03:40 PM   #6
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You did the right thing.

Very well played. You just avoided a whole lot of misery and embarrassment.
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Old 12-03-2014, 03:43 PM   #7
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Thanks everyone. Feeling bad for my decisions all the time is something I have to work on.


Quote:
Originally Posted by IanG View Post
You did the right thing.

Very well played. You just avoided a whole lot of misery and embarrassment.
How do you figure? Do you think it could have ended up badly?
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Old 12-03-2014, 03:44 PM   #8
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You reacted perfectly!
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Old 12-03-2014, 04:37 PM   #9
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I bet my bottom dollar he would have made a pass at you on the ride home.
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Old 12-03-2014, 05:14 PM   #10
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if he's already tried to schedule holiday parties so you specifically can be there....and he asked to see you while he was at your restaurant...then he already is interested in you

and he knows your boyfriend is out of town....i agree with Ian, i'll bet you he planned on making a pass at you and when someone's in that position of power, it could easily be phrased like "i can make your bf's life unpleasant if you don't go along with my advances" or veiled threats like that to put pressure on you

good job staying out of that can of worms!!
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Old 12-03-2014, 05:40 PM   #11
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Just wanted to add that I agree with all that's been said. You made the right choice and kept out of what could have turned into a nasty situation.
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Old 12-03-2014, 06:52 PM   #12
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Agreed, you handled that very well. What he did was inappropriate, and could have put you in a horrible position depending on his state of mind. Much better to keep things professional, you did nothing wrong, and were perfectly polite. I would feel a bit upset about it too, but try not to stress about it. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about, your behavior was perfectly polite and still kind.
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Old 12-03-2014, 07:05 PM   #13
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I too think you handled this very well. You followed your gut instincts and definitely made the right choice.

No need to feel badly about your response or even question if you did the right thing; you did!
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Old 12-20-2014, 02:10 PM   #14
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I know this was posted a while ago, so sorry if it is no longer relevant.

But I learned a long time ago that my feelings are valid. If I'm not comfortable with a situation or I am getting weird vibes, I am under no obligation to be nice/do any favors/whatever the case may be.

He could have easily called a cab or, better yet, been responsible and made sure he had a backup plan when drinking that night.

I've just really learned to trust my intuition over the years working third shift at a fast food restaurant. Just the other day a woman was trying to come inside after we had closed, claiming that she had been kidnapped and two guys were looking for her. Of course my immediate response was to call the cops, but I told her she still had to stay outside because it's a rough part of town and you just never know who is being genuine.

When the officers arrived, she had already left.

I trust my gut a lot more than I trust people.
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Old 12-22-2014, 03:17 PM   #15
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I think you did the right thing to be safe yourself, and you gave a story that allows everyone to keep their pride.
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