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Old 09-10-2014, 09:48 AM   #1  
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Default Scientifically speaking is there a difference between love and infuaction?

I currently feel like I'm in love with someone I have never met. I've been accused of being crazy or just plain infacuated. I've read about how the brain and body reacts in cases of feeling love or lust and I've noticed it happening to me. Why are people so judgemental? Why does there only seem to be one definition to love? Help!!! I'm freaking too because I finally met a psychic from www.californiapsychics.com who bluntly told me, we weren't soulmates but we could be friends, etc. That I would meet someone like him soon but not him. She's the only psychic on there that told me and I'm so depressed today, I can't even get myself to school!
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Old 09-10-2014, 09:55 AM   #2  
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I'm not even going to touch on the psychic thing as I don't really believe in them....but I do believe it's possible to love someone you have never met in person. However, I think it's dangerous to have those feelings with no intentions of meeting or no possibility of having a life together. I don't know how things developed between you two or if you have considered meeting, but do it sooner rather than later.

Personally, I've never had a good experience when I've fallen in love with someone before meeting them. It's hard to really judge a connection with someone until face-to-face. Whatever happens, I wish you luck. Don't let others' opinions of your feelings weigh on you. Their opinion of what your heart feels doesn't matter.
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Old 09-10-2014, 10:14 AM   #3  
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Infatuation is a phase of love. Love is not a static thing, it grows and changes over time. It's easy to love someone right away. It's difficult to maintain that level of infatuation with a person when you have to stare at them every day for 40+ years and pick up his socks off the bathroom floor.

I don't believe you can love someone you haven't met. Perhaps a friend or a distant relative. But not romantic love, because romantic love depends on chemistry. I've been "infatuated" with people I met online and when I met them was completely turned off - this has nothing to do with physical attraction, only chemical compatibility.
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Old 09-10-2014, 10:17 AM   #4  
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Oh, chemically very similar. But you aren't "IN LOVE" with them, sorry. You can love perceived characteristics of a person whom you have no direct contact with but you cannot truly love "THEM".

I'll give you real life example of the difference between THINKING you know a person and being infatuated (or in lust) with them versus really knowing them and truly loving them. How many people have you heard of who dated and were madly in love, moved in together (or got married) and the relationship disintegrated rapidly?

That's the difference between loving someone you know, and being infatuated with someone you think you know. The minute reality starts creeping in everything falls apart rapidly, because it isn't built on reality. It's like the difference between what a cover model REALLY looks like versus her Photoshopped image.

Last edited by ReNew Me; 09-10-2014 at 10:18 AM.
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Old 09-10-2014, 11:36 AM   #5  
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My response is probably going to differ a little bit from other's on here. I met my boyfriend online, and we've now been together for nearly four years. When I say online, I don't mean a dating site either. I met him while playing World of Warcraft. We didn't have an immediate connection, we were friends for two years before we started dating. During that time he helped me through some pretty difficult phases of my life (I fell into deep depression and was originally in a mentally abusive relationship).

My escape from my life at that time was video games, so I played them very, very often. I'd stay up all night doing so when I couldn't sleep, and he would stay up cause that's what his schedule allowed. So we'd talk over the voice communication server our guild (which is a group of players that work together) provided. We didn't talk about serious stuff at first, just random chitchat as you would anybody else. Eventually I started telling him things about my life that were problems, or I was struggling with. He didn't offer advice, he just listened, which is kind of what I needed.

Fast forward a little bit.. I got out of the abusive relationship, and started going to therapy more often to handle the depression. I got my own place after living with my parents for a bit, and then several months later him and I started dating. During the entire time I was talking to him over phone, text, in game chat, and video calls. We started dating about a month before we met in person for the first time. Meeting just confirmed all the stuff I'd previously known. Another year later and I moved in with him. We've been together since.

So, yes, I think it is possible to fall in love with someone without physically having met them first. People do lie online, so you need to be careful, but I've also had a good many guys lie to me about who they are in person, only to find out many years down the line that what they'd been saying wasn't true. People in general can be pretty crappy like that, especially when it comes to wanting to hide flaws, and it's not exclusive to the online world. I have found it to be more prevalent in dating sites though.

I would also highly recommend meeting up, just so you can make sure you mesh well in person. Moving to him right away, without having spent some time actually around each other would likely not be a good idea (this would apply for long distance or short distance). Even if you love the person, they may not return the affection.

Last edited by sunarie; 09-10-2014 at 11:38 AM.
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Old 09-10-2014, 05:26 PM   #6  
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Love is when the intense sexual feelings fade and you still want to be with that person. Infatuation is when the intense sexual feelings fade and you realize that person is awful.

Last edited by PatLib; 09-10-2014 at 05:29 PM.
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Old 09-10-2014, 08:56 PM   #7  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PatLib View Post
Love is when the intense sexual feelings fade and you still want to be with that person. Infatuation is when the intense sexual feelings fade and you realize that person is awful.

^This is so true.
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Old 09-11-2014, 03:31 PM   #8  
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Scientifically speaking? Yes. There are different hormones involved from Lust, to Infatuation, to being in Love. There are entire web sites devoted to breaking it down for you. I'm skeptical that you can truly be in love with someone you've never met since so much of this is chemical and the chemistry requires a physical connection. I've heard on many occasions of people who start long distance relationships only to find out upon meeting that there is "no spark" because the chemistry just didn't click. I would just advise that you be cautious, and I hope that when you do meet that everything clicks.
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Old 09-11-2014, 07:27 PM   #9  
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Personally, I think love has much less to do with chemistry than lust or infatuation. Love has more to do with intimate knowledge and mutual communication. Knowing and accepting a person's worst faults and wanting to be with them anyway, because their virtues outweigh the vices, that to me is lobe.

If you haven't met someone at all, or only know them casually, you can't love them until you do know them, and know them as well as you know yourself.

Until you know ther person, you're in love with the idea of the person, of who you think or want the person to be, not with the real person himself. You can only truly love someone when you know them well, until then you're in love with your own hopes and dreams of who the person might be.

Infatuation is that feeling of being in love with the person you want him to be (because you don't know who he is, yet). Love is when you want to be with him, even though you've come to learn that he is himself and not everything you wanted him to be.
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